Role Models in the Public Eye…

…Dan Levy.

I am about half way through Schitt$ Creek and have been introduced to the amazing human being that Dan Levy is. He not only costars in the show, but co-created it with his father, Eugene Levy. His sister is in it too and I love the whole family affair aspect. The jokes are hilarious and the timing is perfect. He has created a completely loveable character brought this beautiful LBGTQ character to our screens. He has given a role model for us all, but especially a group of people who needed one.

“To not have to define yourself or categorize yourself, I think, is beneficial to everyone. I think the more we can understand that people just exist and that as long as we’re doing good in this world, we don’t need to bother or worry about defining or classifying people, the sooner we’ll be in a better place.” -DL

One of my favorite moments in the show is when David and Stevie are using wine to discuss his preferences in a sexual partner.

He is open about his anxiety which is amazing. We need more people talking about and normalizing mental health. I really respect his being open and honest on this subject. Sometimes talking about your anxiety really helps! It can also cause some anxiety. It’s a weird oxymoron, but he dives in and lets us know we aren’t alone in our anxiety. Even the best of us deal with it (the best of us being Dan Levy).

He is an amazing guy and great role model. He is who he is and that’s what he gives in his writing, acting, and living life. How can you not love that? I have no idea what makes a better role model.

Hope Is Hard…

…in a lot of different ways.

I know as a human being I need hope. It provides lights at end of tunnels and reasons to keep trying. But Hope is HARD sometimes. I am up for a wonderful job that I really want but I am afraid to hope for it. I am afraid to even tell anyone about it. I have had so many interviews and so many no thank you’s. I have been so hopeful that I tell everyone about the interviews. Then I have to tell them that I didn’t get it…again. So I have only told a few people about the one that is coming up. It’s hard to let myself hope and risk another let down. But if I don’t hope why even try? So I have to hope a little. What the hell does realistic hope look like?

Hope in relationships is hard too. You work and hope and no matter what you do you have only so much control. The other person can decide at any moment they are out. Then all that hope goes away. Then its harder and harder to hope for good as you have future relationships.

Same with dating in general – especially online dating. You think you met someone nice and hope that first meeting goes well. Bad date after bad date causes that hope to diminish until you don’t even wanna try dating anymore.

I am sure there are phases of life and different ways we need hope that I don’t even know about yet!

Hope is tricky…needed and mostly good…but tricky.

Sometimes You Just Want To Go Home…

…and be safe and comfortable.

I’ve had a lot of homes over the course of my life and I’m really glad I have. But tonight, I just wanna go to the OG home, but it doesn’t exist anymore. I can go to Phoenix. I can see my home people, but not all together. Never all together and peaceful and safe again. I wish I could go there now. I wish I could get the kind of sleep I got knowing I was safe, loved, and protected. Beach when I believed with all of me that it would always be there. I don’t always miss that, but it’s been a rough night. And tonight, I miss it a lot. I wish it was still out there. I’d get in my car with Marty and drive to it. Even just for a day or two. Recharge.

HUNGRY…

…and I don’t normally use shouty capitals.

For the last 24 hours I have been VORACIOUSLY hungry. Like taking over all my judgement base animal need. I couldn’t tell you what I have eaten in this last 24 hours but I know it ranges from super unhealthy to healthy – all in search of something that will stop the hunger and nothing really has. The hunger seems less angry now but I feel like I might have put on 5 pounds. Then I remembered my period is only days away and AHA that’s the culprit. A few days from now I wont be hungry at all and it will balance out I hope. But this hunger is nuts, like hunger I can’t describe. Can’t imagine what pregnant hunger would feel like. God help the man who may knock me up!

The Way Down…

…was so much harder.

One week ago I went on the most difficult hike of my life to the top of Yosemite Falls (this will be my last post about it I swear lol). I was thinking today how much more difficult the way down was. I was good on the way up, on the way down I needed a lot of support and help. It got me thinking about how many things in life this sentiment applies to. It’s easier to hustle and move up with a clear goal, it’s harder to descend. To slip and trip because your momentum is going down. We all talk about the way up and finally reaching the top, but what about going back down? You can’t live on the top of the mountain forever. You have to start to come down so that other’s can hike up and enjoy the view and the victory. You also cheer those on who you see on their way up. There is some relief in the way down but it’s also painful and tests you in whole other ways. Maybe I am over thinking it or getting too deep – it just really got me thinking. Onto the next attempt to the top I suppose.

My First Time…

…in a movie theater since COVID started.

On the first night of the Yosemite trip, we spent the night in Fresno (cheaper and gets most of the drive outta the way). My dude and I decided to actually go to a movie – IN A MOVIE THEATER. I didn’t even care about the movie, I just wanted to sit in a theater with popcorn and peanut M&M’s. That part was everything I have been dreaming about for the past 1.5 years. The movie however was terrible. But it was also super fun to make fun of. Stupid Mortal Kombat. The game references were so forced I burst out laughing every time. FATALITY – FLAWLESS VICTORY- and my personal favorite ‘GET OVER HERE!’ hahahaha It was purely a fun night and I think we needed that. Just a night of laughing. I can’t wait for more movies! Yay vaccination!

