How I Met Your Mother had a lot of gems but this is one of my favorites. I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I recently started dating someone. We’ve been out a few times and stayed in a few times. It’s nice. Dating. Good dating but just dating. We do talk everyday though. In my getting to know him I get the sense it’s been a long time since anyone was looking out for him. Makes me kinda sad and kicks in my caregiver instincts. I have been telling him he needs an airfyer (he eats like I do). He says hes knows but it’s not a high priority. I was online and found one for a banging price. So just instinctively I got it for him. I do this type of thing for all the people in my life, particularly anyone I am spending a good amount of time with. But after I hit send (it was on amazon) I instantly started freaking out that it’s WAY to soon to do something like that for him. I was told in my last relationship that I was clingy. I suppose my form of caring is a little clingy – I don’t deny that. But he also framed it like it was a bad thing (like real bad) and I don’t think it is. But now I am questioning in a spiral if this will be viewed as clingy. I guess if it is he isn’t the dude for me. Because I still like my form of love and caring….I suppose we will see tomorrow when it gets to him. I will keep you posted. Dobler or Dahmer?
I think I jumped back into dating too quickly after my relationship ended. I feel completely overwhelmed by it (and by the poor quality of people). Despite approaching spinster age in most peoples opinions, I don’t want to date for awhile. I just want to be me – work, play with Marty and hang out with my friends. That sounds pretty good to me. I am done pressuring myself to find a partner because I am in my late 30’s and trying to force myself into doing things I don’t want to do and I am not ready for. Bring on the spinsterhood bitch. I’m down.
Would not being in a relationship be the worst thing could happen? Is that all life is about. I wont let my life be all about that or the pursuit of that. If it happens – awesome. If it doesn’t – I am still a worthwhile person with value. We need to stop treating single people like they are somehow less. I know I have had my fill of it. Even the people who don’t mean to do it kind of do. That’s almost worse hahaha
I am arranging a steak dinner date tonight for me and my dude. I normally can’t really afford to take him out to much (as you all well know by now) so when I saw a Groupon for a steak dinner for two people that was in the price range I was psyched! This whole thing got me thinking about dating, dates, and what makes a date. While I love romantic, fun dates with my dude I think dating is a bigger concept.
I take myself on dates! I think dating yourself is super important. Mostly, I take myself on movie dates but I have been known to take myself out for a glass of wine as well. If you can’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else? Plus you don’t have to share popcorn. So get out there and get to know yourself. Going out by yourself is important in my book. You shouldn’t miss out on doing something awesome because no one else is available to go with you. Don’t be afraid to date yourself.
Dates with your friends are super important as well. Schedule time and activities with your friends – they deserve it! Catch up on what is happening on your lives and just have fun- but do it on purpose. Your friends are great! Don’t they deserve the same time, consideration, and effort as your significant other? I know I couldn’t get my without my friends so I try my best to make efforts and time for them. Schedule a date with your friends and you might learn something new about them! You will definitely show them how much they mean to you.
Go on ‘dates’ with your family! Schedule time with individual family members and spend some one on one time together. You will be very glad you took the time and made the effort. I love spending one on one time with my family members. I am always surprised with the things I learn about people I have known all my life – all just by giving them my time and full attention. You can also schedule group dates with your whole family and do something fun and intentional together that isn’t based around a holiday or big life event (i.e. wedding, funeral, birthday, etc.).
I do think that no matter what type of date you are on that you should commit to putting your cell phone away. I don’t mean it banished but do put it away other than emergencies or looking up movie times. Give your ‘date’ your full attention and spend real time with them – even if it’s yourself.
…building a successful career, dating, finding her Harry, and learning to live without apologies.
After breaking up Mr. X, I
quietly starting hanging out with another guy and kept it very much on the down low as I wanted to
protect it from all the judgement from family and friends. I was not ready to
answer all of the questions and defend myself as to how could I be ready to
date again after ending a 3 plus year relationship. Again, I did it my own way on
my own timeline. It took a few months and then I decided to tell my friends and
family I was dating a new guy.
