Sometimes I wonder…

…if I am a very selfish person.

I never really thought of myself as a selfish person (I mean who does really?) but lately I think I might be. I think of things a lot from my own perspective which I know is natural, but it sometimes clouds my view of the needs and wants of others to set their own p(e)ace. I need to start seeing that more clearly to be a better person. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think I am a bad person – I just think this is an area I want to improve.

This can be hard for an impulsive person like myself; we want to naturally react of instinct and emotion. Breaking that habit is really hard. I have made some progress but have a ways to go on that front.

Maybe it’s the time of year that has me examining my more selfish actions. Maybe their time has just come to be revised. I am not entirely sure but I hope I am up to the challenge. I pride myself on being a good friend and most of that is being unselfish and looking our for others before yourself. I think I have been looking out for myself a lot lately and it’s time to look out for others more.

Do you have any inspiring stories about putting others needs in front of your own?

Just When I Thought I Was Done…

…learning from Disney movies they make a cute Christmas movie for Disney Plus.

It’s a beautiful rainy morning in Southern California and I was watching ‘Noelle’ on Disney Plus (after a wonderful morning snuggling with my dude- he had gone to work at this point). Aside from being cute and set mostly in Phoenix, AZ (really enjoyed the references to home), it really taught me something. At the end of the movie Noel said to her another character “traditions change.” She is speaking to her friend who is a divorced dad who is debating spending Christmas with his son, ex wife, and her new husband. He feels like he wont fit in or it will be awkward. She tells him that traditions change and that can be scary but it can also be great. It hit me in my feels hahahaha. Traditions change and that’s okay. They have to change with growth and change in a family or friends or circumstances and that’s okay.

Last year on Christmas night I wound up spending the night with my dad and step mom and her family. I cried all the drive over to my dad’s house. Not because I don’t like my step mom or her family, I do. I was crying because that seemed like an official end to my old traditions when I was little. It had been years since my parents got divorced but it hit me in that moment. This holiday Disney movie brought me back to that moment and hit home. Traditions change and that’s okay. The new traditions can be great too (especially when your step mom makes the most delicious homemade jam and gives you some to take home).

Like getting a real Christmas tree with my dude. It was the best anniversary present ever. It’s a lovely gesture of our first real Christmas together (officially). It isn’t decorated yet but it was still so nice to wake up to this morning. I love it! So here’s to holding old traditions close to the heart and embracing the new ones.

I’m in Love…

…and I don’t care who knows it! (can you name that Christmas movie?)

I am taking a little inspiration from Buddy the Elf today and telling you that my dude and I are officially in love! I have been shy about writing about it for awhile. I think I was afraid if I did it might go away or if it ends then I will look stupid…but that’s kinda stupid so here I am writing about it.

As our anniversary approaches I have been thinking about how happy I am to be with my dude. The other day he ordered my khaki pants so I wouldn’t be cold at work on weekends. If that’s isn’t love I don’t know what is. He is always doing little sweet things to take care of me because that’s what love is…taking care of each other as best you can. We officially said “I love you” not too long ago. I think we’ve known for awhile but verbalizing it makes it super official. Being around him makes me feel calmer and more excited all at once. I can’t wait to spend our first Christmas officially together (even if I totally caved and already gave him his present). He reminds me it’s okay to set my own p(e)ace.

So why was I so afraid to write it down and put it out into the universe? Sure, it might not workout – but what if it does? So I am choosing to share my happiness now and work to ensure to lasts. It’s the season of love after all! Share the joy.

Don’t forget to start your advent calendars today.

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It Was the Last Thanksgiving with…

…my family as a unit and I wish someone would have told me.

Thanksgiving is getting near and I have some wonderful plans with my family and friends. I get to go home to Phoenix. It’s going to rain in the desert so I get that wonderful creosote smell. A lot of people have planned a lot of their time in my family to spend the holiday together in shifts. I am thankful for it all, but I can’t help but miss when there was one Thanksgiving dinner with my whole family. I wish someone had told me to savor that last one with the family all together and really soak it in (also the last one that Kellogs made stuffing for but that’s another story).

