Thought I was gonna say love eh? Nope – February is my month of bills. I think we all have one. That one month in which all of our major bills seem to come due all at the same time. For me, that month is February. It consists of car registration, car insurance for six month (save some money paying for six months up front), Valentine’s Day gift (not a bill and I like buying presents but it adds to the month of bills), renters insurance, and every other bill I pay every month. Its a stretch on a non pandemic year when I have full time work and health insurance. So far I have almost everything paid for except the car insurance. It’s a big bill here in CA and it wipes me out for awhile when it comes due. I have faith that it will work out and I will get that and still be able to eat, but it’s stressful. So if you are out there wondering how you will afford that next bill you aren’t alone. I think a lot of us are in that boat right now. At least we are in good company.
…for some reason when this pandemic started I did NOT think it was going to last this long.
Or maybe I just hoped it wouldn’t. Wow – I am still part time and I am still a little worried everyday I go into work that today might be the day I get the ‘rona (my job is working with the public). All of this materials is ‘stay home stay safe’ but in order to pay rent to have a home I have to go to work…and work with the visiting public. There is no shelter at home choice for me and so many others. I am not a doctor, nurse, janitor, or other super important job that really really needs to work to help the world, but I need to work to help my world survive. I love my work and I know the risk I am taking but it is still a bit scary. Especially since I am taking that risk to barely get by. I guess I just thought some of this would have gotten a little better by now, but it’s getting worse.
That venting over with, I am very grateful to be getting by. My rent, bills, and food are somehow paid. Between work and UI benefits I am making it. Those UI benefits are essential to my survival. I promise you. I have no idea what I am going to do when Student Loans kick back in. That will put my bills past what I have coming to barely scrape by. I worry about it a lot. Although if you read this blog regularly you know I worry a lot in general, anxiety and all. I broke down and got myself some expensive dental insurance because I have a crown that is likely a root canal now. It hurts. I have been eating a lot of soft foods.
I don’t know how I have been scrapping by for so long during this pandemic, but I trust I will find a way to keep doing it for as a long as it takes.
I have never had a super high paying job – I never really needed one. I have always made enough to get by without starving, to keep my wine membership up, and have a bit of fun. The start of the pandemic was the end of that. I know I am not alone on this one and I want you all out there to know that you aren’t either.
I did okay with the increase of unemployment benefits. I still worked as many hours as I could get but, I was making it by with the help. I was even able to save a bit which is great because that is what I am living on now. The extra money wasn’t a luxury – it was a necessity. I am sorry not was, is a necessity still. I do not feel it is leaching off the system. I work at a nonprofit that has cut my hour and now my titles and pay significantly. I apply to jobs daily (everything from jobs in my field to cashier at Costco). I need that money to come back in some form. The unemployment I get now is just enough to pay my rent and like three bills. The rest (including food) is coming out of savings or because my dude is nice and I cook and do dishes and stuff (I try to pay back in services lol – not like that! get your mind out of the gutter).
Would it be bad to ask family and friends to pick a bill to pay as my birthday present next month? hahahaha That would be the best!
I KNOW I am not alone on this so I wanted to share some fears I am having with the current situation with Corona Virus. I work in an industry that depends on people leaving their homes and coming to a public space daily and for large events. The Corona Virus stuff (even if you feel it’s a media thing or a real thing or what) is a very real problem in my world right now. It’s causing all kinds of chaos – particularly in my brain. What if I can’t work? How will I pay bills? Do I need to move home to Phoenix? WTF am I gonna do in PHX when all public facing jobs wont be hiring? This is the type of panic running around in my brain at the moment. I know a lot of you out there are experiencing the same thing and are in the same situation. I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone. The best I can do is take it one day at a time and be grateful for everyday I get to go to work and make money to live. I am also grateful I bought toilet paper from Costco before this all went down ;).
…causes you to miss big life events and celebrations of people you love.
I have loved being a nomad and living so many different places. I have met some of the most amazing people on this crazy journey and seen some awesome things. I never wanted to be the person who is too afraid to move from the place they lived in their childhood. But for all it’s benefits there are a lot of drawbacks too.
This weekend is my good friends baby shower that I am missing for a few reasons. 1) No money to go home for it. 2) I work weekends as my title is weekend manager. 3) I am taking vacation time next week already. Despite these being good reasons I still feel bad for missing it and not being able to be there. I want to be; it’s just not in the cards. My friend has been super understanding which is really nice. I am watching snaps of them getting ready for the shower and all and I am just feeling guilty and bit homesick I suppose. It is fun and hard to watch the social media posts at the same time.
Still at all the costs my lifestyle has I believe the benefits to my life and setting my own p(e)ace have been worth it. I will say that working every single weekend is starting to take it’s toll on my life; particularly my personal relationships. It has been weighing on my mind so much so that I am using my lunch break to write about it. When do you know that it’s no longer something you can do (because I have bills to pay)?