I Met My Past Self Tonight…

…and I tried my best to save her.

Tonight was the my monthly wine party which is always a good time. My work wife and I sat at a large table. We were quickly joined by 4 other people. Two of them were a very friendly couple and the other two were also a friendly couple. As the night wore on, we discovered that the 2nd couple has only been dating three months. We were talking with the woman (her bf was getting wine) and she mentioned that it was new and she could still cut and run basically (my wording not hers). She then mentioned a meme she saw that made her laugh (it’s funny I will give her that) about a new relationship being like a shelter dog. I will mess your life up for awhile but if you can survive that I’ll love you forever. That’s when I realized she was me seven months ago! I completely had that mentality. I thought “oh this is new I can still have it end and be okay” which is completely a self defense thing. I was terrified of getting hurt, of getting what I wanted after so long and being so scared it would disappear that I had to joke about to rationalize it.

Also, I pushed my limits with my current dude. I didn’t necessarily do it on purpose but I definitely pushed my limits and his. I wanted to make sure he was going to stick around. That lead to a month break up -which I am actually really grateful for as it offered perspective into what I was doing. I got F*cking lucky that our love survived what I put it through. After listening to this woman I knew I had to say something. She was making the same mistake – pushing a good man to his limits. She might not get as lucky as I did and have her love outlast the tests. So I tried to tell her that you can only push so far before you push people away. I hope she took it to heart. I have been there and I have done that. I won’t say that no good comes from it because my dude and I worked through it but it’s definitely a high stakes gamble. I tried to pass on my lesson of don’t gamble with something you aren’t ready to part with.

Anyone else out there relate to me and past me?