…that got me thinking (because we all have time to overthink nowadays).
The quote was “I used to walk into a room and wonder if the people in that room liked me. Now I wonder if I like them.”
OK it was a meme but it still provoked thought. I have ALWAYS been so concerned that people like me…like all people. I still become uncomfortable at the thought of someone actively disliking me. I always admired those people who can walk through life not giving a fuck if people like them – they always seemed happier and less stressed then me.
I am pushing towards that second half of this quote but also kind of hope I never fully achieve it. I want to care less but not not at all. Does that make sense? I need to figure out if I like the room full of people BEFORE I worry about them all liking me. I want to be liked by people are are worth being liked by and gaining the respect of.
What this thought process boiled down to for me is – I would rather have a few people I super close to and respect then a room full of mediocre acquaintances who don’t think anything bad about me because they don’t think about me at all.
Life wears everyone down a bit sometimes so I go to thinking about what recharges my batteries on life. When I started really thinking about it I realized it’s pretty small things.
Wine – I am serious. A really good glass of wine can make my whole day better. I am not talking about getting drunker here, I am talking about unwinding with a tasty glass of wine and letting a little warmth wash over you. Most winemakers put a lot of work and care into what they do and I think that makes a difference.
Exercise – to forget your troubles. My brain moves into a different and less busy space when I workout it. Everything else fades away and shuts off. I have never found anything that does this quite as well as exercise.
People- yep ya read that right. People can one of the big things that drains me in a customer service industry but they also restore you. Friends, family, and interesting strangers all offer new and different motivation everyday.
Goals – little ones. Reaching small goals I have set for myself – like paying off my car or saving for a Christmas present or any small goal really. Reaching a small goal fuels me to the next. Drops in the goal bucket add up quick.
Positive Action- help others. Almost nothing makes me feel quite as good as doing something nice for someone. Could be anyone. I donate blood if I am feeling like I need to contribute something good for the universe. I enjoy getting people little presents or doing surprise favors. Just gives me new life.
I am arranging a steak dinner date tonight for me and my dude. I normally can’t really afford to take him out to much (as you all well know by now) so when I saw a Groupon for a steak dinner for two people that was in the price range I was psyched! This whole thing got me thinking about dating, dates, and what makes a date. While I love romantic, fun dates with my dude I think dating is a bigger concept.
I take myself on dates! I think dating yourself is super important. Mostly, I take myself on movie dates but I have been known to take myself out for a glass of wine as well. If you can’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else? Plus you don’t have to share popcorn. So get out there and get to know yourself. Going out by yourself is important in my book. You shouldn’t miss out on doing something awesome because no one else is available to go with you. Don’t be afraid to date yourself.
Dates with your friends are super important as well. Schedule time and activities with your friends – they deserve it! Catch up on what is happening on your lives and just have fun- but do it on purpose. Your friends are great! Don’t they deserve the same time, consideration, and effort as your significant other? I know I couldn’t get my without my friends so I try my best to make efforts and time for them. Schedule a date with your friends and you might learn something new about them! You will definitely show them how much they mean to you.
Go on ‘dates’ with your family! Schedule time with individual family members and spend some one on one time together. You will be very glad you took the time and made the effort. I love spending one on one time with my family members. I am always surprised with the things I learn about people I have known all my life – all just by giving them my time and full attention. You can also schedule group dates with your whole family and do something fun and intentional together that isn’t based around a holiday or big life event (i.e. wedding, funeral, birthday, etc.).
I do think that no matter what type of date you are on that you should commit to putting your cell phone away. I don’t mean it banished but do put it away other than emergencies or looking up movie times. Give your ‘date’ your full attention and spend real time with them – even if it’s yourself.
Yesterday with my 34th birthday and it was great. I had so many messages and well wishes. A group of people took a train to San Diego to go to a baseball game with me. My dad drove all the way from Phoenix to visit and bring me my present. My brother gave me something I truly needed and so appreciate. My dude moved my dresser all by himself which was huge load of my mind. I am so well taken care of between my family and friends. I do try to return the favor but sometimes I fear I may never be able to repay their love and kindness towards me. I truly don’t know what I did to deserve them and I know most of the time I don’t.
