The Jury Is Back…

…and jury duty still pretty much sucks.

I had jury duty today and it was boring! Which in a way is a blessing because I really didn’t want to be on a jury again. I was put on a jury at the age of 20 and it was okay but very intimidating at the same time. The idea that I had a big hand in this person’s fate (in this sense) was very scary to me at that age…and this one. Not to mention it is my Saturday and I had to get up earlier and drive farther then if I had gone to work.

So I woke my ass up at 6:20 am on my Saturday, left a warm bed with a hot man, and proceeded to get ready. I was all ready with plenty of time to get there (even packed a snack) when I realize I don’t have my phone. NOOOOOOO! It is not only my main source of entertainment during jury duty but my directions to jury duty. So after 15 minutes of searching the apartment I came up empty. Then I had to resort to waking the hot man up so he can call me so I can find my freakin’ phone. At that point, I know I am going to be late but I am going to need to take the toll road to make it less late so I get to pay to go to jury duty. I make it there, I park, and I run into the courthouse to find that there a bunch of late folks so I feel less bad. So I check in and start streaming my shows using my new airpods, which were key. My phone is older so it doesn’t keep a charge longer then a couple of hours with constant use. So I plugged it into the external battery, that the hot man so thoughtfully charged for me the night before, while still keeping myself entertained because my airpods don’t need to be plugged into the normal charging port.

So they proceed to call people into interviews, etc. and my name isn’t called. We get a two hour lunch and I am wondering what to do with myself. I have been doing really well with my week of cutting calories low and suddenly there’s junk food in the cafeteria calling my name. I ate Cheetohs and grilled cheese and fries before we were dismissed. I am thankful for the dismissal before traffic got bad but it was so boring. I was going out of my mind a little bit. I know that jury duty is an important civic duty and I am willing to do so, that doesn’t make it suck any less. Man this being an adult crap is overrated.

The whole time I was in jury duty I kept flashing back to the sex and the city episode when Carrie has jury duty. “As far as I’m concerned, before 9:00 am every body’s guilty” or something along those lines. It was funny when I watched it, but seemed really true at 7:45 am being late and stuck in traffic. Have any TV moments ever directly correlated to what’s happening in your life?

A Reason To Stay…

…in bed.

I have always been the type of person that is awake the second their eyes open. I never much cared to linger in bed too much – until now. I am consistently sleeping in the same bed as someone I love and it’s so much harder to get out of bed in the morning, especially on weekends. I love just laying there next to him and being in a sleepy, cozy state. It’s warm and comforting. Also, because we work different days we don’t get a whole lot of time to linger in bed together. One of us always has to get up and go to work. So I just try to soak in as much of it as I can before I absolutely have to get up. I have pretty much given up breakfast so I can spend more time doing that. It sound kinda cookey, but it’s true. I never knew it was what I wanted but it is 🙂 So here is to staying in the warm, cozy places as long as you possibly can.

Charlotte’s Setting Her Own P(e)ace Being a Parent Over the Holidays…

…and how it’s different, but in a great way.

Holidays change when you’re a parent

Christmas 2019 marked our second Christmas with our little one. The first one was kind of a blur as I was only 3 months postpartum but family came to visit  and it was so nice to have them cook a hot meal and do laundry haha

This Christmas we decided to go back to my home state and celebrate with my family. It’s funny how things shift when you become a parent. I was the baby of the family growing up and holidays were so special. My  mom and dad would always leave a gift on my bed, we  had Christmas breakfast of bacon and eggs and crescent rolls. Mom and dad took pictures of my sister and I  opening presents and walking down the stairs while Nat King Cole Christmas cd played in the background. 

Now my mom and dad are the grandparents to my  baby and the  whole focus is making it special for her. Passing on family traditions to my kids and making memories with them too. It’s a different dynamic yes but one that is so much fun and heart warming to see and experience first hand. 

Seeing your fiends and family love your child like they love you is so beautiful . I’m not one to get overly emotional but the holidays are fun in a new light.  My husband and I still exchange gifts and cards but we also take the time to look around and spend it with family and live in the now. The older I get the more I realize how many holiday dinners i complained about or asked  to leave to watch tv or play video games are different now. Now I don’t want to miss a minute of it. 

