August is just around the corner…yet it feels like March. I know many of us feel this way. It’s been awhile since I have written because I didn’t have anything positive to say and I like to keep the tone of this blog honest by hopeful. So here I am in the mist of a pandemic trying to have a hopeful tone. It’s not always easy and I wont spread anymore woes to all of your wonderful people so it took me awhile to get inspired to write again.
I haven’t seen my family in 8 months – not a positive but had a positive effect. I miss them a lot. I don’t think I will take for granted being able to hop on a plane or in my car to visit. My nephew is HUGE! My mom is out there working. My brother is out helping people and my sister-in-law too. I just miss soaking in their company. Hopefully I will be able to again soon and I will be very excited.
It’s almost my birthday month (September). I am almost 35 and somehow it feels old, but not in a negative way. It feels a little more experienced – maybe it’s the age, maybe it’s living through this tough time. I don’t really know.
I hope you all are doing well and have a wonderful dog to keep you ‘pawsitive’ when you’re down. It’s been really nice 🙂 I do love puns…
When my husband and I announced
that I was pregnant, the responses we received were all over the spectrum. Most
of our family and friends were soo happy and some even cried. However, we were
also met with “WOW, we just figured you two didn’t want kids and were career
people since it’s been two years since your wedding.”
I had a pretty easy pregnancy and
was able to work out and carry on with my normal activities until 36 weeks. My
husband and I went to every appointment together and we share sonogram pictures
with our parents and closest friends yet for some this wasn’t enough. Some told
me I wasn’t bubbly enough or happy enough during my pregnancy. Some even had
the audacity to tell me that I wasn’t sharing my pregnancy enough with family
and I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. This all was a SHOCK to me. When did it
become alright for people to put you down while you were PREGNANT???
During my pregnancy I learned a
lot of unexpected life lessons. When my husband and I told our family that NO
one would be in the delivery room with us for the birth of our baby, our
parents (both sides) were offended. They even tried to guilt us into changing
our minds. They said everything from well it is your mother’s right to be
there! REALLY??, who decided that? I’ve known many couples who gave into the
family pressure of letting their parents into the delivery room but NOPE not
us! My husband and I wanted to do it OUR way and we held firm and said NO.
We also told our family and
friends that we would take the first month to ourselves and have NO visitors. O
boy did that NOT go over well. AGAIN, people were saying we have the “right” to
see your baby ASAP! Really, again who gave you that right? In some cultures
there is a rule where the mom and dad of a new baby take 40 days for themselves
to become a family of one. My husband and I learned of this through my co-worker
and we took it and ran with it. I personally didn’t want to be in pain and have
to worry about taking a shower to entertain family and friends have just giving
birth to a baby. I’m so thankful to have a supportive husband who agreed with
me.
Over that month of my maternity
leave, I learned what it took to be a mom and how to care for our baby. My
husband was great at letting me nap and helped keep the house afloat while I
recovered and cared for our baby. Moms have a LOT to deal with emotionally and
physically after having a baby. My advice is to always LISTEN to your gut and
body and don’t back down to anyone. Mom strength is real but so it the mama
bear instinct!
After 8 weeks off and returning
to work it took a matter of maybe 4 months until people and I mean everyone in
my life to start asking me “When is number 2 coming?” I was SHOCKED! I mean
hello, I just gave birth to a baby which I grew for 9+ months and you want to
know about number 2??? My advice to you
when that day comes to start a family, IGNORE those people in your life who
want to know about kid #2. ENJOY all of the time you have with your first baby
and enjoy that moment with your spouse.
Friends and family kept telling
us that we were crazy for not to want our parents (both sides) there to help
with the house and cook and stuff after baby. Many said “How could you even
think to do this on your own?” They
called my husband and me crazy, told us we were being selfish and everything in
between. We even had close friends of ours bring it up later on months after
our baby was born in a passive aggressive way saying “well you two didn’t want
us at the hospital or house to meet the baby so we took out time and met them
when we were available.”
I also sadly learned that when you go through a life change just like marriage or moving away for a job that your friend circle continues to change and evolve. During my pregnancy I learned that some of my friends couldn’t be happy for me and were negative. So I decided to stop communicating with those friends and decided I couldn’t deal with their negativity in my life anymore. It was hard to see those friends go away. For a while I blamed myself for the ended friendship but after a few months I realized it was their fault. If a true friend can’t be happy for you in your moment of happiness then they aren’t deserving of your time. Stay strong and surround yourself with positive people in your life. Find those friends that you know without a doubt you can call up in a time of need and they would drop everything to get to you. These are the kind of people who you need in your life.
Set My Own P(e)ace 