…I don’t know. I really don’t.

Yes, I want kids. No, I don’t want kids. Both statements are really true.

Yes, I want kids. I have always thought I would have them. Was it my first goal on life? No. Are they a goal in my life. Yes. I want kids to enrich my family life. Adopt, give birth, whatever. Don’t really care how I get them. (although I have always leaned towards adoption). Is that a good enough reason to have kids?

No, I don’t want kids. I really like sleep. I like living my selfish life where I do what I want when I want without being tied down. I am also pretty poor and kids are expensive. What kind of life could I give my kid without being able to buy it much? I also think that kids are so much work that you really need to want them to have them. Right now, I don’t really want them. But biologically, I am reaching the end of my ability to have them safely. I also don’t want to be an old parent. I want to be able to chase the kid around and play on the floor. My body already is sore after working out! Imagine chasing a kid and lifting it and all.

I once had someone feel very weird about my answer of “I don’t know” about wanting kids. They seemed to not be able to process that I didn’t know for sure. That I didn’t strongly want or not want kids. It was a strange conversation. It almost felt like I had to apologize for my answer hahaha

I have no idea what to do…and freezing my eggs is too expensive.