I have moved a fair amount in my life from on job to another for a new adventure. I like to try out new things and places. I always said I would move until somewhere felt like home and no where has yet. I am 36. Most people my age have mortgages and spouses and kids. I am not saying I want those things, I just think I am outside the norm. When I compare myself to that sometimes I feel bad. What I do have is a life full of adventure. My worst fear was never trying anything new and always living within 20 minutes of where I grew up. It’s cool for those who want that, but I personally can’t imagine it. It’s so limiting on your life experience. I wonder if I will ever not have the urge to wander and move. Maybe never. But I am not upset about that. It is simply who I am. Maybe I was nomadic in a prior life hahaha.
…this is a little late (about 3 weeks) but I got a dream job!
I don’t know why I took so long to write about it – maybe I thought I would jinx it. But it is very real so here it goes. I got a job in Balboa Park working with volunteers. My office is in the middle of Balboa Park and I get to help people help people! It’s awesome. Great benefits and a wonderful team of folks to work with. I moved to San Diego and I love my little apartment and it’s close to work! I am getting over my anxiety of driving around Balboa Park and San Diego slowly but surely. The only downside is my dude is still on Orange County and I miss him.
I worked for this and somehow I got it. I got in my top choices of work places. It still doesn’t feel real. How did I get this dream. So cool.
Now it’s time to pedal to the metal and prove they made an excellent choice in hiring me. It is just a little scary – who gets their dream? I don’t wanna mess it up. I will do my best and that’s all I can give and I think it will be good.
Dang man, I got here. Now time to prove my salt – it’ll be fun!
I got called into work last night and worked until 10:00 pm, then had an hour drive home. So I got home around 11:00 pm but had to eat, brush my teeth, and calm down. So I am in my bed at 12:00 pm. I have to be up at 3:45 am to leave my house by 4:30 am to be at work by 5:45 am. At best, that is just shy of four hours of sleep. I started down the mental road of I have to fall asleep ASAP because I only have 3 hours and 45 minutes to sleep and so it went until about 1:00 am which put me under three hours of sleep. Then I drove and hour for my first job and after that went to my second job. I am so tired and as young as I feel in my head, I am definitely older then that. I need more sleep! Is anyone else a terrible napper? I wake up wondering what century I am in. I know I should nap, but it feels risky. Maybe if I just lay down and rest a bit. All I can think is DAMN I thought I was past the point in my life where I worked two jobs and had shifts everyday. In grad school, I had full time school, a part time internship, a part time job, and a relationship. I have no idea how I made all that work. My goodness. I suppose the conclusion here is I am old and sleepy. I have enjoyed this flashback to being young with two jobs, but I think I am ready for on full time one again.
I am picking this up from the second interview/date point. Things on your first meeting went well. Your optimistic, but not so invested your nervous yet. Then they call for a second interview or a date. Nerves start to set it in. They’re interested, your interested. Your brain starts thinking of all the possibilities of where this could go. It starts from an excited place of all the great things that might be happening; you get the job and it’s great or you’ve met someone who you really like and start seeing me he future relationship in best terms. Then you realize your getting ahead of yourself and try to reign it in. This works but then you start thinking of all the ways it could go south. What if the second interview/date doesn’t go well and your hope sinks like the Titanic. Suffice it say you’re fairly nervous and psyched out by the second interview/date. You sound nervous at first, but then you calm down and start being yourself. It goes well. You feel good and hopeful again. But now your just waiting, checking your texts/email all the time waiting for an indication that they are on the same page you are. Then you start analyzing the by they might not be or how you might have misread how well it went. Do you tell people about the exciting potential opportunity? But if you do that and it doesn’t work out, then you have to tell everyone you weren’t chosen. I haven’t told a lot of people about this job interview for that reason (I have told some who helped me prepare, and you all). I don’t want to show them my disappointment of it doesn’t work out. Anyone else struggle with that? That’s my stage right now with the job I really want. Waiting, checking my email a bunch of times a day. It’s a very similar process to dating. Amazingly similar. Do you think that’s a coincidence or just a result of human nature? That we do important things in a similar way? I’ve definitely been on first dates that felt like interviews.
