I Didn’t Know…

…that I wasn’t allowed to have my own feelings….

Whether it’s your personal life or work there is always that one person that makes you feel as though you aren’t allowed to have thoughts or feelings that don’t seem to align with their own. We were talking about the pandemic today and it was a free form discussion about it, and I mentioned that it was a little scary that mask mandates are back and just not wanting to start over with this pandemic. Then I got told all the reasons why it wont happen and how it’s different. I get that – I didn’t say it wasn’t – I said that I felt little scared. I didn’t realize I wasn’t permitted to feel a little scared. Perhaps they were just trying to make me feel better which I recognize but all it did was invalidate my feelings on the topic that I was asked to share. I offered up that sometimes you wear a mask as a placebo effect outside even though science says it’s much less likely to get COVID outside – you just do it to make others feel more secure. That was met with what felt like a hard smack to the face of what felt to me like THIS IS WHY YOU ARE STUPID AND WRONG AND YOU SHOULD SHUT UP. mmmmmmk Well, I was just offering my experiences to chat about since that’s what I thought we were doing but I will just shut my mouth and not talk anymore.

What makes me sad is just when I feel safe to voice my feelings or opinion I get smacked down. Then I remember why I keep people at a distance and don’t share that kind of stuff a lot in a lot of settings and context and just keep my mouth shut. So, back to that I suppose.

In thinking and reasoning maybe other people are just offering their opinions too. Which they are more then allowed to do. And I shouldn’t take so personally. I am just venting how I feel into this blog so I don’t lose my mind.

*Note I realize this is probably an over reaction and I am going to feel better in about ten minutes, but this is how I feel now and it’s my blog so I don’t need to censor my feelings here. Don’t like it – don’t read it.

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