Being parents over the holidays is like being a kid all over again. You get to run around act silly , make a mess while frosting cookies , rip open presents and sing silly songs out of key all to make your child smile and believe in the magic of Christmas. 

I’m happy to exit center stage and hand it over to my child and let them enjoy it. I’m excited to pass on traditions and also make new ones with my family all in the spirit of writing your own story and your next chapter. 

If you always hated Aunt Sally’s meatloaf on Christmas Day dinner than heck make a new tradition and make beef stew or steaks or baked ziti, don’t feel obligated to carry over ALL the traditions you grew up with. Make sure the ones you pass down to your child make you smile and remember all the fun times growing up with you family when you were a little kid. 

Put down the cell phone, sit back and enjoy your new perspective on the holidays. 

Happy 2020! 

The World Is Spinning…

…in many ways and will continue to do so – even when you wish it would stop for a second.

The cold from hell is not only still here but seems worse because it’s throwing my balance off – my literal and figurative balance. Even as I type I feel a little dizzy but just sitting and binge watching Netflix is starting to drive me nuts. I have completely lost my appetite – nothing sounds good. Yesterday I ate basically nothing which I think is contributing to the spinning/dizzy feeling. So I had a burger and my digestive system isn’t thrilled. It’s a bit worse then before I ate. My nose is all chapped up and my upper lip along with it. Additionally, I sound like a chain smoker. the 6th day of this cold with little to no relief is miserable. I know it’s a cold, everyone gets them and there’s much worse and I shouldn’t complain, but I needed to complain a little.

When I feel bad physically, it’s easier to feel bad emotionally and let the anxiety and fears get louder. It gets harder to use my tools from therapy to see reason instead of playing a round of “let’s jump to the worst possible conclusion and think that’s what’s happening.” An old habit I hate. My spinning head is creating spinning in other areas. But the fact that I can see it and write about it is good. It means I have gained clarity on myself with age or experience, which is reassuring.

The lesson here is what even though the Earth will continue spinning and your head may continue spinning due to your cold, you do have the power to stop the emotional spinning. Don’t let crappy physical feelings give you crappy emotional feelings. Stop, breathe, and examine the facts around you and search your head and heart rather then your anxiety. You control your feelings – they do not control you.

Alrighty, that is my foggy cold medicine induced wisdom of they day. Thanks for being a nice distraction when I feel craptastic for what seems like the millionth day.

First Steps Into…

…2020!

I entered 2020 the same way I left 2019 – with a cold. Most people would consider this a bad thing, and while I admit the being sick part isn’t my favorite, it came a not so bad source – my nephew lol. I couldn’t not eat the half slobbered food he offered me because he was so cute! Also, did not like it when I fake ate the food so I had to real eat it. Also, it showed me that my dude is not only willing to stay in with sick me on New Years Eve but braved the grocery store to get my a pizza and Benadryl and took care of me for the rest of the night. Is he a keeper or what?

I have worked through the cold because you can’t call out on January 1 or you look like a hungover, irresponsible asshole. So I went to work and ended up having to leave early to rest. I felt a bit better then woke up this morning feeling like almost complete crap. None the less I got up, got dressed, and went to work. I hope I don’t get anyone there sick.

I only have one goal for 2020 which is to drink more water. Although I have entered back into intermittent fasting to help drop some of the holiday/dumb food choices weight. Interestingly enough I am losing my taste for chips. I bought a big bag and after having a few I found them overwhelmingly greasy. So I am going to lean into this. I want to get a bento lunch box so I have controlled portions and a variety of things to eat. Nothing drastic or crazy to drop the weight by small and real changes I can stick to. This said, when I really want to eat the piece of cake I am going to eat it without guilt (to quote my mom). I don’t want to be a resolutionist reacting to the poor eating during the holidays and run to the gym. In fact, I am skipping RIPPED tonight because of the cold. No use hurting myself to meet an obsessive short term goal. Took time to put the weight on and will take time to take it off; until then I intend to enjoy the body I am in.

How’s your 2020 going so far?

2019.99…

…and almost 2020!

