The More I Live…

…the more I realize I don’t quite fit anywhere.

I am not sure the world knows what to do with me. I am sure most people don’t know what to do with me because I don’t check traditional boxes for how life should be lived. I was making some photo presents (I love photo presents) and looking all these families and noticing I am only an orbiting member of any of them. My nuclear family have mostly replaced me with their own (I don’t mean that negative for harsh or mean – it just is). I am a single and childless 37 year old woman and honestly I wouldn’t change it if I could. Meaning I wouldn’t change my life choices so far – my life has been awesome and full of adventure. I never wanted to get trapped within a ten mile radius of where I grew up – that was my nightmare. I realize it’s a dream for others and that’s cool. I do want to get married one day – don’t know about kids. It’s just hard when I realize I don’t really have an immediate family anymore. It’s an adjustment to be sure. All my family members have pictures up int heir houses and I am really only a visible family member in my Dad’s house photo collection. I am no where to be found elsewhere. Why should I be? I am not considered a close member of those families therefore have a very low ranking on the photo front. Logically, all makes sense. Just stings a bit when I really think about it I suppose. But that’s life – it moves on and evolves. The evolution has just put me out of everyone’s close family and on adventures. Overall, I am pretty happy with my adventurous life. I do wish I still ranked high in some books (and photos displayed) though. Oh well. C’eist la vie.

This is also why I always send a photo Holiday card of my adventures. Why should I be left out?

Another Busy Work Weekend Has Left Me…

…feeling destroyed and faking I’m fine.

This weekend was nuts. 10-13 hour days and very very crazy busy. I know people work harder and longer and I have a great job I love. I shouldn’t complain but holy shit my body is destroyed. The haul Covid makes everything so much harder. I push my mind past it while I need to (or at least I try) and when my mind comes back it feels like my body so dying. I have once again pushed it too far because I have no choice. I have to work and make money and I’m not making anyone else carry my weight. There is no long haul Covid sick leave. In my mind most people don’t even believe it’s real. If they do, they are frustrated I’m not better yet (again in my mind). I don’t wanna get fired and I really can’t afford to be fired for inability to physically perform my duties. There’s no protection for me so I will continue to slowly destroy myself and my body in order to be able to afford to be alive. I don’t know what else to do at this point so I’ll just keep swimming till I can’t.

Audible With Andrea…

…The last in the Bridgerton Series.

Honestly, I am glad this is my last in this series. I loved it, don’t get me wrong but I am bit a bored with it. It’s become rather predictable (and I expected Hyacinth’s book to more unpredictable given her character). I finished this book awhile back and just didn’t get around to writing this so I am a little fuzzy on the details – like her love interests name – how horrible is that of me? But I suppose that is how memorable he was. The Bridgertons seem to keep finding these woes to me members (or close to members) of the richy rich class and rescuing them from their social mediocrity. This book follows much the same story as the others. There was nothing new or exciting about it. I tire of the over described sex scenes that end in the women begging for it. Maybe I am being too harsh because I listened to them all in a row. probably should have mixed it up rather then binge the whole thing.

To All the Retail, Bakery, Costco, Whole Foods Employees Working This Week…

…I wish you all well and hope for kind and patient customers for you.

I picked up my pre-made Thanksgiving meal from Whole Foods this morning and it got me thinking about picking that same meal up in Orange County. Today’s experience was much better, but in 2018 I went to pick my meal up in Laguna Niguel and the poor people working this pick up system were being verbally abused. People were yelling at them and rushing them and generally just being horrible. I got to the front of the line and thanked them and told them I was in no rush and they could get all the meals for others they needed to first. I apologized for all the horrible people as well. You know who got their food first? Me. You need to be kind to people (especially people that handle your food). They don’t make enough money to deal with you being a total jerk to them for things that aren’t heir fault. They can’t help being overwhelmed by a billion lazy customers like me who don’t want to make their own dinner. It’s part of the price you pay for the convenience. Also, Whole Foods is a big store where you can shop and look at pretty pasteries while you wait. So pick up a smoothie and be kind and patient while shopping this holiday week/weekend.

Costco employees bake like 1000+ pies per day this week to keep up with demand and offer you yummy pies at an affordable price. They work hard and are probably so sick of looking at pies and smelling pies – they probably dream of pies. Be kind.

You know why you need to be kind to retail workers this weekend. It’s a rough time to work retail with all the crazy bargain hunters like myself. They are working at max capacity so just offer a thank you and a kind word. It’s free to do so and it might make their stressful day a little better.

A little kindness goes a long way folks…Just saying.

The Healthcare System Wants Me to Continue…

…living with these symptoms.

I made an appointment for a physical with someone with then my assigned GP. I got this doctor through my insurance website’s find a doctor section. I submitted my insurance card ahead of time and when I checked in for the appointment. Right before I saw a doctor for a physical and to start the process of treating my long covid symptoms, I am told that they don’t take my insurance group. AWESOME. They ask if I want to pay out of pocket for everything. Hell no. I am of course nice to these people because it’s not their fault the system is so fucked up. Since the universe clearly wants me to continue to be sick I suppose that is what I will continue to do. The GP they assigned me – I have been trying to see for a year. She is booked 3 months out, they keep cancelling my appointment and making me book another 3 months out. I will never get in to see her so I guess I am just gonna keep pushing through my pain. Awesome – can’t wait. I feel like I am strong enough and don’t need to prove it anymore. But the universe thinks I am not strong enough yet and need to remain ill. Or the American Healthcare system thinks that. Yanno, one of the two. Fucked either way.

