…and the people in her life.
When my husband and I announced that I was pregnant, the responses we received were all over the spectrum. Most of our family and friends were soo happy and some even cried. However, we were also met with “WOW, we just figured you two didn’t want kids and were career people since it’s been two years since your wedding.”
I had a pretty easy pregnancy and was able to work out and carry on with my normal activities until 36 weeks. My husband and I went to every appointment together and we share sonogram pictures with our parents and closest friends yet for some this wasn’t enough. Some told me I wasn’t bubbly enough or happy enough during my pregnancy. Some even had the audacity to tell me that I wasn’t sharing my pregnancy enough with family and I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. This all was a SHOCK to me. When did it become alright for people to put you down while you were PREGNANT???
During my pregnancy I learned a lot of unexpected life lessons. When my husband and I told our family that NO one would be in the delivery room with us for the birth of our baby, our parents (both sides) were offended. They even tried to guilt us into changing our minds. They said everything from well it is your mother’s right to be there! REALLY??, who decided that? I’ve known many couples who gave into the family pressure of letting their parents into the delivery room but NOPE not us! My husband and I wanted to do it OUR way and we held firm and said NO.
We also told our family and friends that we would take the first month to ourselves and have NO visitors. O boy did that NOT go over well. AGAIN, people were saying we have the “right” to see your baby ASAP! Really, again who gave you that right? In some cultures there is a rule where the mom and dad of a new baby take 40 days for themselves to become a family of one. My husband and I learned of this through my co-worker and we took it and ran with it. I personally didn’t want to be in pain and have to worry about taking a shower to entertain family and friends have just giving birth to a baby. I’m so thankful to have a supportive husband who agreed with me.
Over that month of my maternity leave, I learned what it took to be a mom and how to care for our baby. My husband was great at letting me nap and helped keep the house afloat while I recovered and cared for our baby. Moms have a LOT to deal with emotionally and physically after having a baby. My advice is to always LISTEN to your gut and body and don’t back down to anyone. Mom strength is real but so it the mama bear instinct!
After 8 weeks off and returning to work it took a matter of maybe 4 months until people and I mean everyone in my life to start asking me “When is number 2 coming?” I was SHOCKED! I mean hello, I just gave birth to a baby which I grew for 9+ months and you want to know about number 2??? My advice to you when that day comes to start a family, IGNORE those people in your life who want to know about kid #2. ENJOY all of the time you have with your first baby and enjoy that moment with your spouse.
Friends and family kept telling us that we were crazy for not to want our parents (both sides) there to help with the house and cook and stuff after baby. Many said “How could you even think to do this on your own?” They called my husband and me crazy, told us we were being selfish and everything in between. We even had close friends of ours bring it up later on months after our baby was born in a passive aggressive way saying “well you two didn’t want us at the hospital or house to meet the baby so we took out time and met them when we were available.”
I also sadly learned that when you go through a life change just like marriage or moving away for a job that your friend circle continues to change and evolve. During my pregnancy I learned that some of my friends couldn’t be happy for me and were negative. So I decided to stop communicating with those friends and decided I couldn’t deal with their negativity in my life anymore. It was hard to see those friends go away. For a while I blamed myself for the ended friendship but after a few months I realized it was their fault. If a true friend can’t be happy for you in your moment of happiness then they aren’t deserving of your time. Stay strong and surround yourself with positive people in your life. Find those friends that you know without a doubt you can call up in a time of need and they would drop everything to get to you. These are the kind of people who you need in your life.