I have been thinking what to write that would be as profound as I would like it to be to close 2019 but I think instead I will write what I know about the year in my world and hope it comes out with a little depth.

Change…so much change. My dad got married, my nephew is entering the person phase rather then pure baby, got more responsibility at work, and fell in love. Some of it was great and some of it wasn’t so great. Whoever said change is the only constant is definitely correct.

2019 (in non-chronological order):

My living situation changed as my roommate moved to Denver and I got a new roomie. Still miss Stef bunches, but enjoy living with Emily as well.

Dad got married – this is only a slight change as they lived together for awhile but my family did expand.

I fell in love which wasn’t always an easy process; we sure put love through it there for awhile. I learned that relationships are work but that it’s totally worth it for the right person. I hope 2020 brings more love that is earned.

I got more responsibility at work which hasn’t been the easiest transition. But I am getting there.

My weight has changed as in I have gained about 14 lbs. That doesn’t seem huge and it’s not but it does feel not great. I am not sad about it though because I learned something – happiness does not equal skinny. I am happier right now then most of the time I was super lean. The right people wont care and will see your beauty no matter the numbers (scale or pants). While I am glad to have this lesson under my belt I think it’s time to focus on healthier eating – not my forte – but I am going to try.

I am able to set better boundaries then I was one year ago so that’s awesome. I feel less guilt in setting them which is good.

I regularly attend therapy sessions. It’s been really helpful and nice to have an unbiased 3rd party to talk with about all these changes and emotions in my life. I feel less controlled by emotions and anxieties; although certain emotions and anxieties still hold a lot of power – but it’s a work in progress.

New year – same but improving me. I am always striving for improvement of myself. If you aren’t then what’s the point right?

Resolution: drink more water and get a dog 😀

Image result for free photos 2020 new year
Here’s to another trip around the sun!

Let’s Talk About Sex…

…and how many different kinds there are (not positions…kinds).

Before you’re having sex it’s shrouded in mystery. You have no idea the impact it can have or how many different kinds of sex and ways to have sex are out there. Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it’s complicated. You can have different types of sex with the same partner. In reflection I find it really surprising and kind of wonderful. Sex sets the p(e)ace in a relationship. I am going to talk a bit about the different types from my perspective. These aren’t universal definitions and I would love for you to add to them in the comments section. I am sure there are many I haven’t experienced yet.

Sweet sex: this is the type of sex you have with someone you’ve been with awhile. You have it when you want to feel closer to your partner. It is high on emotion.

Lust: This is exactly what is sounds like but have can happen for different reasons. Sometimes you’re just in the mood. Sometimes you realize life has just been busy and it’s been awhile so now you’re craving the other person (kinda like how you can get so busy you forget to eat then someone mentions orange chicken and you’re staving all of the sudden). It’s raw and based on pure instinct.

Makeup Sex: Everyone is familiar with this one. You had a disagreement and now that you’ve made up you want to solidify that re connection with your partner. It’s fun and reassuring to each other.

For Your Partner Sex: Sometimes you are in the mood and your partner isn’t or vice versa and you do it for them. I actually really enjoy this type because it allows you to really focus on your partner. You are paying attention to what works for them and building on it because that is where your focus is. I really enjoy focusing on him and what feels good for him – moans and good reactions from him are always fun. I find this very beneficial for both partners.

Reunion Sex: When one of you goes on vacation and comes back after a few days. This combines not having had sex for awhile with your happiness at seeing your partner again. The reminder of their touch (not that you forgot just a reminder) and the joy that you physically feel just being with them.

I Met My Past Self Tonight…

…and I tried my best to save her.

Tonight was the my monthly wine party which is always a good time. My work wife and I sat at a large table. We were quickly joined by 4 other people. Two of them were a very friendly couple and the other two were also a friendly couple. As the night wore on, we discovered that the 2nd couple has only been dating three months. We were talking with the woman (her bf was getting wine) and she mentioned that it was new and she could still cut and run basically (my wording not hers). She then mentioned a meme she saw that made her laugh (it’s funny I will give her that) about a new relationship being like a shelter dog. I will mess your life up for awhile but if you can survive that I’ll love you forever. That’s when I realized she was me seven months ago! I completely had that mentality. I thought “oh this is new I can still have it end and be okay” which is completely a self defense thing. I was terrified of getting hurt, of getting what I wanted after so long and being so scared it would disappear that I had to joke about to rationalize it.

