I Am Not Okay…

…and it doesn’t feel okay.

People have been posting a lot of inspirational quotes about it being okay to not be okay. I admire that and I believe it but it’s really hard not to feel okay. I know people offering encouragement comes from a good place and I appreciate it but sometimes you just have to feel what’s happening to you or in your world that isn’t okay.

I always said I wouldn’t let work break me…I was wrong. They did it (at least temporarily). I genuinely feel broken. Almost like I could hear something in my crack and fall. I know something is bad that when it happens I don’t have an immediate reaction. My brain is trying to protect me I think. Then it all falls on me and today was a rough one. I know many of you are in the same boat with this pandemic. I know it was a risk I took when entering a career that needs an at least okay economy. It might not be so much that I was betrayedbut how. I can live with shady shit as long as there is some piece of respect (which I have more then earned at thsi job). Has this pandemic taken the common decency from people who happen to be doing okay? I can tell you as one who has been crushed under a boot heel that it would be easier to take if it as upfront and honest – I deserve at least that – yanno being a human being who sacrificed years of weekends and countless hours of work I wasn’t paid for. I learned an important lesson today – don’t look out for the place you work because they aren’t looking out for you.

For all those still employed and okay can you check on anyone who seems like they aren’t? Maybe bring a bottle of wine, or a piece of cake, or a hug or something.

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