I am having a rough time lately and I don’t want to burden anyone with it. We all have our stuff right? I feel like this is a safe place to write about it and get it out of brain.
I have applied to so many jobs. SO many. I have had 2 interviews and no job offers. I know it’s a tough job market (especially for my field) but man it’s hard to try and try and keeping hitting walls. At the job I kind of have not (that I loved), I have so few hours that I barely work there. My program is essentially cut and it hurts really badly. I (and many others) worked so hard to build it and it’s all just gone. It’s a type of pain I can’t really describe. That probably sounds dramatic, but that’s how it feels. So I get shot down looking for other jobs and at my current one. That’s a lot of getting shot down. I will keep trying at both things no matter what, but it’s getting harder and harder.
I am out of unemployment benefits and I am really facing being homeless in two months. If you have read my previous entries, you know it’s top 3 of my worst fears. I have 2 months of rent left to be able to pay with what I have saved and that is scary AF. I worry and have anxiety everyday. I don’t sleep well anymore because I am constantly thinking about it.
I don’t feel like I can really talk about this with anyone around me. I worry they all will feel I have a hidden agenda of asking for money. I have tried so hard not to ask anyone for money and have only done so when it was dire need. So I just internalize all of this and feel myself shrink a little more everyday. I scheduled another blood donation appointment so I can get a $5 amazon gift card. It’s good that is also helps folks but I was gonna take a little break from donating blood because I can still see the hole in my arm from donating months ago, but I need that $5 socked away for any little thing I need but can’t afford, like deodorant, that might come up.
I know I am not alone in this worry and I know a lot of people go through it, especially during the pandemic. That helps a little but it’s horrible. I am going to work out and hope that helps my current mind set. I am trying to keep my positive attitude, but some days that is really hard to do.
Women face a lot of pressure from
family and friends in all stages of life sadly. I was always told to get
married before you’re an old maid, or have kids before you are too old, and
well you should quit your job and stay home with your baby. I didn’t do what
was expected but I did what was best for me and my family.
I didn’t quit my job even though
many thought I would after my baby was born. I went back to work and plan on
working my 30 years until retirement. Friends and fellow mom’s kept telling me that
I might change my mind once I’m home with baby or when I have to send the baby
to daycare. They kept telling me “how could you allow a stranger to raise your
child?” I would always pause and think about this and even started to doubt
myself four months after my baby was born. I thought was I not a good mom
because I didn’t want to stay at home with my child 24/7?
After getting back into a healthy
workout routine, I looked around one day and said no, I KNOW I’m doing the
right thing by being a working mom. So many stay at home moms (SAHMs) keep
telling me I don’t know what it is like to be a full-time mom and it’s harder
than having a job. I just let them vent and I moved about my life. I asked one
SAHM mom once well, what is your plan once the kids are in school? Will you go
back to work? She replied no, why would I do that?
Being a mom has made me
re-evaluate my priorities in life. I
decided the top things in my life are my marriage (spouse, myself and our
health), my kid(s), my family and friends, and lastly my job (in order to have
the means to live the lifestyle we want and to travel the world).
I’m not just a mom but I am so much more, I am a wife, a daughter, a friend, an individual, an athlete, a pet mom, a cook, etc. I didn’t let starting a family define who I am and that being ONLY a mom. I don’t like that the mom community forces you to choose a side of being a SAHM or a working-mom. Why can’t we all just be called a MOM, plus so many other things? It could be written Mom+
I know my child will be stronger and well-rounded because they have two working parents. Two parents that will be able to provide for them and show them the world. If that makes us BOTH selfish parents then I guess we are and that is okay with us. Why you ask? Because we decided our OWN path.
In today’s world I don’t see the need to RUSH everything. I don’t understand why people RUSH to get engaged and are in a RUSH to have kids and a RUSH to buy a house and etc. Why not slow down and enjoy life and do it YOUR WAY and SET YOUR OWN P(E)ACE. Make your own timeline and own path and NEVER apologize for it or let alone have people tell you to settle, don’t ever SETTLE.
This is the last post I have from Charlotte, but she may agree to write more for us if you show here some love in the comments section!
Set My Own P(e)ace 