…feeling I have failed those around me.
Even if I feel it’s a small failure I can’t help but dwell until my anxiety has convinced me I’m failing someone or everyone. I’m way more worried about failing others then myself. Because failing those I love is failing myself. And around we go in the anxiety spiral. If you know it then you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t know then you are very fortunate and I envy you. Truly I envy you. When I really think about it it’s really self indulgent. I wind up convincing myself I’ve failed everyone and I go apologize and they end up comforting me. Which is inherently selfish really. I want them to tell me I haven’t failed them to reassure me. When it all stemmed from me failing them. So by this point I have failed them twice. Being my friend must be exhausting. I’m serious if you’re my friend I apologize for my crazy and thanks for loving me anyway. I love you all endlessly and I don’t mean to be a nutter. Bless you if you made it through this whole entry and aren’t lost and didn’t give up.