…but again it’s only a feeling.
It’s true, lately I have been feeling quite invisible. BUT like I wrote it’s only a feeling. I think when I feel negative things they are mostly in my head. Are they based on actions of myself and others? Sure. Are those actions malicious on either part? Absolutely not.
I have decided I dislike the term sensitive, especially when paired with the term over. Getting excited about things is one of my favorite qualities about myself. Sometimes that comes with a swing the other way. Sometimes I overreact and let my feelings steer me. I am working on it but I honestly don’t dislike that about myself either. You always know exactly what I am thinking and feeling and I like that about me. It’s more then I can say for most the people in the world. I do understand that most of the world wont like it and that it hurts people sometimes. That is the part I am trying to fix. I will allow myself to be myself around those who understand it and love me (and whom I love) and I will practice more control around those who don’t. This will be for my benefit and theirs.
Being invisible does have some benefits. I don’t mind flying slightly below the radar. I fear I have become too good at it. A lifetime of being someone’s second may have left me without knowledge of how to be a first. Do I want to be seen? Do I want that responsibility? Is this all in my head? To quote Albus Dumbledore, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” I want to be seen by a select few for sure, but what of the others? I pop this question around my mind pretty frequently.
Sometimes being invisible is really nice and sometimes it hurts like hell. But if a few wonderful people can see me- well that’s enough for me. Thank you to those who see me. I really appreciate it. I hope you know that I see you too and I care.