…and what to let go.
I am an advocate for setting your own p(e)ace and I try my best to follow that but I mostly find myself worrying about everyone else’s p(e)ace and feelings way more then my own. The trickiest part of this is knowing when to voice my feelings and when not to. Sometimes your first reaction isn’t a true reaction – it is just an overreaction by anxiety and emotion. I have gotten better at not voicing that initial gut reaction for the most part but it still slips out from time to time and I almost always regret it.
Sometimes I think about things a long time before I say them. I know they are important and I deserve to voice them but have to wait for the right setting and time. I never used to wait at all so I am pretty proud of this improvement. Even with all the thought put into timing and how I word them, they are no always received with an open heart and mind, which is hard. All I can do is say how I feel and hope whoever I am speaking to hears it and considers what I am saying with care and love.
Other times, I decide not to say anything at all, wait and see if whatever is bothering me or whatever I am feeling passes. People who know me well can tell when I am doing that I think – sometimes it gets me into more trouble because it builds up inside of me and they can see it then I blurt it all out. Sometimes it works fine and just passes, in which case it wasn’t a huge deal to start.
How do you know what to say and when in order to balance setting your own p(e)ace and taking others into consideration?
…and it broke my heart not to get to see it.
Seeing Hamilton was a musical theater nerd dream that I have been waiting years for and when the reminder popped up on my calendar last night I almost cried. I know for some that seems dramatic and like a silly little item on a bucket list that I can do later, but to me it hurt and still stings. I haven’t been able to afford to go before this because it was impossible to get tickets for under $300 per cheap seat. So, when the tour was coming to LA I got up early to get tickets at a reasonable price and I DID. It was awesome. I was so excited.
I realize that there are other people in the world with a lot bigger disappointments but I learned in therapy that doesn’t invalidate my feelings so I am sharing them. I want you all to know that small disappointments are okay to express even if they seem small or insignificant compared to world events or someone else’s circumstances. Feel what you feel and right now I feel pissed and disappointed to have this dream delayed yet again.
…about one another when we are still alive to hear them?
Recently, a coworker of mine passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly. It is incredibly sad. We held a memorial for her at work and all these wonderful people shared all these wonderful stories and traits of this person. It was really emotional and raw and true. All I could think was why don’t we say these wonderful things we think about each other when we are alive to enjoy them?
Don’t get me wrong – I know it is an important part of the grieving process – I just want to tell people these things now and have them tell me now while I am around to enjoy what they like/love about me and what I like/love about them.
Are we scared about the reaction we will get? As women, are we scared we will be seen as ‘too emotional?’ (we have all been accused of that at some point, am I right?) As men, is it just not in your first instinct? As humans are we afraid of the rejection of our true and honest feelings?
Seems to me, the world, and those of us living in it, could use all that love.
…how you feel.
I struggle with this question a lot. As someone who tends to feel a lot it’s hard to live in a world where most other people don’t – or at least aren’t uncomfortable expressing those feelings. Expressing things like sadness or disappointment – especially with someone you really care about is really, really difficult. People who are uncomfortable with expressing feelings or having feelings expressed to them often over use the term ‘over sensitive’ to describe those of us that express our feelings frequently and really get defensive about it (again, this is from my perspective so if you disagree totally fine). I have already discussed this term and how I feel about it, so I wont reiterate that to you. So does that mean that you just have to bottle up how you feel? Should you pick and chose the times to tell people? Should I conform to a majority world that isn’t comfortable with my expression of feelings?
Like I said, I struggle with this question a lot. I don’t want to cause strife where there is none. I never think simply expressing how I feel and getting it out of my brain will cause problems, but it tends to. So, do I just learn to live with keeping those feelings in most of the time? That doesn’t seem healthy.
The thing on my mind right now isn’t an end of the world or ‘deal breaker’ thing, but it is actively on my mind bumming me out. If I say it to this other person though it might cause a whole to do – which would not be my intention. Especially when this person does a lot for me already – does that mean I ignore this item and pretend it doesn’t matter? Is that something this other person has earned and that my feelings on this matter aren’t as important? It’s such a hard question.
So I am putting it out to my small but awesome readership. How much of yourself do you compromise to fit into the world around you?