What can’t you wait to do now that we are exiting this pandemic?

My Appetite Has Been Off…

…and it’s kind of a bummer.

All the things I loved to eat now only kind of taste okay. This has a plus side because they aren’t very good for me lol. But still I miss the enjoyment I would get from eating a nice portion of chips. I am also A LOT less hungry then I was. I don’t get that starvation feeling anymore. Again good, but I know I need to eat and I don’t really want to. Nothing sounds good, nothing tastes real good when I do eat it. Wine is still good, but even that I have one glass and I am done. I don’t know if it was the major hike or the COVID vaccination that reset my appetite. Maybe it’s just getting older. I don’t really know. Maybe it’s life giving me a gift to change my diet for the better. All of these are options, I just feel confused by it a bit. The change was sudden and all at once. Just weird. Anyone ever had that happen?

Realization About My Body…

thanks to pictures and an accomplishment.

When you go somewhere so beautiful you obviously want a ton of pictures of you there. After looking at those pictures the first day, I am ashamed to say that all I took from them was how fat I looked. For all my body positivity, it was at the forefront of my mind. Not how lucky I was to be there but how I weighed too much.

The next day that same body, that didn’t meet my standards, took my all the way up to Yosemite Falls and back. That’s amazing! My body did that. It did that in not it’s best shape. That alone was a wake up call of how much I should appreciate and love my body exactly how it is right now. That doesn’t mean I can’t change it if I want to. But it does mean it’s wonderful and amazing how it is now too.

Sorry for the back to back posts – just didn’t think the could connect as one – then I found the post below and it it did it kind of perfectly.

Bug Bites Galore…

…that took three days for me to notice lol

As the sun was setting at the last part of the Yosemite Falls hike the bugs appeared. My dude and I were trying to decide if we should stop and put on bug spray or push through to get down before the sun did. Ultimately the bugs got horrible so we stopped to put on the bug spray – thank god. He pretty much immediately noticed his bug bites. I thought dang, I am lucky I got no bites! Yesterday I started scratching the crap outta my arms and noticed about 10 bug bites. It took three days for them to itch. Maybe it was the pain in my feet and my now very dark purple bruise that distracted me from the bites, but now they itch like hell. Just more proof that I did the hike and have the war wound to show it. Also, that I learned to put the bug spray on earlier – especially during dusk.

Bruise update!

Hiked to the Top of Yosemite Falls…

…and it was mentally and physically exhausting – but I am proud I did it!

10+ miles (hiked around at the top), 8 hours, and 2,881 feet in altitude gain later my dude and I hiked to the top of Yosemite Falls! It was switch back after switch back after switch back. I kept telling myself to take it one switchback at a time. Half way up, the trail takes you pretty close to the fall and you can feel the mist from it. That was super cool. Other hikers were really nice and encouraging as well which was so nice. I felt the comradery for sure. We picked up a hiking stick along the way and named it ‘sticky’ kinda like clippy (that paperclip from the old version of word who was always offering advice lol). It was funny! We finally reached the top four hours in. We put our feet in the water running just before going over the falls. My dude went all the way in which was impressive because it was really cold.

We didn’t get too much time at the top because I knew I would be slow going down. I have a bad knee and I am carrying extra weight so it would be hard on my joints. Also, it was kind of scary! Going down the switch backs and seeing over the edge – slipping and tripping along the way. I eventually sent my mind to what I am calling ‘the void’ in our race against the sun and started moving a little faster. The way down seemed as though it would never end. People were flying down without any fear and I just couldn’t do it. I had to be steady. I was exhausted and in pain by the last mile (my poor dude – I was not pleasant I am sure). Then – I fell. I slipped and fell my hip/butt right onto a pointy rock. This is when I just started crying – not because it particularly hurt but because it all hurt and I was so done. My dude was so great and supportive and I was grateful to be doing that hike with him. We finally made it to the bottom just as the sun set (will definitely bring a flashlight from now on). Then I just couldn’t do the quarter mile back to the car and he RAN to get it and pick me up. It was the biggest act of love and I was so grateful for it.

On the way down, we saw someone looking for a girl on crutches. She said she had made it to the top – on crutches! Hole crap. I admire that girl and I hope she made it down okay. There were also people starting the hike when the sun was going down. One looked like they were camping but the others were gonna go up and come back that fast. I admire them too.

Overall – I am really proud we did that hike. It was the biggest and hardest hike I have ever done. My feet hurt so badly after it that I had to ice them and cried. I have a huge bruise on my hip/butt, some awesome photos, and a bonding experience that was priceless. However, I think it will be my last hike of that magnitude. Or at least that steep. I will also a lot more time for enjoying the hike.

Battle wound with the falls!