I am hoping that 34 will be my year. My year to advance in love, life, and career. It’s odd but I still don’t feel like a full adult most of the time…till I pay rent hahahaha.
For now I am reflecting on my 34 years of life. I have done just about everything I set out to do and messed up every step of the way. I don’t mean that in a negative way just to clarify. I like most of the screw ups I have committed – they taught me quite a bit and made my who I am. I have had successes and adventures to follow them. I look forward to my next 34 years and my successes and screw ups. I can’t wait to see what happens and what I make of it. However, I know without a single doubt that the people mentioned above will be a part of them and that makes me so happy and so fortunate.
When my husband and I announced
that I was pregnant, the responses we received were all over the spectrum. Most
of our family and friends were soo happy and some even cried. However, we were
also met with “WOW, we just figured you two didn’t want kids and were career
people since it’s been two years since your wedding.”
I had a pretty easy pregnancy and
was able to work out and carry on with my normal activities until 36 weeks. My
husband and I went to every appointment together and we share sonogram pictures
with our parents and closest friends yet for some this wasn’t enough. Some told
me I wasn’t bubbly enough or happy enough during my pregnancy. Some even had
the audacity to tell me that I wasn’t sharing my pregnancy enough with family
and I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. This all was a SHOCK to me. When did it
become alright for people to put you down while you were PREGNANT???
During my pregnancy I learned a
lot of unexpected life lessons. When my husband and I told our family that NO
one would be in the delivery room with us for the birth of our baby, our
parents (both sides) were offended. They even tried to guilt us into changing
our minds. They said everything from well it is your mother’s right to be
there! REALLY??, who decided that? I’ve known many couples who gave into the
family pressure of letting their parents into the delivery room but NOPE not
us! My husband and I wanted to do it OUR way and we held firm and said NO.
We also told our family and
friends that we would take the first month to ourselves and have NO visitors. O
boy did that NOT go over well. AGAIN, people were saying we have the “right” to
see your baby ASAP! Really, again who gave you that right? In some cultures
there is a rule where the mom and dad of a new baby take 40 days for themselves
to become a family of one. My husband and I learned of this through my co-worker
and we took it and ran with it. I personally didn’t want to be in pain and have
to worry about taking a shower to entertain family and friends have just giving
birth to a baby. I’m so thankful to have a supportive husband who agreed with
me.
Over that month of my maternity
leave, I learned what it took to be a mom and how to care for our baby. My
husband was great at letting me nap and helped keep the house afloat while I
recovered and cared for our baby. Moms have a LOT to deal with emotionally and
physically after having a baby. My advice is to always LISTEN to your gut and
body and don’t back down to anyone. Mom strength is real but so it the mama
bear instinct!
After 8 weeks off and returning
to work it took a matter of maybe 4 months until people and I mean everyone in
my life to start asking me “When is number 2 coming?” I was SHOCKED! I mean
hello, I just gave birth to a baby which I grew for 9+ months and you want to
know about number 2??? My advice to you
when that day comes to start a family, IGNORE those people in your life who
want to know about kid #2. ENJOY all of the time you have with your first baby
and enjoy that moment with your spouse.
Friends and family kept telling
us that we were crazy for not to want our parents (both sides) there to help
with the house and cook and stuff after baby. Many said “How could you even
think to do this on your own?” They
called my husband and me crazy, told us we were being selfish and everything in
between. We even had close friends of ours bring it up later on months after
our baby was born in a passive aggressive way saying “well you two didn’t want
us at the hospital or house to meet the baby so we took out time and met them
when we were available.”
I also sadly learned that when you go through a life change just like marriage or moving away for a job that your friend circle continues to change and evolve. During my pregnancy I learned that some of my friends couldn’t be happy for me and were negative. So I decided to stop communicating with those friends and decided I couldn’t deal with their negativity in my life anymore. It was hard to see those friends go away. For a while I blamed myself for the ended friendship but after a few months I realized it was their fault. If a true friend can’t be happy for you in your moment of happiness then they aren’t deserving of your time. Stay strong and surround yourself with positive people in your life. Find those friends that you know without a doubt you can call up in a time of need and they would drop everything to get to you. These are the kind of people who you need in your life.
Set My Own P(e)ace 