Anxiety Increases Chances of Long COVID…

…yep that checks out.

I saw an article today about the link between anxiety and long COVID and how having anxiety increases your chances of getting long COVID. Well at least that makes sense – in my case anyway. I suppose it’s better then them just shrugging and saying who knows. Add that to the list of problems with having anxiety. I put on the many articles about it below for you to read if you like. I ate a salad (one I have had before and know I enjoy) and it tasted like sour dirt. Seriously I could name the taste to a T. Have I eaten dirt before? Not on purpose but I would swear to you that is exactly what it tasted like. The psychological game of Russian roulette on what is going to taste okay and what will be awful (it changes all the time) is starting to get to me. I think my long COVID is kind of mild so I can’t imagine those that have it worse. It messes with your head man. I am telling you. I am absolutely spent by 3:00 pm. Exhausted, can’t think and feel mostly sick – although the sick symptoms change. Yesterday it was naseau and headache – the day before that muscle aches and fatigue. I really hope it ends soon. If I get COVID again will wipe away the long COVID. I will make that bargain if someone can prove it’s the case. This shit is horrible. For anyone who has been suffering with a chronic illness for most of their lives – I have no idea how you do it and deserve an award.

That Was A Rough Wave…

…of long COVID.

Symptoms ebb and flow. This week was a resurgence of them all. My taste went wonky again (this is a new recurring symptom). I tested several times to ensure it wasn’t just COVID again – negative. Then fatigue and muscle fatigue especially set in. Then I felt kind of better for day…which is when the GI issues set in. Couldn’t be far from a restroom yesterday. It was instant and painful GI symptoms all fucking day long. Did lose a few pounds in a day though. The feeling of being simultaneously hungry and sick is one I am ready to not have anymore. So once again with feeling – fuck you long covid, fuck you.

Some People Just Get Under Your Skin…

…and stay there.

It is a line from Sex and the City that has always just kind of stuck with me. It never really meant much to me until I met the guy that got under my skin and has stayed there. Do you think there is a reason why you just can’t let go of some people (like Carrie and Big)? Carrie and Big are never who I wanted to model my love life after but it seems to be happening that way (where is my Aiden eh?). Some people you just can’t seem to let go of and are always in your orbit…because you both make sure you are in each others orbit. BUT if you are doing that – what does that mean? There are others you let go of because it’s best for you and it’s not a huge problem. They just leave your life and you leave theirs. But the person you can’t seem to do that with….does that mean you’re meant to be with them? Does it mean you just have issue letting go? Is it codependency? I really don’t know and figuring it out is hard and confusing. If everyone in your life is telling you it’s not a good thing for you does that mean they are right? Probably. I just don’t know.

My Appetite Is Still…

…completely off from COVID.

The only things that I seem to want to eat or can stomach eating more then three bites are a hot dog with nacho cheese and a quesadilla. I know it sounds like bullshit but it’s not. I have no idea why. Also, it changes all the time. I got a chicken sandwich I love and I couldn’t even unwrap it without being totally put off my appetite. I’ll be starving, get something I’m sure I want, and two bites in my appetite is completely gone. Not even just gone, but if I eat it I’ll be sick. I will go days on minimum calories then eat everything one day and be sick (digestively) for 3 days after. I’ve tried healthy only meals and same outcome. I don’t get it. I know there are a slot of people with a lot worse long symptoms so I shouldn’t complain. It’s just not very fun. I hope it goes away soon. I really like food.

Being Upset About A Black Ariel Is…

…the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Halle Bailey will make a wonderful Ariel – her voice is amazing! She is beautiful in the teaser trailer and it looks great. Imagine what it means to have a black Ariel if you are a little girl of color. It’s probably awesome to see someone who looks like you. And who is it hurting? Why are you so upset people? Oh yeah – systemic racism…that I am sure you say doesn’t exist as you preach how crazy this whole situation is. Get a life! I will be first in line or on streaming to see Halle Bailey rock this role. Go get ’em lady!


…is a constant.

Even things you thought would never change wind up changing. This is my biggest life lesson to date. For example, when I was young I never thought my parents would get divorced and here we are. I always thought I would spend all big holidays with my family but I can’t remember the last Thanksgiving I spent with them. My mom just moved to a different city which is kind of weird. 3 years ago I really thought my dude and I were endgame but here I am on dates again. Things I was so sure of shift. That is just life I suppose – it was just an weird thing I was thinking about earlier. I suppose life would be pretty boring if everything stayed stagnant and nothing ever changed. It is just hard sometimes. Especially when those changes seem to be leaving you behind. Everyone is moving around you and seems to have forgotten you are back there somewhere – in their past. I wonder who I haven’t met yet that is a part of my future? Eventually, there will be someone in my life who doesn’t seem to be looking at me their rear view mirror or through cursory side glances. I hope so anyway. Until then I will just have to look after and love myself.

