…I really am.
The anxiety has been real bad lately. I’m trying to ignore it and be an adult who continues on with their day, life and work. I’m just not doing a great job. I know I should be able to just deal with it like everyone else seems to be able to. It’s just getting to me lately. The smallest things just add to my weights I’m already carrying and trigger anxiety that flows through me. I wish I was a normal person who just was happy living their same life day in and day out. The normal person who lets things go and roll of them. I envy the normal person. I’m just not and the world has made it very clear that it’s not okay. That I need to suck it up and be like everyone else. Swallow my feelings and pretend. Put on a mask and pretend I’m all good. I’m not. I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to be not okay? I know we have all these GIF’s and commercials for mental health support. But those of us living this shit know that’s where the buck stops. Those commercials and GIFs should fix us. So it’s either recover and recharge or pay rent and eat. Those are our choices and given those choices the world is telling me I have to suck it up and pretend to be like everyone else. This system sucks and I don’t wanna do it anymore. But I’m going to. Because there is no other choice. I hope you get a choice if you’re reading this. I really do.
So I’m gonna feel down tonight and slap on my smile tomorrow because I have to as a ‘respectable adult’.
Just want someone to be there and say I know you’re not okay and I still love you. Always will.