There will always be pressure
from society, friends and family members asking you at each step of your life
more and more questions but my best advice to you is to stay your ground, and
make your own way. Don’t be a sheep and follow the masses, stand out and be
yourself.
About 6 months into this new
relationship, my new boyfriend and I had a talk about expectations and wants
and where we saw ourselves in 5 years. Heavy questions at 6 months yes, but we
were both almost into our 30s so I felt these questions were warranted. I
followed my instinct and knew I could not emotionally invest anymore time into
this relationship if I didn’t put it out there what I wanted in life. I told my
new boyfriend that I would give this relationship 2 years at most and if before
that or at that time we both don’t see this going anywhere then we can walk
away. He was startled and shocked that I could put a timeline on a relationship
and expected him to accept that. I told him I know for ME that I will know by 2
years if I see a long term future with the person I am dating. I was NOT shy
and told him that I dated people and I KNEW what I wanted in a partner. We had our up and downs during this
relationship but one thing that was for not misunderstood was MY timeline and
my feelings because I did what I thought was right and put it on the line.
Fast forwarding two years, we
were engaged to be married. My boyfriend has proposed on our two year dating
anniversary and took me by surprise! No mention of anything at all until one
evening when we were walking to dinner after a play and I look over and he was
down on one knee! AHH! I said YES! Here I was over the moon happy and couldn’t
believe it!
Even though I was on cloud 9 with
excitement there were still some friends and family in my life saying the
engagement wasn’t fast enough and you already lost two years and that I should
get married ASAP if I wanted kids. Again, people love to share their opinions
regardless of the occasion or event in your life.
My advice is to always be true to
yourself and take a pause and enjoy moments of joy with your significant other
and let your friends and family wait. We told our closest family and friends
about our engagement the day but the rest could wait.
Dating and having a career is
challenging but it can be done. Don’t be shy to cancel dates because of a
project at work, or pushing dinner plans because you are trying to meet a
deadline. If the person you are dating is truly supportive of your career they
will understand. I hated rescheduling dates but I often did because of work. I
didn’t think it was fair to the person I was dating to have to put up with me
when I was fried from a bad day at work or let alone in a horrible mood that no
amount of cosmos or food could fix. Sometimes we all need a personal mental
health day to go home get chick-fil-a and watch a romantic comedy on Netflix
and that is OKAY. I always felt it was better to reschedule vs go ahead with
the date and end up in an argument or something because I was NOT at my best to
start with.
Sometimes it’s hard to not talk about work when you are on dates but one rule I made was I allowed the first ten minutes of the date to be where we can talk about our days at work but after that no more work talk. I felt like this allowed me to truly “leave work at work” and be the true me and relax, unwind, and get to know the person across from me.
I am just going to put it out there, for the most part dating really sucks. Dating in this time is the worst and by that I mean dating apps. I truly hate them all but it is the major way to meet people. Currently I am using Bumble and Tinder. I get a decent number of replies but those replies are far from decent. I state clearly that I don’t want to be your sugar baby, submit to your Christian Grey fantasy, and don’t want random sex. Whatever people are into is cool but you wont be talking me into things I have clearly said I don’t want.
So when chatting leads to an actual date I have to preface it with ‘You wont be getting laid tonight just FYI.’ That rules out another 50% of them.
If you actually make it to that date it’s a gamble. Will this person look like their photos? Do the have a squeaky voice? How much will I have to scan around and protect myself from this stranger if it’s terrible? It’s exhausting! I have given every brand of guy a shot – funny guy, nice guy, single dads, bad boys – you name it I’ve tried it. They are mostly the same. After answering all the typical interview questions about myself – The date is good or bad and that’s it. Poof – they are too busy, they aren’t ready to date, they have 2 heads… I definitely wont settle for anything less then the right relationship in setting my own p(e)ace but I am exhausted.
Anyone who knows me wanna arrange a marriage for me? Share some online dating horror stories so I don’t feel like I ma just bad at modern dating hahahaha
@ns_poetry_ photo credit
P.S. in the hour this has been up my date for tonight already cancelled. I hate this way of dating I really do. Thanks for proving my point.
Set My Own P(e)ace 