Audible With Andrea…

…The last in the Bridgerton Series.

Honestly, I am glad this is my last in this series. I loved it, don’t get me wrong but I am bit a bored with it. It’s become rather predictable (and I expected Hyacinth’s book to more unpredictable given her character). I finished this book awhile back and just didn’t get around to writing this so I am a little fuzzy on the details – like her love interests name – how horrible is that of me? But I suppose that is how memorable he was. The Bridgertons seem to keep finding these woes to me members (or close to members) of the richy rich class and rescuing them from their social mediocrity. This book follows much the same story as the others. There was nothing new or exciting about it. I tire of the over described sex scenes that end in the women begging for it. Maybe I am being too harsh because I listened to them all in a row. probably should have mixed it up rather then binge the whole thing.

Am I Really Cut Out For…

…casual sex?

Warning: If you are related to me you may wanna skip this entry. My FWB and I have picked a day to meetup. We have talked about boundaries, what we like, what we don’t and laid out good ground rules. We seem fairly physically compatible (he likes to be the dominate aggressor and is adventurous – yes please. He’s incredibly honest which is what had me suggesting this FWB situation in the first place). It’s actually a really healthy arrangement…on paper. My head is going a little wacky though. My ex has made it crystal clear he has moved on from me in every sense of the phrase, but somehow it feels like a betrayal to him. I know it makes zero sense. It is clearly 100% over – I have every right to casual sex with an attractive man. Frankly, it’s exciting. But why is my anxiety running it’s ass wild in my head? Maybe I am afraid he wont think I am attractive? He clearly thinks I am – we have met in person and he wants to have sex with me so logic says that’s not it. Am I afraid I will get hurt? Maybe. I don’t want to catch the feels. But I am fresh out of feels so not an issue for now. I was on the fence until my neighbor (who I share a wall with) was having really loud sex last night and seemed to be really enjoying it and it totally turned me on. Couldn’t help it. So maybe a sex pallet cleanser is exactly what I need. A partner to explore without risk of emotional pain, but maintain a mutual respect.

Can a ‘Friends with Benefits’ Situation…

…really work?

In my mind it is like polyamory – on paper it makes sense. In practice – doesn’t always work. The dude I went on the okay date with and I are considering this option. We felt there was a really good friend level connection and have chatted a bit. I have found myself missing sex quite a bit. This guy is cute, healthy and incredibly honest so I feel I can trust him to be a pallet cleanser, no pressure way to get back in the game. It all sounds great – but what if I catch the feels? I wouldn’t put it past me. Tricky…very tricky. I can’t just go months and months without sex again. I went four years once until I found someone I wanted to try a relationship with and it sucked. I can’t do that again. So on paper seems like a good option. Has anyone out there ever had a FWB situation that was good for them? I wanna hear about it!

Feels like the final nail in the coffin of my last relationship. Maybe that is why I am reluctant. Although it’s pretty clear that’s totally over. So why hold back?

Dipping My Toes Back Into…

…the dating pool.

I went on my first first date in almost 3.5 years on Sunday. Overall it was pretty fun. We wound up hanging out for like 7 hours. I don’t know if it will go anywhere but it was a good first foray back into the dating pool (even the the pool is shallow and full of pee). I kept thinking – I wonder if he likes me (he was a little confusing with signals) and then I realized it – does it matter? It was one date why was I giving if someone I just met liked me so much thought. My mind has been pretty peaceful since that realization. I was really nervous before though – like sick to my stomach nervous. It was just so weird being on a date with someone that wasn’t him. I am glad it turned out well though. Hopefully they continue along that line. Although why do all these guys want to the predominant topic of conversation to be sex like all the time. Yeah sex it great but shit men we just started talking and you don’t even know my last name – I don’t wanna talk about kinks and fantasies and other stuff like that yet – I don’t even know you. Believe it or not we are not all dying to have your dick inside us before we’ve even met in person mmmmmk. Just talk like a normal person. That message is to dudes in general btw – my date was actually very polite – mostly.

Do You Ever Wonder How Your Exes Are…

…I do.

Today, I got to thinking what my major ex boyfriends are up to these days. At first I thought it was an odd stray whim, but then I thought a little deeper. I spent a year plus of my life with each of these people. I got to know them pretty well in the phase they were in in their lives at the time and they knew me. We had sex. I know that isn’t a huge deal but when I think about being intimate with someone and then a few years later having no clue what their life is like is kind of crazy.

*this is of my own doing. Once I am done with a man I don’t really want to sit around and watch him move on. But after time passes and disappointment fades – I would like to know what they are up to and if they are happy.