Give it 3 Months…

…is what they say about new birth control.

Three fucking months of feeling a little nauseous (or a lot), a little light headed, mood swings and overall yuck. Takes 3 months for your body to adjust to the hormones. That’s a long fucking time to feel miserable a good chunk of the time. I know I need the hormones (thanks PCOS and making too much testosterone) but shit man 3 months of this. I just started week 3. I’m not even a third of the way through this shit and I kinda wanna rip it off my body and quit. But then the PCOS side effects will kick into high gear and that’s just a different kind of miserable. Can’t win for losing here.

I heard someone say the other day (can’t recall where – radio maybe) that they can’t wait to meet themselves once they no longer have to take birth control and I felt that so hard. It does so much and fucks you up in so many ways. Yanno why women take birth control? Because men couldn’t handle this shit. Sorry guys but it’s true. Y’all have no idea.

I can’t imagine what pregnancy hormones do to you. Not sure I want too.

I wrote this awhile back – some of these symptoms are improving but boy was I upset about it at the time. I hope you enjoyed my rant hahahaha

Late to the Podcast Party…

… but I am here now!

I never really listened to podcasts until this weekend. I don’t really know why – just never did. I started with a fluff but fun one ‘Girls Next Level’ where Holly and Bridget talk about their time with Playboy. I was a HUGE fan of the Girls Next Door so this was a good start for me. I am eagerly awaiting the next episode. I have also listened to several of the iWeigh episodes with Jameela Jamil (you all know I love her). Her guests are awesome! I started with Zachary Levi’s episode discussing mental health and it was great (although it was hard to remember I wasn’t listening to Flynn Rider hahaha). Listened to Elizabeth Banks’ episode as well – she is amazing. If you have any recommendations let me know! I think I would be a good podcast host hahaha I am sure everyone thinks that. That’s how I started writing this though. So who knows. Maybe one day!

Audible with Andrea…

…Park Avenue Summer by Renee Rosen.

I enjoyed this read and trip back in time to 1965 New York City and getting glimpse of a revolution. That revolution being for women’s sexuality through Cosmopolitan Magazine. I will say one of the things I enjoyed most was the notes from the author at the end. It addresses how Helen Gurley Brown revolutionized the magazine and made it an important publication for the ‘modern’ woman, but also addresses her short comings later in life with the AIDS crisis and condoning sexual harassment in the work place as a compliment. She celebrates this person without being bling to who they are or what they have done that wasn’t so great either. She mentions who was real and who wasn’t and what was embellished for the story. Really cool insight. But HGB’s confidence and courage still shines in the book through the eyes of her secretary, Alice. I too enjoyed Alice’s narrative of following her mother’s dream of living and loving in New York City. Christopher is a great character and I really enjoy that at the end of the book they aren’t together but you learn in the epilogue that it took time and effort but they found their way to each other romantically and worked hard to stay that way. I liked Eric’s character as well and that Alice learned more about herself through their sort of relationship. I enjoyed her working hard to pursue her dreams of being a photographer and encouraged Trudy to follow her ‘happy pill’ career as well. Also, the juxtaposition of HGB’s stance compared to feminists of the time. It wasn’t a central story line and more mentioned but it got me thinking for sure which is always cool. Overall a wonderful escape to another place and time which is all I really ask from a book. It felt a lot like The Devil Wear’s Prada.

Holy Heat Wave…

…it is September Right?

I know there a lot hotter places in the country with a lot worse heat waves but holy crap it’s been hot here the last few days. I am at work in order to get some A/C (and do work – despite this writing break). It was great motivation to come into work. No apartments in San Diego have A/C (unless your richish) because generally they just aren’t required. But for the like 2-3 weeks it’s sweltering life is a bit miserable in the apartment. I am one of the lucky ones who has a couple of A/C units but that really only makes it livable on these days not exactly comfortable but not nearly as bad as it could be. Marty doesn’t want to go out hardly! So I make sure we do multiple, long early walks when the temperature doesn’t resemble hell. Otherwise it’s a no go for him. He just wont. Looks at me like ‘Mom it’s freaking gross out there and I am gonna stay in here okay?’ I can’t imagine being unhoused when it’s this miserable (ok really at all – my worst fear). There is just no relief for those poor folks.

Back to work! That is what Labor Day is all about yeah?