…the things that everyone else wants.

Does that mean something is wrong with me? I don’t t want to work and be overworked until the day I keel over from it. I want to pack up Marty and my dude (if he wants to go)and hit the road in an RV and see everything. Everything people consider once in a lifetime things. Especially National Parks and small museum that most people wouldn’t consider worth stopping for. I want to sit and breathe in different air from different places. I want to read for fun and watch TV and not worry about my weight. I want to be able to just be me. I want to not worry that I don’t want all the things other people seem so happy with like mortgages and babies and stuff Don’t get me wrong; I am so happy that all that makes them happy. It just isn’t what I want for my life. so the question becomes how do I get to what I want? That is what I need to figure out.

…Strides Against Breast Cancer.

Strides Against Breast Cancer is once again complete. This is my 4th walk and its great every time and terrible every time. It felt a little less terrible this time though. How could such a wonderful event be terrible? Well it’s only terrible for short periods because it brings me back to my mom’s treatment. It educes tears almost immediately – seeing the folks currently fighting, those who have survived and saddest of all those who are no longer here to fight. (I am crying a bit just writing that sentence). I will do these walks for the American Cancer Society for as long as I can because they matter. The ACS did so much for my mom when she was in treatment that a little fundraising and a few tears is the least I owe them. I highly recommend it and Relay for Life. Both crazy inspiring. Doesn’t hurt that pink is my favorite color either. Marty did this walk too. It was his first as far as I know. He did great despite the crowds and long walk on little legs. It also meant a great deal to me that a lot of my coworkers turned out to walk. It’s early and cold but totally awesome and worth the effort to do it.

…to draw attention and jump on your mistakes.

Seriously. We are all human and we all fuck shit up sometimes. Can we find a nicer way to point out those mistakes or god forbid, even just LET IT GO. I swear in my line of work I say one wrong or slightly incorrect thing and it’s the end of the world. I get endless HAHA emails pointing it out. When I ask for help, point out the great things others are doing, or need to speak with someone I get no response from some folks, but the second I say anything they don’t like even a tad that’s when their communication opens up to put me down. Also, I am only one person and I can only do so much. But sure, I can be your personal human vent/garbage shoot that you’re angry at. Why not…

Ok rant over – thanks for hearing me out. It’ll pass. HAHAHAHA

…eating disorders.

I read today that eating disorders are high in people with PCOS and it rang true with me. I can completely see why. Weight is a really hard thing to control with PCOS. It makes its so much harder and require so much more effort. My dude eats well for two weeks and his stomach is flat as a board I eat well for two weeks and lose a quarter of a pound. I have contemplated crazy calorie restriction, as you all have read. So I totally get it. PCOS is pretty common and not always as easy to deal with as you think. I need to find a gyno who takes what I say seriously.