Also, I pushed my limits with my current dude. I didn’t necessarily do it on purpose but I definitely pushed my limits and his. I wanted to make sure he was going to stick around. That lead to a month break up -which I am actually really grateful for as it offered perspective into what I was doing. I got F*cking lucky that our love survived what I put it through. After listening to this woman I knew I had to say something. She was making the same mistake – pushing a good man to his limits. She might not get as lucky as I did and have her love outlast the tests. So I tried to tell her that you can only push so far before you push people away. I hope she took it to heart. I have been there and I have done that. I won’t say that no good comes from it because my dude and I worked through it but it’s definitely a high stakes gamble. I tried to pass on my lesson of don’t gamble with something you aren’t ready to part with.

Anyone else out there relate to me and past me?

Appreciating The Moment I…

…am in really helps me appreciate life and set my own p(e)ace.

I was laying in bed this morning thinking “I have to get up and go to work” which was one of my first thoughts. It hit then and there that I didn’t want to get up because I was warm and entangled in the most comfortable way with my dude. So I decided that work could wait a few more minutes so that I could soak in that wonderful moment. I could imprint on my brain and really appreciate how wonderful it was in it’s simple joy. I was truly happy in that moment, not worrying about what the work day would bring or anything – simply being present in the delicious moment I was in.

This might be my New Years Resolution. Be present in the moment more, enjoy the stage my relationships (romantic and non romantic) are in because I won’t get them back. Why am I in such a hurry to get to the next phase, next duty, next activity? I know life is life and there will always be a schedule but maybe I can slow down a little and live in the now more.

I think this could not only improve my personal happiness but my work performance. I need to be in the moment at work too. I like my work but sometimes I spend my time there with my brain in my personal life and my personal time with my brain in my work life. So being truly in the moment that I am would help all that way around.

What delicious moments have you had lately? (if you are a fan of the Office you get the delicious moment reference lol).

Ho Ho Ho…

…and away we go with Holiday fun…and expectations.

I love the holidays and the holiday season; if you could see my nail polish right now you would have no doubts. I get to see family and friends, eat good food, and look at light displays. It’s my kind of holiday. This year is especially exciting because I get to have Christmas Eve with my dude (complete with quarterly fancy brunch) and dinner with his family. I have secretly always wanted a significant other’s family to spend some holiday time with and be a part of. It’s small but I appreciate it a lot.

While I love this holidays and wouldn’t give them up for anything; they do come with certain expectations that are sometimes hard to meet. The first one I want to discuss is presents. I LOVE giving people gifts. There is nothing better then knowing you got the perfect gift and watching them open it. Unfortunately, my wallet isn’t in agreement with most of gifting plans which just sucks. I don’t want to let people down. Especially since I do 2 Christmases and I need gifts for everyone to open at each Christmas. I don’t have all the gifts I need yet and that’s a bit stressful. Trying really hard not use a credit card with the I’ll pay it off later mentality. Secondly, I am in my home town for a really short period of time this year; 4 days short (not full days on either end with travel). I have people I need and want to spend time with but zero idea how I am going to do it all…without a car….Thirdly, there are so many Christmas things I want to do that I feel like I am stressing my poor dude out hahahaha I want to see Christmas lights, and put up decorations, and watch Christmas movies, and all that jazz. The time period to do it all is SO short though, especially while keeping up my workouts, going away parties, wine parties etc. I am not complaining because I love it all, but I don’t want to stress him out or anyone else around me.

Despite some challenges of the season I am really excited to set my own p(e)ace as best I can this holiday season. What get’s done get’s done and what doesn’t doesn’t. I can’t wait to spend Christmas with my family (especially my nephew), spend Christmas Eve with my love, and do all the fun things I have planned. And of course see the new Star Wars movie – that’s a must.

How are you setting your own p(e)ace this holiday season? Also, I need ideas for presents for the dudes parents – nothing big just a token of my appreciation for raising such a great son.

Make the most of the things that mean more. : @sebandmedotcom