…and that person is me.
Relationships are really hard and are so much work. I started to give too much of myself away to accommodate my relationship. I started to get small. If you know me, really know me, you that nothing about me is small (insert insecure body joke here). I have a big personality and I am unafraid to show it off. Any you know what? I like that about myself, I really do. I am done toning that down for other peoples comfort, inside and outside of my relationship. Hopefully everyone can just love me for me. Hopefully I will feel better and less trapped in a box that other people are trying to fit me into or want me to fit into. I am not saying that a relationship shouldn’t change you some, but not who you are at your core and it definitely shouldn’t make you feel small. I hate feeling small. Goes against my entire nature. I suppose we will see how the world reacts to me just being me with my big personality. I hope well. I hope it leads to good things and happiness. But then again, I guess we all hope for that. To be loved for exactly who we are, warts and all.
Speaking up for yourself in a way that other people will hear you is a tough trick though. Can’t be too honest or harsh or you lose their attention. Can’t be too soft spoken because they can’t hear that either. I don’t want to be harsh or hurt anyone – I just want my voice to matter as much as everyone else’s does to me. I just can’t swallow it anymore. I wont be berated into shutting down anymore. I have to be vocal. I have to express what I am thinking and feeling, even if it’s unpopular. Hopefully it matters.