My last Thanksgiving with my family in tact was when I was 25 (almost a decade ago). I really wish I had known so I could really remember it and soak it in because I don’t. It seems so significant now and didn’t then. I am not saying I don’t enjoy what I have now or that it doesn’t work – I just miss that. Sitting together in the same day in the same meal. I miss not having to plan to equally split my time and arrange several meals. I understand it’s my reality and I don’t even mind it – just miss the original way today.

Is there a time you wish someone would have told you would have been your last time doing something?

Being Single and Childless…

…doesn’t mean I don’t have a life and schedule too.

I have always been the social planner/glue in most situations (work, family, friends, etc). I get everyone’s schedules and try to workout what works best for everyone and come up with a plan. Then I change that plan 3 or 4 times to suit everyone else. I have since realized I didn’t really take my own schedule into account while I planned around everyone else. It made sense because I am not married nor do I have children so it is assumed I have the most flexibility. BUT I still do have a schedule and life. I know that all those things complicate life and take time – I am not heartless or unaware but sometimes I worry others are unaware of the other side. It may not seem as urgent or important as those around me but it’s my time and it matters too.

So I am stopping this practice of always being the planner – I will still take my turn but not all the time. It’s not conducive to setting my own p(e)ace because no matter how hard I try someone is always unhappy with the plan or if the plan goes off course (which isn’t in my control). Then, they are ultimately complaining to me about how this plan doesn’t work not realizing how much effort I put into making the plan in the first place. It is a bit maddening. So I think for my own p(e)ace of mind I will just go with the flow, see where the chips fall, and hope that people want to make a plan with me. If I don’t let go of that role and I can’t express this frustration/sadness because it’s selfish, then I might grow slowly crazy or resentful and I don’t want either of those things to happen.

Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters.

What Energizes Me…

…to keep setting my own p(e)ace.

Life wears everyone down a bit sometimes so I go to thinking about what recharges my batteries on life. When I started really thinking about it I realized it’s pretty small things.

Wine – I am serious. A really good glass of wine can make my whole day better. I am not talking about getting drunker here, I am talking about unwinding with a tasty glass of wine and letting a little warmth wash over you. Most winemakers put a lot of work and care into what they do and I think that makes a difference.
Exercise – to forget your troubles. My brain moves into a different and less busy space when I workout it. Everything else fades away and shuts off. I have never found anything that does this quite as well as exercise.
People- yep ya read that right. People can one of the big things that drains me in a customer service industry but they also restore you. Friends, family, and interesting strangers all offer new and different motivation everyday.
Goals – little ones. Reaching small goals I have set for myself – like paying off my car or saving for a Christmas present or any small goal really. Reaching a small goal fuels me to the next. Drops in the goal bucket add up quick.
Positive Action- help others. Almost nothing makes me feel quite as good as doing something nice for someone. Could be anyone. I donate blood if I am feeling like I need to contribute something good for the universe. I enjoy getting people little presents or doing surprise favors. Just gives me new life.

What energizes you?

It is week number one of me sharing my Ten Tips for Thriving Not Just Surviving When You're Single Longer Than Expected. And this weeks tip is "Find What Energizes You and Pursue it PASSIONATELY"! • One of the greatest challenges I’ve found in my singleness, is to find what I’m passionate about, other than getting married. I played sports when I was younger, and was involved in different clubs and groups, but I can’t say that any of them were the reason I got out of bed in the morning. • As a

Love is Not Finite…

…is something my brother says that I have been thinking about lately.

I have always been sensitive to the feeling of being left out or left behind (as you know by now if you have been reading this). Nothing has given me this feeling more then my family splitting apart and growing new branches apart. It gives me the distinct feeling that I am being replaced and the only one who misses the family unit that no longer exists as a unit. I know this is life and how it goes – people grow and changes happen – but when you are the only one who seems on the outside of this growth.

When I talk to my brother about it he says “Love is not finite. There isn’t a limited amount of love a person can give.”

I think that’s true – love is not finite but time and attention are. The more branches you add the less time you have to go out on each limb. So, where you put your time and attention is very important and says a lot about the strongest branches. The strongest branches will survive life’s storms.

I hope that wasn’t too cliche or douchey – just what was on my mind.

Am I Enough…

…really.

