…always have a small part or you that feels like a shit person.
A lot of the time its internal, but tonight its external. Someone else pointed out to me that I am a shit person. I should have seen it coming I suppose since it used to happen pretty frequently. I sorta thought we had passed that, wishful thinking I guess. But even without the external influence, there are a lot of times I am worried about doing the wrong thing or truly be a not good person at my core. Like I’m waiting constantly for someone to be upset with me about something. I think Ive felt this way since about 4th grade. Does anyone else feel like this? or am I a weirdo? Maybe this feeling keeps me on track to being a good person. I don’t really know. Maybe the person who clearly thinks I am a bad person will feel differently in the morning. Maybe it doesn’t matter and matters how I feel. Thats a novel idea. Trying to focus on how I feel about the person I am may help. For now, I think I am flawed person really trying to be a good person. Even if I fall short, at least I am trying. Always trying.