I have health insurance again so I can resume therapy – which is the good news. Prioritizing this in my costs among the many, many costs became necessary when the my anxiety burst out of my body a few days ago.
Like most anxiety attacks, it was irrational. Anxiety can not be rationalized away in most cases (for me anyway). I series of things to stress about had just built up (not big things but felt big at that moment) and one little thing (that was mostly in my head) set off and eruption that had no where to go but out my eyeballs. Funny thing tho – I usually calm myself and eventually it passes. My dude happened to be there for this one and he just held me tight and it really helped a lot. I know there is a while science about this with your nerve endings and all and that’s true and cool but this felt like a hug for my soul. He genuinely cared that my anxiety was that bad in a way no one really has before. It was really nice to have.
I need to remember to prioritize my mental health too. A lesson I keep learning and I am sure will learn countless more times.
I have talked with you all about my issues with anxiety. This morning was a rough one. My main anxiety source is potentially and unintentionally hurting other people (particularly those I love and care for most). Well – I got it in my head that I was definitely going to unintentionally expose my dude to germs. So my anxiety took over and I cloroxed the whole house basically. I scrubbed all the pans with scalding hot water and generally freaked out. Once I had done all that, I just started crying for no other reason then I couldn’t think of another release for my anxiety. It had no other way out of my body then my eyeballs.
Very few people have seen my anxiety get this bad – I can count them on one hand. So I looked around me and I named five things I saw, four things I could touch and feel, three things I could hear, two things I could smell, and one thing I could taste to ground myself. It helped a little. It gave my mind real things to focus on rather then the things running around in my mind. I recommend trying it sometime even if you just need to feel a little more grounded.
Shout out to all my fellow anxiety ridden people and anyone dealing with all the stress in the world today. You aren’t alone friends!
How do you deal with stress and anxiety in the world today? How have you adapted your tools to social distancing and staying home?