I know the general thought is that you are enough being you. I do think that’s true but some days it just doesn’t feel that way. Today is one of the those days. There is no particular reason or cause I just don’t feel like I am enough in a lot of ways at the moment.

I definitely feel like I am not enough at work. I do my best and it’s all I can do but somehow it feels like it’s coming up short of other peoples expectations. That is a really shit feelings. Especially when those around me seem to be exceeding them on a regular basis. This brings me back to the comparing yourself to others isn’t a great idea when attempting to set your own p(e)ace.

I feel like I am not enough in my personal relationships either. I put effort in but is it enough? Am I good girlfriend? Am I good friend? Am I good sister? daughter? aunt? person? Today I am just worried about falling short of the mark. The kind of worry that rolls around in your brain like clothes in a dryer.

How do I set my own p(e)ace and be enough for all the aspects and people in my life? How do I give all those things and special people all I can and still have some left for myself? I am just not sure I know. I feel like I do really well concentrating on one section but then the others suffer.I set boundaries between work and life so I can have a life but then I feel like I am not doing enough. And the dryer of thoughts continue…

Maybe this is stemming from my ankle being messed up still and not being able to workout, specifically going to RIPPED. It always helps keep me sane and without it I feel a bit lost and a bit less attractive. I love getting a good sweat in and being the woman who legitimately uses her gym clothes (although I love just sitting around in them to hahaha).

I don’t particularly care for these days. It feels like I am voluntarily torturing myself but somehow can’t stop the dryer thoughts from going round and round either. My brother was always excellent at snapping me from this type of mood; but I am working on learning to do it myself. That is why I am sharing it with you. Maybe we can help each other and remind each other to be proud of the effort we put in and know it’s enough.

Does anyone else have these days?

Is an Interest in Dia de los Muertos…

…cultural appropriation or cultural appreciation?

This might a hot button issue so if it is I invite you to read with an open mind or just skip it.

Since learning about Dia de los Muerots many years ago I have always had an interest in the subject. I truly appreciate the view on death and how your loved ones can return in a spiritual way. It is a healthy, positive, and productive way to channel grief and feel more connected to those you’ve lost.

I think Dia de los Muertos Altars are some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen for so many reasons. They tell you so much about the deceased and how much they mean to their living relatives. I love that there are items that are on every altar with a meaning. I think it is a wonderful way to put your grief into action and to keep those you love connected to you. It is so much healthier then so many other ways we grieve.

However, the past few years I have felt really guilty over my love of this piece of a culture other then mine. I feel like it’s cultural appropriation and I completely see the point of those who say that but does that mean I can’t feel connected to the practice? I don’t actively practice it, I like to appreciate it and learn about it. Is that not okay because it isn’t my culture? My aim is not offend anyone but rather to pose the question.

This is Halloween…

…and why it’s so important to me.

If you know me you know I love Halloween and it is probably my favorite holiday season. I always jokingly say “It’s a day based on candy and pretend so what’s not to love?” That is super true but I love it for a lot of reasons. It’s no secret I like to have a little magic and imagination in my life (thus my love of all things Harry Potter). I grew up in a house where is was not only okay to have some magic in your life but encouraged. I dressed up and played pretend and made up stories. Getting lost in a book was a great day when I got to visit another world. Halloween is all about having a little magic in your life (I am not so much into the super scary side but appreciate those who are). The movies, books, and characters I love all come to life in one way or another on Halloween. It’s so fun to see everyone so light and happy and excited just to have fun. There is no pressure of gifts or obligations like other holidays. It’s there simply for fun.

You really get to see people’s creativity shine as well. Costumes can be beautiful, horrifying, bloody, or punny and I LOVE them all. I enjoy people seeing people express their interests and sense of humor through their costume. It’s a great way to see a different side of people who you don’t know super well.

Even people who don’t like Halloween are great because they aren’t super vocal or a bummer about it; they just go on with their day like normal. No one says ‘don’t say Happy Halloween’ and you are encourage to politically incorrect.

It’s a day full of fun, magic, and healthy escapism. Simply put, I love Halloween. What is your favorite holiday?

These 70 Free Halloween Printables Are THE BEST! I love all the different designs you can choose from. These artists are so generous!