My Appetite Has Been Off…

…and it’s kind of a bummer.

All the things I loved to eat now only kind of taste okay. This has a plus side because they aren’t very good for me lol. But still I miss the enjoyment I would get from eating a nice portion of chips. I am also A LOT less hungry then I was. I don’t get that starvation feeling anymore. Again good, but I know I need to eat and I don’t really want to. Nothing sounds good, nothing tastes real good when I do eat it. Wine is still good, but even that I have one glass and I am done. I don’t know if it was the major hike or the COVID vaccination that reset my appetite. Maybe it’s just getting older. I don’t really know. Maybe it’s life giving me a gift to change my diet for the better. All of these are options, I just feel confused by it a bit. The change was sudden and all at once. Just weird. Anyone ever had that happen?

Full Cabinets…

…and it feels good.

I decided to dip into the savings a little and fill my cabinets with food. I have been shopping on the skinny meaning the only things I am eating that day or the following. I went to Trader Joes, Target, the Dollar Store, Michaels (cheap and good holiday candles), and an Imperfect Produce order. I now have three kinds of Joe Joe’s, pumpkin for Marty to eat, and stuff to make dinners. I feel better – less rushed. I can’t do it all the time, but right now it feel like a good choice. I never thought that full cabinets would make me feel so reassured. I suppose food is survival so it makes sense I feel more secure. The feeling in relation to groceries just surprised me.

Then I used the money I had leftover to get Marty a haircut and bath. He looks incredibly handsome and smells super good. It makes me feel good to know he’s clean and taken care of by me. Makes me happy.

I suppose my whole overall take away is maybe money can’t buy happiness but is can buy peace. It feels pretty darn good and makes me happy. So, turns out, a little money can buy happiness and a cabinet full of food! People who say it doesn’t have never wondered where their next meal was coming from or how they were gonna scrape together rent.

The Money Struggle…

…is super real – especially right now.

I have never had a super high paying job – I never really needed one. I have always made enough to get by without starving, to keep my wine membership up, and have a bit of fun. The start of the pandemic was the end of that. I know I am not alone on this one and I want you all out there to know that you aren’t either.

I did okay with the increase of unemployment benefits. I still worked as many hours as I could get but, I was making it by with the help. I was even able to save a bit which is great because that is what I am living on now. The extra money wasn’t a luxury – it was a necessity. I am sorry not was, is a necessity still. I do not feel it is leaching off the system. I work at a nonprofit that has cut my hour and now my titles and pay significantly. I apply to jobs daily (everything from jobs in my field to cashier at Costco). I need that money to come back in some form. The unemployment I get now is just enough to pay my rent and like three bills. The rest (including food) is coming out of savings or because my dude is nice and I cook and do dishes and stuff (I try to pay back in services lol – not like that! get your mind out of the gutter).

Would it be bad to ask family and friends to pick a bill to pay as my birthday present next month? hahahaha That would be the best!

Convincing Myself That I Am NOT…

…hungry. Mind over matter.

Lately I have been super hungry most of the time. I don’t know if it’s getting back into my workout routine, coming off holiday eating, or my hormone cycle, but I am hungry almost all the time. The kind of hunger that is really hard to ignore. I am trying to convince my body it isn’t as hungry as it is saying it is because I know I don’t need to consume as much food as it wants me too. I know I should shove it full of vegetables but that isn’t what the hunger wants (who wants vegetables all the time?).

I went through a two week phase were my appetite was very low. It was nice. Now it seems to be making up for lost time. So I am trying to do things to distract myself (like write this post) or work or workout or whatever. I know this denying of the hunger is ultimately what my body needs (especially to keep my weight down) but it seems almost crazy to ignore. My body must need these calories right? Is it hunger or is it just cravings for certain foods? How do you learn the difference? This has a been a lifelong struggle for me. Eating for satisfaction vs. eating for health and energy. Working out comes naturally to me – eating healthy does not. Anyone out there experience this and have ant tips?