Donate to Forgotten Angels…

…through the Salvation Army.

When I was younger, me and my Dad (my Mom sometimes too) would do a volunteer day during the Holiday Season at the Salvation Army. I was a present runner and my dad loaded the present and boxes of food into cars. It was pretty fun but also sad. Sometimes, people would come to pick up presents for their kids and turns out no one had picked them off one the trees in the mall. In that case, you would go over to the generic age bins and pick something for them (closest match to what they wanted). Then you would go pick them out an outfit. One day I saw a whole freaking box of forgotten angels! It made me so sad. Now you can donate from a wish list of gifts for these forgotten angels. You don’t even need to go shopping! You can order it online (Walmart is the only option which is my favorite but whatever it doesn’t matter). Walmart also gives a small discount on your donation/gift purchase, which is great. You can go to the Salvation Army website and pick your region (or any region) and go to their wish list and buy a few things for the forgotten angels. Here is the link for SoCal (https://socal.salvationarmy.org/southern-california/angel-tree/). I just bought a few things and got in and out for under $35 with no hassle. I hope the kid that get them enjoys what I picked out. I encourage you to help out today. I know Salvation Army isn’t everyone’s favorite – there are several places to make a similar donation. Do what you can! No $ No problem. Go volunteer for a day. I promise you will feel better for it. It’s a memory I cherish and think of every single year.

Maybe I Should Rebrand This Blog as…

…just a long term COVID complaint board.

I hate to say it but my symptoms are the #1 thing that’s happening in my life right now (aside from Marty and work). Particularly today, I feel terrible. I have mad digestive issues. I was starving, ate a bunch and paid the price. I not only feel empty but fucking terrible. Really hoping on Monday they have at least a start of a symptom management plan for me. I am expecting them to say I just have to live with it. I’ve been told that a lot of times – knee pain – live with it – don’t feel well – ride it out. Suck it up buttercup. I tried – I really tried to ride it out. I can’t take it anymore. Then it occurred to me that maybe something else entirely is wrong with me and maybe it’s fixable. Gotta see a doctor to start the process of finding out. That’s Monday. Wish me luck with the appointment and surviving until then.

Eat and Be Sick…

…or don’t eat and be a different kind of sick.

I usually try the latter option then get so hungry I lose my mind and eat a bunch and then I’m two kinds of sick. I’ve always had some digestive issues but Covid has taken it to a whole new level. It happens fast and is insanely urgent. You’d think I’d weigh less by now. On top of all that I’m fatigued and congested. I feel the congestion is t Covid related. Maybe I have a bit of a cold. I don’t know. But I feel less then okay. But I suppose that is my new normal. Gotta rest so I can put my mask on and fake it tomorrow that I’m great and feel fine (which is exhausting too). Because like all others I gotta pay bills. That’s important. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Welcome to my hell of symptom roulette. It’s a rough day.

Pushed it Too Far Yesterday…

…planting trees with long COVID.

We had our first big planting event of the season last year and it nearly killed me. It’s an incredibly physically demanding day. About half way through my fatigue really set in, but there was no choice but to continue with my very physical day. Afterwards it’s was hard to move and that is not an exaggeration in any way. My muscle not only ached but burned and felt tight all at the same time. I was also just plain exhausted. All I could do was hang out on the couch and watch TV. I went to bed at 7:30 pm and was asleep by 8:30 pm. I am slightly better today, but not by a lot. I am at least functional. Can this long COVID please just go away now? Haven’t I payed my dues? After work today, I will spend the rest of my weekend resting in attempt to survive next week. Wish me luck.

Yanno Who Gets The Shaft The Most in ‘Handmaids Tale…’

…Janine.

Spoiler warning

More on that in a bit. First a revisit of my Luke Vs. Nick. Luke has grown on me this season but I’m still wholeheartedly team Nick. I won’t say this about much in this show but damn where is my Nick. Ultimately, he puts June first no matter what it costs because he loves he. He can’t even help it. He tells his wife (who I think he does love but isn’t in love with because that spot was taken) that he tries then changed it to I tried when asked why he can’t not love June. His wife is smart to walk away knowing she deserves love like he loves June. She won’t find it in Gilead but good for her anyway. This is one of their most romantic episodes and they don’t even talk to each other! They just love each other so much that no matter how much they try they can’t not and can’t fully let each other go. Its beauty in an ugly situation.

Does that mean she doesn’t love Luke? Not at all. And why not, he’s a good man. My heart when thump for him when he told June to take care their daughter (who is Nicks daughter). He loves her no matter what, just like Hannah. He does ultimately sacrifice himself for June and Nichole (like he couldn’t do for her and Hannah). Ultimately though I think her future is entwined with Nicks. I love that Nick inquired after Luke too when he went to visit June. I think they have a mutual respect and understanding, which is nice. I also really think Nick loves Rose. It’s just not enough I suppose.

Which brings us back to poor freaking Janine. I think she is going to be the head of the revolution from within and her story is far from over, but damn that woman gets the shaft over and over again. I’m so ready for her to kick some ass.

Does anyone else think Mark is Noah’s father? Serious vibes on his end. Who else would have gotten them onto the train? also explains his empathy (and manipulation) of Nick and his missing Nichole’s life.