Life is an Adventure to Be Lived in the Moment…

…small or big – take your adventure!

I have had quite a few adventures in my life big and small. I pride myself on being adventurous. I have moved to different cities without even seeing them, went to grad school and got an apartment by myself, traveled to London, Hawaii, and Colorado.

If you follow my instagram @setmyownp.e.ace you saw my adventure to San Diego to see my mom ans hang with my dude. It was so great. I hung out with my mom, went flip flop shopping, saw my dude surf for the first time, ate good food, and had a new experience at the roof top movie. This adventure was only two days and 60 something miles away, but it was grand. Reflecting on it has reignited something in me to live for the moment and not worry so much about the future.

I haven’t been doing a good job of this prior to the trip or just after. I had my internal ultrasound scheduled and it was REALLY freaking me out. I suppose the worry of future medical bills, pain, and worry took my brain over and it spilled into other areas of my life. I do think that I did a better job of putting the breaks on allowing it to spill into other areas post adventure, but there was some small spillage. (Have to celebrate the small wins in life).

APPLYING THIS TO MY LOVE LIFE: I have been so worried about the future of my relationship with my dude that I am forgetting to enjoy the now. He was so sweet during my freak out about my health. He just held my hand, kissed me, and told me it was okay and I would be okay. I have been so worried about holding his hand forever that I am forgetting I am happy holding it right now. I think I have been looking for signs of a guarantee that this relationship will work but, that isn’t how love and relationships work. There is no guarantee – you just have to jump and know that if that jump leads to a crash, you will heal and be okay. The jump might result in flying as well. What if that happened? I want this adventure so I am going to take the opportunity as best I can. Here’s hoping we grow some wings (if you are him you get that joke) and enjoy being in the now together.

Until I see where all of my adventures lead, I am going to try to do better with enjoying the moment I am in. That really is my point of this whole blog, isn’t it? Enjoying the stage of life and love you are in! What are you enjoying right now in this moment?

Charlotte’s Experience Setting Her Own P(e)ace While…

…building a successful career, dating, finding her Harry, and learning to live without apologies.

After breaking up Mr. X, I quietly starting hanging out with another guy and kept it very much on the down low as I wanted to protect it from all the judgement from family and friends. I was not ready to answer all of the questions and defend myself as to how could I be ready to date again after ending a 3 plus year relationship. Again, I did it my own way on my own timeline. It took a few months and then I decided to tell my friends and family I was dating a new guy.

There will always be pressure from society, friends and family members asking you at each step of your life more and more questions but my best advice to you is to stay your ground, and make your own way. Don’t be a sheep and follow the masses, stand out and be yourself.

About 6 months into this new relationship, my new boyfriend and I had a talk about expectations and wants and where we saw ourselves in 5 years. Heavy questions at 6 months yes, but we were both almost into our 30s so I felt these questions were warranted. I followed my instinct and knew I could not emotionally invest anymore time into this relationship if I didn’t put it out there what I wanted in life. I told my new boyfriend that I would give this relationship 2 years at most and if before that or at that time we both don’t see this going anywhere then we can walk away. He was startled and shocked that I could put a timeline on a relationship and expected him to accept that. I told him I know for ME that I will know by 2 years if I see a long term future with the person I am dating. I was NOT shy and told him that I dated people and I KNEW what I wanted in a partner. We had our up and downs during this relationship but one thing that was for not misunderstood was MY timeline and my feelings because I did what I thought was right and put it on the line.

Fast forwarding two years, we were engaged to be married. My boyfriend has proposed on our two year dating anniversary and took me by surprise! No mention of anything at all until one evening when we were walking to dinner after a play and I look over and he was down on one knee! AHH! I said YES! Here I was over the moon happy and couldn’t believe it!

Even though I was on cloud 9 with excitement there were still some friends and family in my life saying the engagement wasn’t fast enough and you already lost two years and that I should get married ASAP if I wanted kids. Again, people love to share their opinions regardless of the occasion or event in your life.

My advice is to always be true to yourself and take a pause and enjoy moments of joy with your significant other and let your friends and family wait. We told our closest family and friends about our engagement the day but the rest could wait.