My first love and I have a few people in common so I have a good pulse that he is very happy and healthy. The others just sort of faded into the background of my life. I just find it so weird. Does anyone else wonder where their exes are now and if they are setting their own p(e)ace too? Do they wonder how I am?

Seeing the World As It Is…

…when it comes to being male or female.

I found myself saying something at work today that was meant to be a pain the ass and make someone laugh (which it did) but was dead on. I wanted to put in on paper, so to speak, and get your opinions.

“There are certain advantages to being male and female in different situations. If you can’t recognize that then you aren’t seeing the world as it truly is.”

I believe this statement to inherently true. There are definitely situations I have been in and had an advantage or disadvantage as a woman. We all know for sure there are advantages to being a man. So where do we draw the line on equality based on sex? Do you even think it’s possible? It would be pretty hard to change that I get served before most men at a bar or that I feel the need to walk at night with my keys between my fingers in case I need to defend myself. I’ve never done it, but I could cry my way out of ticket easier then a man could (although an ex boyfriend cried when we got pulled over and he didn’t get a ticket so maybe it’s a bad and stereotypical example). A guy might get a better price or less recommended services at an auto shop. This goes back to my last post about JLO and Shakira being judged more harshly for their half time show because they are women. It all sucks. What do you think?

Let’s Talk About Sex…

…and how many different kinds there are (not positions…kinds).

Before you’re having sex it’s shrouded in mystery. You have no idea the impact it can have or how many different kinds of sex and ways to have sex are out there. Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it’s complicated. You can have different types of sex with the same partner. In reflection I find it really surprising and kind of wonderful. Sex sets the p(e)ace in a relationship. I am going to talk a bit about the different types from my perspective. These aren’t universal definitions and I would love for you to add to them in the comments section. I am sure there are many I haven’t experienced yet.

Sweet sex: this is the type of sex you have with someone you’ve been with awhile. You have it when you want to feel closer to your partner. It is high on emotion.

Lust: This is exactly what is sounds like but have can happen for different reasons. Sometimes you’re just in the mood. Sometimes you realize life has just been busy and it’s been awhile so now you’re craving the other person (kinda like how you can get so busy you forget to eat then someone mentions orange chicken and you’re staving all of the sudden). It’s raw and based on pure instinct.

Makeup Sex: Everyone is familiar with this one. You had a disagreement and now that you’ve made up you want to solidify that re connection with your partner. It’s fun and reassuring to each other.

For Your Partner Sex: Sometimes you are in the mood and your partner isn’t or vice versa and you do it for them. I actually really enjoy this type because it allows you to really focus on your partner. You are paying attention to what works for them and building on it because that is where your focus is. I really enjoy focusing on him and what feels good for him – moans and good reactions from him are always fun. I find this very beneficial for both partners.

Reunion Sex: When one of you goes on vacation and comes back after a few days. This combines not having had sex for awhile with your happiness at seeing your partner again. The reminder of their touch (not that you forgot just a reminder) and the joy that you physically feel just being with them.

PCOS – P.retty C.learly O.vershadowing S.hit…

…oh what that’s wrong. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Let’s talk about it.

My impending OBGYN appointment to talk about my side effects of PCOS today got me thinking about my life with PCOS and all it’s complications in setting my own p(e)ace. At the age of 15 I developed crazy pain and wound up with a series of tests in the ER (one ended in hands in places I had never experienced – all legit just terrible). The next day and a CT scan later I found out I had PCOS and got to the to the OBGYN.

I wasn’t thrilled and it only got worse at 15. I went into the doctor and after telling them that I wasn’t sexually active three separate times they still didn’t believe me. They treated me like a liar and continued the exam. She was NOT gentle in any manor; it was rough and painful. No one told me what to expect before insert things in my body then exclaiming ‘Oh you are virgin!’

Since this fun first experience my least favorite symptoms have been hair in crazy places and weight issues. I realize this is nothing in the grand scheme of things but it’s not real fun to yoyo in weight and have random hairs pop out of my face.

Hormone swings are by far the worst. Imagine feeling off without being able to explain why. The people in your life tell you how bad you are acting but trust me it isn’t half as bad as it feels. You try to explain it but they brush it off as if it’s an excuse they don’t quite believe so you stop explaining it to people. If you can’t talk about that how do you talk about potential challenges with fertility. I am not even sure I want kids – if I do I want to adopt them – but worrying it might not be a possibility is a whole new feeling and worry about letting a future partner down potentially. I suppose it doesn’t do any good to worry but worry is a side effect.

That brings me to my latest symptom – a three week period. So I am going in today to hopefully get adjusted or find a cyst to get rid of.

I know PCOS is fairly common. If you need someone to talk to about it that will listen, I am here.