…doesn’t mean I don’t have a life and schedule too.

I have always been the social planner/glue in most situations (work, family, friends, etc). I get everyone’s schedules and try to workout what works best for everyone and come up with a plan. Then I change that plan 3 or 4 times to suit everyone else. I have since realized I didn’t really take my own schedule into account while I planned around everyone else. It made sense because I am not married nor do I have children so it is assumed I have the most flexibility. BUT I still do have a schedule and life. I know that all those things complicate life and take time – I am not heartless or unaware but sometimes I worry others are unaware of the other side. It may not seem as urgent or important as those around me but it’s my time and it matters too.

So I am stopping this practice of always being the planner – I will still take my turn but not all the time. It’s not conducive to setting my own p(e)ace because no matter how hard I try someone is always unhappy with the plan or if the plan goes off course (which isn’t in my control). Then, they are ultimately complaining to me about how this plan doesn’t work not realizing how much effort I put into making the plan in the first place. It is a bit maddening. So I think for my own p(e)ace of mind I will just go with the flow, see where the chips fall, and hope that people want to make a plan with me. If I don’t let go of that role and I can’t express this frustration/sadness because it’s selfish, then I might grow slowly crazy or resentful and I don’t want either of those things to happen.