Give it 3 Months…

…is what they say about new birth control.

Three fucking months of feeling a little nauseous (or a lot), a little light headed, mood swings and overall yuck. Takes 3 months for your body to adjust to the hormones. That’s a long fucking time to feel miserable a good chunk of the time. I know I need the hormones (thanks PCOS and making too much testosterone) but shit man 3 months of this. I just started week 3. I’m not even a third of the way through this shit and I kinda wanna rip it off my body and quit. But then the PCOS side effects will kick into high gear and that’s just a different kind of miserable. Can’t win for losing here.

I heard someone say the other day (can’t recall where – radio maybe) that they can’t wait to meet themselves once they no longer have to take birth control and I felt that so hard. It does so much and fucks you up in so many ways. Yanno why women take birth control? Because men couldn’t handle this shit. Sorry guys but it’s true. Y’all have no idea.

I can’t imagine what pregnancy hormones do to you. Not sure I want too.

I wrote this awhile back – some of these symptoms are improving but boy was I upset about it at the time. I hope you enjoyed my rant hahahaha

An Anxiety Wave…

…woke me up last night.

It was one of the worst I’ve had in awhile. I was drifting off to sleep when it hit. I was groggy so wasn’t even sure what it was about at first. Which was almost as disorienting as the anxiety. Another case of anxiety about anxiety. I did finally figure out what it was about which helped a little. Aired for the wave to recede a bit and went to sleep. Woke up feeling a lot better but wowza that was a bad wave. Maybe it’s because I switched my birth control patch for a fresh one? Maybe it was just built up. Unsure but I wrote a whopper of an opinion article about how birth control messes ya up. You’ll get to read it soon hahaha here’s hoping that was my last wave for a bit.

Charlotte Setting Her Own P(e)ace with Her Bump…

…and the people in her life.

When my husband and I announced that I was pregnant, the responses we received were all over the spectrum. Most of our family and friends were soo happy and some even cried. However, we were also met with “WOW, we just figured you two didn’t want kids and were career people since it’s been two years since your wedding.”

I had a pretty easy pregnancy and was able to work out and carry on with my normal activities until 36 weeks. My husband and I went to every appointment together and we share sonogram pictures with our parents and closest friends yet for some this wasn’t enough. Some told me I wasn’t bubbly enough or happy enough during my pregnancy. Some even had the audacity to tell me that I wasn’t sharing my pregnancy enough with family and I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. This all was a SHOCK to me. When did it become alright for people to put you down while you were PREGNANT???

During my pregnancy I learned a lot of unexpected life lessons. When my husband and I told our family that NO one would be in the delivery room with us for the birth of our baby, our parents (both sides) were offended. They even tried to guilt us into changing our minds. They said everything from well it is your mother’s right to be there! REALLY??, who decided that? I’ve known many couples who gave into the family pressure of letting their parents into the delivery room but NOPE not us! My husband and I wanted to do it OUR way and we held firm and said NO.

We also told our family and friends that we would take the first month to ourselves and have NO visitors. O boy did that NOT go over well. AGAIN, people were saying we have the “right” to see your baby ASAP! Really, again who gave you that right? In some cultures there is a rule where the mom and dad of a new baby take 40 days for themselves to become a family of one. My husband and I learned of this through my co-worker and we took it and ran with it. I personally didn’t want to be in pain and have to worry about taking a shower to entertain family and friends have just giving birth to a baby. I’m so thankful to have a supportive husband who agreed with me.

Over that month of my maternity leave, I learned what it took to be a mom and how to care for our baby. My husband was great at letting me nap and helped keep the house afloat while I recovered and cared for our baby. Moms have a LOT to deal with emotionally and physically after having a baby. My advice is to always LISTEN to your gut and body and don’t back down to anyone. Mom strength is real but so it the mama bear instinct!

After 8 weeks off and returning to work it took a matter of maybe 4 months until people and I mean everyone in my life to start asking me “When is number 2 coming?” I was SHOCKED! I mean hello, I just gave birth to a baby which I grew for 9+ months and you want to know about number 2???  My advice to you when that day comes to start a family, IGNORE those people in your life who want to know about kid #2. ENJOY all of the time you have with your first baby and enjoy that moment with your spouse.

Friends and family kept telling us that we were crazy for not to want our parents (both sides) there to help with the house and cook and stuff after baby. Many said “How could you even think to do this on your own?”  They called my husband and me crazy, told us we were being selfish and everything in between. We even had close friends of ours bring it up later on months after our baby was born in a passive aggressive way saying “well you two didn’t want us at the hospital or house to meet the baby so we took out time and met them when we were available.”

I also sadly learned that when you go through a life change just like marriage or moving away for a job that your friend circle continues to change and evolve. During my pregnancy I learned that some of my friends couldn’t be happy for me and were negative. So I decided to stop communicating with those friends and decided I couldn’t deal with their negativity in my life anymore. It was hard to see those friends go away. For a while I blamed myself for the ended friendship but after a few months I realized it was their fault. If a true friend can’t be happy for you in your moment of happiness then they aren’t deserving of your time. Stay strong and surround yourself with positive people in your life. Find those friends that you know without a doubt you can call up in a time of need and they would drop everything to get to you. These are the kind of people who you need in your life.

Trust your body, your heart, your soul. It is truth. Listen to it. #heal #health #selflove

PCOS – P.retty C.learly O.vershadowing S.hit…

…oh what that’s wrong. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Let’s talk about it.

My impending OBGYN appointment to talk about my side effects of PCOS today got me thinking about my life with PCOS and all it’s complications in setting my own p(e)ace. At the age of 15 I developed crazy pain and wound up with a series of tests in the ER (one ended in hands in places I had never experienced – all legit just terrible). The next day and a CT scan later I found out I had PCOS and got to the to the OBGYN.

I wasn’t thrilled and it only got worse at 15. I went into the doctor and after telling them that I wasn’t sexually active three separate times they still didn’t believe me. They treated me like a liar and continued the exam. She was NOT gentle in any manor; it was rough and painful. No one told me what to expect before insert things in my body then exclaiming ‘Oh you are virgin!’

Since this fun first experience my least favorite symptoms have been hair in crazy places and weight issues. I realize this is nothing in the grand scheme of things but it’s not real fun to yoyo in weight and have random hairs pop out of my face.

Hormone swings are by far the worst. Imagine feeling off without being able to explain why. The people in your life tell you how bad you are acting but trust me it isn’t half as bad as it feels. You try to explain it but they brush it off as if it’s an excuse they don’t quite believe so you stop explaining it to people. If you can’t talk about that how do you talk about potential challenges with fertility. I am not even sure I want kids – if I do I want to adopt them – but worrying it might not be a possibility is a whole new feeling and worry about letting a future partner down potentially. I suppose it doesn’t do any good to worry but worry is a side effect.

That brings me to my latest symptom – a three week period. So I am going in today to hopefully get adjusted or find a cyst to get rid of.

I know PCOS is fairly common. If you need someone to talk to about it that will listen, I am here.