Happy, Excited and then out of nowhere…

…anxiety hits.

Why is that? Everything is great then BAM – the anxiety about a totally unrelated topic creeps back in. Sometimes I wonder if my subconscious just doesn’t think I deserve to be happy for too long. Maybe it thinks it’s protecting me? I don’t know. But it sucks. It wasn’t a real bad bout of anxiety but it was enough to drag me right out of my awesome mood. It is really stupid and there is seemingly no stopping it. After therapy it’s easier to quell it but impossible to stop in it’s tracks. It seems impossible to have it not creep in and tell you something bad is happening or is about to happen. It’s the whisper in the back of your mind that can escalate into a scream. Luckily this one was only a nagging beep and not a full on scream into a panic attack. So I must be getting a little better at dealing with it. That is positive. Anxiety is just a part of me – probably always will be. I am learning to accept and live with it as best I can. Sometimes I worry about those around me who don’t understand it because they only see it from the outside. I am sure it looks a little cooky to them. But it’s a part of me – a part of loving me for me. Just is.

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