Realization About My Body…

thanks to pictures and an accomplishment.

When you go somewhere so beautiful you obviously want a ton of pictures of you there. After looking at those pictures the first day, I am ashamed to say that all I took from them was how fat I looked. For all my body positivity, it was at the forefront of my mind. Not how lucky I was to be there but how I weighed too much.

The next day that same body, that didn’t meet my standards, took my all the way up to Yosemite Falls and back. That’s amazing! My body did that. It did that in not it’s best shape. That alone was a wake up call of how much I should appreciate and love my body exactly how it is right now. That doesn’t mean I can’t change it if I want to. But it does mean it’s wonderful and amazing how it is now too.

Sorry for the back to back posts – just didn’t think the could connect as one – then I found the post below and it it did it kind of perfectly.

What If I Stopped Eating…

…for like three weeks.

This is a thought I just had. And I feel bad about having it because I really try to be super body positive (and lately most of the time I do pretty well). I, like many others, have put on weight during this pandemic and quarantine. It’s one of my highest weights, but I never felt super fat or unattractive (I had moments but not overall). For some reason today that changed and I felt really bad. I haven’t eaten much today, nothing really sounds good for some reason, and it occurred to me that if I managed to eat almost nothing today that maybe I could do that tomorrow. I work until 3:30 pm so it wouldn’t be that hard…same schedule the next day. Again, wouldn’t be that hard. Then I thought, how long can I do that to lose weight fast? Then I felt really bad. I am considering starving myself because my own internal pressure. This isn’t who I am! Weight or no I am still me and awesome. I am still attractive because I am loved for being me (which is the freakin dream and I somehow have it). And still, I was considering this.

While I recognize this is not cool, I do need to eat better. This is not an easy feet for me and a lot of people. I suppose I will just try my best.

Additionally, I have been taking a natural appetite suppressant and apple cider vinegar pills. I need a little help with curbing my appetite and impulses. But, I think this is something I may need to do on my own. Is this appetite suppressant a tool or a crutch? I dunno. I will keep you posted.

I know, two posts in one day! I was feeling this though and wanted to share it with you because it felt really real. If you are feeling the same way know you aren’t alone. Also know you are attractive because you are you and loved because you are you. So let’s make some changes to see the result we want, but not allow that to not appreciate the body that we are in now. I mean my boobs are looking good. It took time to gain it and will take time to lose it – until then I will enjoy the benefits of this body and not hate on it so much.