But 10 months it has been. My nephew has doubled in size and will have zero idea of who I am. That’s okay though because he’ll know eventually. My family has lead their lives for ten months without seeing me and I without seeing them. I know people go a lot longer but I think this is the longest I have gone. It’s odd. I am going home next week. I know it isn’t 100% safe yet but sometimes you have to take a risk. If something happened to a family member and I didn’t see them when I had the chance – I couldn’t live with that. So I am taking the risk and going. Plus, everyone gets to meet Marty 🙂 He’s coming too! He’s excited for his first road trip (with me anyway – don’t know if it’s his first).
I am excited and nervous. I am always nervous to do that drive – driving in general makes me a little nervous. Thankfully my dude is probably coming with me to help with the drive. It’s also been some time since we all interacted so I hope it goes well. I hope the Tuscon crew can make it to see us.
Then it wont be 10 months till my next visit. I am hoping for Thanksgiving.
There is a car in my complex that has a sun shield. It is always up and every time I walk past it I think, ‘wow that’s really wrong’ and feel bad for the person who follows it’s mantra of ‘The safest risk is the one you don’t take.’ You know I want to create a safe space with no judgement but come on. I hope the person who owns it interprets it differently then I do. To never take a risk or a chance though? What kind of life is that?
Along those lines I have decided to fully jump into my latest risk and take a chance on love…again. I have written about this man before and we have been apart for about a month. A week ago today we reconnected and it’s been pretty magical (he is taking me to the Harry Potter symphony event so I thought this word appropriate) ever since. Yesterday I found myself worrying though that it wouldn’t work which is why I think I am just writing about it now. It’s a fair thing to worry about; it’s a scary risk. However, the worry was taking over my brain and making me act weird – so I am letting the worry and fear go. I am a better person for myself and for him without it.
Despite it being a scary leap to take, I have decided to jump in. Jumping in all the way is the only hope it has of working. I am going to do my best to let the fear go and enjoy the here and now of this man and this relationship. There is so much good in it and him and us together that I whole heartedly believe this relationship and time together is worth the risk.
What are you taking a chance on? I want to hear your stories.