A lesson I learn over and over but especially when I send out volunteer satisfaction surveys. Nothing like being ripped apart after a long hard year of work. It’s always sad to read all things people you like, respect and work so hard for don’t like about you and the job you are doing. I am trying really hard I swear. I know I shouldn’t take it so personally but damn man. All I can do is try to apply some changes to make those folks happier. But I need to remember I will NEVER make everyone happy no matter how hard I try. Gotta take a lesson from Elsa and let it go. Alrighty – gonna go eat my feelings now.
This was my quick fluff listen before I dive into the world of A Court of Thorns and Roses. I also hadn’t realized that she wrote a book after Down theRabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny. I never missed an episode of The Girls Next Door and I listen to Holly and Bridget’s Podcast Girls Next Level. I read her first book as opposed to listen and maybe that is where my disconnect is coming in. I really enjoy the podcast – maybe Holly is more off the cuff. Her narration sounded to ‘Peep Show’ aka like she was reading a fairy tale instead of relating her life’s experiences. I found it a bit inauthentic. I did enjoy her goings on and her addressing mental health issues and burnout. I really want a similar home to the one she describes moving into at the end of the book. It’s also extremely reassuring to know even someone of her brains and beauty has trouble dating like I do. Overall okay, but not my favorite. If you are an overall fan like me, it’s worth a shot.
…that one of the best ways to change this world is or have money.
And it kills me because I don’t have it. I went into nonprofit work to help people. Some days I don’t think I do any good. I need money to make any real difference and I will never have money working at a nonprofit. Catch 22 I suppose. It’s pretty aggravating though. How do I get money? I already work hard. So don’t give me any of that. What to do? Unknown. Continue to work hard in my nonprofit and try to make change and create good that way until a solution to the other problem comes to me.
I don’t know why but the downer of the holidays being over is hitting me hard today. Probably because we are taking down decorations and I hit the day where I tossed all the Christmas cards. Then I started thinking about Spring. I know everyone loves Spring and Summer but I’m not a huge fan. I think March is quite possibly the worst month of the year. I live for September to now. It’s just the best. And I’m having a bit of a down coming off knowing my favorite time of year doesn’t start for a very long time. It’s just kind of sad. Oh well. Who knows what this year will bring? Good things I hope.
On December 26 my brother and I went to get coffee at Dutch Bros and it was just us two. It was only like 10 minutes but it was really, really nice and I am grateful for that ten minutes. He has his own family now and a new close extended family so it’s nice to have some time with him. I am grateful for what he can spare for me. Sorry so short – just what I was thinking about at this moment and there isn’t much more to it then simple gratitude.
For Black Friday I made a thank you post to retail workers. Now I want to thanks all USPS, Amazon drivers, FedEx, DHL and every other shipping company in existence. Thank you for bringing all my Christmas Cards that bring me so much comfort and joy. Thank you for making sure folks have as many presents and holiday greetings as possible by Christmas and any presents that come after will simply extend the holiday season. Thank you for working long and hard hours to deliver Christmas and all other holidays to people all over the world. Thank you for putting up with the less then kind people who are upset and stressed about presents arriving. Thanks for being awesome! Please know that you are seen an appreciated.
I have had a crush on Zachary Levi for some time (rooting for Benjamin on Marvelous Mrs. Maisel). So when I saw he had come on Jameela Jamil’s podcast I weigh, I naturally hit play super fast. He was on to talk about his new book, Radical Love and his journey and experiences with struggling mental health. I am all about being open about my struggles with anxiety and really enjoyed his take on the podcast. I also really enjoy his voice (hello Flynn Ryder), so that never hurts. Luckily for me he narrated his book for audible. A lot of what he had to say resonated with me (outside of religion – not my bag). Especially the recurring theme of you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself, understand yourself. We should be open and honest and talking about all this. He sets a great precedent in being so open. While he does talk about the people in his life (parents, exes etc) he does it respectfully. There is no other way to tell his story then to include them. He does try to see their experiences through the lenses of their traumas. It’s not a tell all fashion because that isn’t his goal. I respected that a lot. I totally recommend. We are all moving through life, wading through our inherited generational trauma doing the best we can. We aren’t alone. And if I am going to be anyone’s company, I will always chose this handsome fellow.
In the midst of listening to Zachary Levi’s Radical Love, he talked about the Enneagram Test. So I went online and took it. Type 2 came up as my dominant type. Gotta say it’s pretty spot on. Read on and see for yourself. Don’t know exaclty how it’s going to help me yet – but it’s interesting.
…that’s I’m a bad person who is offending everyone and just don’t know it.
I’m pretty consistently worried I’m a bad person who goes around unknowingly making other people feel bad or that I’m somehow being offensive or something. I don’t ever want to make anyone feel that way but I’m also not ignorant enough to think I don’t make mistakes. I’m white and have never been a minority so I can’t really say what racism is to someone else. That’s drives me crazy because I don’t want to offend anyone and I try to be as educated and up to date as I can but I just worry most of the time. So I torture myself about the wrong things I say or convince myself I’ve said something wrong that I don’t remember and hurt someone. Then I play out all the possibilities of how I could apologize or get sued or some scenario I’ve made up in my brain. Isn’t anxiety fun y’all? I wish I could just live and wait for problems to occur before I torture myself about being a horrible ignorant jerk.
…The Seven Husabands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid
This one took my awhile to get through. I am not entirely sure why. I am also not quite sure if I liked it or not. It was definitely an interesting view of Hollywood past and what it was to be a man in Hollywood versus a woman. What are you willing to do to achieve your dreams? Well, Evelyn Hugo was willing to do whatever it took. I admire that and it makes me a bit sad. For most the book she says she only got her success because she is a ‘bombshell’ but also spend a lot of her time trying to prove her talent too. Her talent is in her drive to succeed and she did in all areas of her life for the time her character lived in. She did the best she could with the cards she was dealt which is really all we can do. It was a bit predictable and you all know how I hate the obvious breast cancer death story line. Wasn’t entirely my cup of tea but didn’t hate it either. The narrator was also very good.
Set My Own P(e)ace 