Dipping My Toes Back Into…

…the dating pool.

I went on my first first date in almost 3.5 years on Sunday. Overall it was pretty fun. We wound up hanging out for like 7 hours. I don’t know if it will go anywhere but it was a good first foray back into the dating pool (even the the pool is shallow and full of pee). I kept thinking – I wonder if he likes me (he was a little confusing with signals) and then I realized it – does it matter? It was one date why was I giving if someone I just met liked me so much thought. My mind has been pretty peaceful since that realization. I was really nervous before though – like sick to my stomach nervous. It was just so weird being on a date with someone that wasn’t him. I am glad it turned out well though. Hopefully they continue along that line. Although why do all these guys want to the predominant topic of conversation to be sex like all the time. Yeah sex it great but shit men we just started talking and you don’t even know my last name – I don’t wanna talk about kinks and fantasies and other stuff like that yet – I don’t even know you. Believe it or not we are not all dying to have your dick inside us before we’ve even met in person mmmmmk. Just talk like a normal person. That message is to dudes in general btw – my date was actually very polite – mostly.

Another Thing Getting a Job and Dating…

…have in common.

I am picking this up from the second interview/date point. Things on your first meeting went well. Your optimistic, but not so invested your nervous yet. Then they call for a second interview or a date. Nerves start to set it in. They’re interested, your interested. Your brain starts thinking of all the possibilities of where this could go. It starts from an excited place of all the great things that might be happening; you get the job and it’s great or you’ve met someone who you really like and start seeing me he future relationship in best terms. Then you realize your getting ahead of yourself and try to reign it in. This works but then you start thinking of all the ways it could go south. What if the second interview/date doesn’t go well and your hope sinks like the Titanic. Suffice it say you’re fairly nervous and psyched out by the second interview/date. You sound nervous at first, but then you calm down and start being yourself. It goes well. You feel good and hopeful again. But now your just waiting, checking your texts/email all the time waiting for an indication that they are on the same page you are. Then you start analyzing the by they might not be or how you might have misread how well it went. Do you tell people about the exciting potential opportunity? But if you do that and it doesn’t work out, then you have to tell everyone you weren’t chosen. I haven’t told a lot of people about this job interview for that reason (I have told some who helped me prepare, and you all). I don’t want to show them my disappointment of it doesn’t work out. Anyone else struggle with that? That’s my stage right now with the job I really want. Waiting, checking my email a bunch of times a day. It’s a very similar process to dating. Amazingly similar. Do you think that’s a coincidence or just a result of human nature? That we do important things in a similar way? I’ve definitely been on first dates that felt like interviews.

Yesterday I Saw A Lot of My Life Goals…

…for different stages of my life.

The spotting of my life goals started when I went to the movies. I have Tuesdays off and that is the discount day at the movie theater. I decided to take myself on a date to see Downton Abbey. There was an older couple sitting next to me. They shared popcorn and when the popcorn was gone they held hands. I have always said I want someone’s hand to hold throughout life and love. I couldn’t help but I hope I get so lucky as to have a hand to hold at the movies in my old age.

The second life goal I spotted was on my ‘ralk’ (my term for my Halloween 5K as it is a mix of walking and running). We have talked about my want to be the cute, fit woman in the sports bra just exercising, enjoying it, and looking awesome. Well she ran by me yesterday – confident, fit, tan, and great runner. Instead of being jealous I am now using her as a frame of reference for this goal. I am sure she started out like me and got where she is through dedication and hard work. Kudos to her and thanks to her inspiration, I ran farther then I ever have before! 1.77 miles is a lot in my world – note I did not say the longest because there was walking mixed in for a total 4.22 miles combined running and walking. Running is slowly getting a little easier and little less forced. I am hoping I finish the Halloween 5K with a decent time.

After my run, I met my work wife at the nail salon for a pedicure. The woman next to me was getting the deluce mani and pedi. I know it’s pedi (petty – pun) life goal but I would so love to be in a place financially that I can do that and not feel guilty. I already feel a bit of guilt for getting the basic pedicure. I life with deluxe manicures and pedicures…ahhhh I feel relaxed just day dreaming about it. She probably gets regular massages too which would be awesome!

My life goals may seem a bit simple but I truly believe that happiness and joy are found in the simple or little things. You already know that if you follow by blog but to drive the point home check out Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee from Zombieland below (his character understood this in his search for a Twinkie in the zombie apocalypse).

Image result for zombieland little things
Photo From Pinterest

Modern Dating…

…is exhausting.

I am just going to put it out there, for the most part dating really sucks. Dating in this time is the worst and by that I mean dating apps. I truly hate them all but it is the major way to meet people. Currently I am using Bumble and Tinder. I get a decent number of replies but those replies are far from decent. I state clearly that I don’t want to be your sugar baby, submit to your Christian Grey fantasy, and don’t want random sex. Whatever people are into is cool but you wont be talking me into things I have clearly said I don’t want.

So when chatting leads to an actual date I have to preface it with ‘You wont be getting laid tonight just FYI.’ That rules out another 50% of them.

If you actually make it to that date it’s a gamble. Will this person look like their photos? Do the have a squeaky voice? How much will I have to scan around and protect myself from this stranger if it’s terrible? It’s exhausting! I have given every brand of guy a shot – funny guy, nice guy, single dads, bad boys – you name it I’ve tried it. They are mostly the same. After answering all the typical interview questions about myself – The date is good or bad and that’s it. Poof – they are too busy, they aren’t ready to date, they have 2 heads… I definitely wont settle for anything less then the right relationship in setting my own p(e)ace but I am exhausted.

Anyone who knows me wanna arrange a marriage for me? Share some online dating horror stories so I don’t feel like I ma just bad at modern dating hahahaha

@ns_poetry_ photo credit

P.S. in the hour this has been up my date for tonight already cancelled. I hate this way of dating I really do. Thanks for proving my point.