Dating and having a career is challenging but it can be done. Don’t be shy to cancel dates because of a project at work, or pushing dinner plans because you are trying to meet a deadline. If the person you are dating is truly supportive of your career they will understand. I hated rescheduling dates but I often did because of work. I didn’t think it was fair to the person I was dating to have to put up with me when I was fried from a bad day at work or let alone in a horrible mood that no amount of cosmos or food could fix. Sometimes we all need a personal mental health day to go home get chick-fil-a and watch a romantic comedy on Netflix and that is OKAY. I always felt it was better to reschedule vs go ahead with the date and end up in an argument or something because I was NOT at my best to start with.

Sometimes it’s hard to not talk about work when you are on dates but one rule I made was I allowed the first ten minutes of the date to be where we can talk about our days at work but after that no more work talk. I felt like this allowed me to truly “leave work at work” and be the true me and relax, unwind, and get to know the person across from me.

Happy and Scared…

…at the same time.

My man and I are about two weeks into our reset as we call it and we hit our first real bump. I have been so happy and a little scared the last two weeks with him, but at this moment I am mostly scared. There are two sides to every story of course and this is simply my view so take it as you will.

He wasn’t truthful with me about our time apart when directly asked, on more then one occasion. I am not so upset about what happened, I am upset he felt he couldn’t tell me the truth about it. At the same time does he have to tell me the truth about it? We weren’t together and he was free to do what he wanted.

This subject (and a few martini’s and me already being scared about my PCOS) lead to some unkind words from me. I am not proud of it and I am sorry for the way I phrased a lot of things I said, but I am not sorry I expressed my fear on the topic. I spoke up for myself and what I needed in the moment and I needed to do that. Also, he isn’t taking any responsibility for his part in this fight and realizing that him not being truthful and concealing things twice, is really what set me off. His concealing things is what lead me to not be allowed into his home. Do I want a relationship with someone whose house I can’t enter?

The big problem was I wasn’t the only one who needed something last night. He hasn’t been feeling well and he needed rest – not my fear and picking at him. I knew he wouldn’t spend the night because he needed the rest (back story – I haven’t always reacted so well to this practice in the past as it makes me feel kind of abandoned. I have worked really hard not to feel that way and meet his needs but it makes me kinda sad still). I didn’t say anything when he went to leave because I really didn’t want him to feel bad or play into an old pattern. I must have looked pretty upset though because he said I did then asked why and I told him….I didn’t word it correctly and I should have. But I think he was so worried about me playing into that old pattern that he was waiting for it and maybe reacted poorly as well because of that expectation? or just because he didn’t feel well?

So my question to you today is how do you best compromise on a way to meet each others needs in the times you both have urgent needs?

Also, I am thinking of suggesting to him that we create rules of engagement when we need to talk about something serious or ‘fight.’ For example, 1) we only discuss the topic at hand – no old arguments 2) no serious talks after alcohol etc. I think these rules will help us communicate better and not fall into old, destructive habits. Does anyone out there have anything like this in their relationship?

At the end of the night I asked him how worried I should be about this ‘fight?’ He had the perfect response I needed in that moment. He looked me in the eye and said this conversation doesn’t change anything. That is my man and even if it doesn’t end up working out that was a wonderful moment of kindness and understanding. It was exactly what I needed and only someone who knows me would have been able to give m that. Hopefully we can continue setting our p(e)ace together and making a relationship based on this understanding and kindness.

I Have to Take Chances…

…or risk missing my p(e)ace.

There is a car in my complex that has a sun shield. It is always up and every time I walk past it I think, ‘wow that’s really wrong’ and feel bad for the person who follows it’s mantra of ‘The safest risk is the one you don’t take.’ You know I want to create a safe space with no judgement but come on. I hope the person who owns it interprets it differently then I do. To never take a risk or a chance though? What kind of life is that?

Along those lines I have decided to fully jump into my latest risk and take a chance on love…again. I have written about this man before and we have been apart for about a month. A week ago today we reconnected and it’s been pretty magical (he is taking me to the Harry Potter symphony event so I thought this word appropriate) ever since. Yesterday I found myself worrying though that it wouldn’t work which is why I think I am just writing about it now. It’s a fair thing to worry about; it’s a scary risk. However, the worry was taking over my brain and making me act weird – so I am letting the worry and fear go. I am a better person for myself and for him without it.

Despite it being a scary leap to take, I have decided to jump in. Jumping in all the way is the only hope it has of working. I am going to do my best to let the fear go and enjoy the here and now of this man and this relationship. There is so much good in it and him and us together that I whole heartedly believe this relationship and time together is worth the risk.

What are you taking a chance on? I want to hear your stories.