It’s a dark day in the Raetz household -has been for 21 years. My Grandpa died on Valentine’s Day 21 years ago. Just about 6 months after my grandma did. My Grandma’s death was sad of course, but really she had been gone for a couple of years. It was a release from pain and suffering. My Grandpa was apparently sick but didn’t tell anyone, so it felt very sudden to us. When I think back it was really the beginning of the end of my nuclear family. It really is when things began to unravel. Took a decade to fall to pieces – but that is where it started. I cried last night – I cried a lot. That was my allotment for this anniversary. Doesn’t make the day easier. My dude sent my chicken nuggets for Valentines Day and it really made my day better and easier. We worked on trees in the park today and that is always physically demanding. The nuggets perked me back up to finish my work emails and few other tasks. So thank you, it may seem small but it was big to me. That is the magic of chicken nuggies to turn your day around (or at least brighten it up).
I struggle with this question a lot. As someone who tends to feel a lot it’s hard to live in a world where most other people don’t – or at least aren’t uncomfortable expressing those feelings. Expressing things like sadness or disappointment – especially with someone you really care about is really, really difficult. People who are uncomfortable with expressing feelings or having feelings expressed to them often over use the term ‘over sensitive’ to describe those of us that express our feelings frequently and really get defensive about it (again, this is from my perspective so if you disagree totally fine). I have already discussed this term and how I feel about it, so I wont reiterate that to you. So does that mean that you just have to bottle up how you feel? Should you pick and chose the times to tell people? Should I conform to a majority world that isn’t comfortable with my expression of feelings?
Like I said, I struggle with this question a lot. I don’t want to cause strife where there is none. I never think simply expressing how I feel and getting it out of my brain will cause problems, but it tends to. So, do I just learn to live with keeping those feelings in most of the time? That doesn’t seem healthy.
The thing on my mind right now isn’t an end of the world or ‘deal breaker’ thing, but it is actively on my mind bumming me out. If I say it to this other person though it might cause a whole to do – which would not be my intention. Especially when this person does a lot for me already – does that mean I ignore this item and pretend it doesn’t matter? Is that something this other person has earned and that my feelings on this matter aren’t as important? It’s such a hard question.
So I am putting it out to my small but awesome readership. How much of yourself do you compromise to fit into the world around you?