…of a late night anxiety spiral.
Had a small anxiety spiral last night – mostly about work. It wasn’t my worst by far but did prevent sleep until roughly 2:00 am. I usually write these posts in the middle of the spiral so you get an idea of what that spiral feels like. I realized I have never talked about the aftermath of an anxiety spiral. I am tired – my body and my mind. My body is tired from lack of sleep and the physical response to my anxiety. It’s draining. This is on top of always being tired from long COVID so it’s super extra special fun. I have had 3 cups of coffee and it isn’t helping. I will have to jack myself up on so much caffeine that I will need an alcoholic beverage when I get home to bring my system back down. But I have to make it through my work day so I don’t really see any other choice to work and get a decent amount of work done. So I will continue to live my life in legal chemicals. And hope my body holds out. I know my anxiety will never ‘go away’ but I am coming up on a year since I got COVID. This long COVID hell has to end soon right?
…to workout on a day I REALLY don’t feel like it.
I had a relapse with the scale and it has not been fun. This quarantine has definitely affected my weight, despite working out 5-6 days a week. Maybe it’s the lack of my very physical job but mostly I think it’s not great eating combined with higher alcohol intake. Either way that number was not awesome. I know better then to let the number on the scale be my workout motivation (because it’s shitty motivation and makes you feel shitty). Letting that be my motivation crashed my want to workout.
So now I am trying to pump myself back up for RIPPED at 5:00 pm. I am going to list all the good reasons I workout. It makes me feel motivated in all areas of my life. Working out makes me feel good. Working out helps quell my anxiety. Doing online workouts with a community during this quarantine is nice – I feel less alone. These are the reasons I am getting my booty up, putting on my cute workout clothes, and doing this workout.
Then I am heading over to perform a seduction because damnit I am beautiful and wonderful at any weight –> and I know a wonderful man who thinks I am too 😉