I Keep Asking Myself…

…is this weird? …will it be perceived at weird?

I really like to give people little surprises. That can be doing something nice or sending a little something. I often think to myself ‘Oh I will do this!’ and I get excited and right before I hit send or pull the trigger on whatever I stop and think “what if this is weird?’ then I usually don’t end up doing something nice for someone else because I don’t want to be seen as weird or socially awkward – AND THAT’S JUST STUPID. Doing nice things for people makes me happy and helps me set my own p(e)ace so who cares if they are weird?! Who doesn’t like to get a nice surprise? If they think it’s weird well that’s on them because it was done or sent with love and good intentions. So, the next time I go to stop myself from doing something nice for other people because it might be perceived as ‘weird’ I am just gonna do it anyway.

Speaking of people thinking I am weird…I made my dog Marty and instagram account to brag about how awesome he is and promote adopt don’t shop. Feel free to follow it @marties_parties

What is so wrong with weird anyway? At least I am not boring.

Yet Another New…

…normal.

The phrase the ‘new normal’ keeps being reinvented. I get a handle on one and it flips. I suppose this is life, but it’s on hyper drive compared to a non pandemic time. So in my new normal I work full time again (YAY!) but that’s only promised for a short time (which is okay I get it). This work is mostly from home which is new. My couch becomes uncomfortable to work at after awhile because I am hunched over my laptop. I ordered a lap desk but it only helps a little because it’s a piece of junk (I should learn that you get what you pay for). I do go in from time to time for various efforts but it’s sporadic. It’s nice to go into my office and see the animals. I have taken Marty a couple of times and he loves it. All the space and people.

A new financial normal. I have been REALLY lucky to have gotten in early on unemployment. I am so thankful for the hardworking people in that department. I got used to the process and amount. Now it is confused by this temporary full time work in a system I don’t understand. Normally, that wouldn’t be so bad and I would take the time to learn it BUT my financial future depends on it which is SCARY. I better get to studying.

Where I live. I had gotten really used to spending most of time at my dudes house. I no longer had to worry and debate where to sleep. We had a system and it worked. Now I am back to splitting my time with half my stuff at his place and half at mine. Of course when I really need something it’s at the other house. I just don’t like the debate of where to stay and why and all the other concerns that go with that. It’s draining.

Let’s see what the next ‘new normal’ looks like. Any predictions?

Knowing What are the Right Things to Say…

…and what to let go.

I am an advocate for setting your own p(e)ace and I try my best to follow that but I mostly find myself worrying about everyone else’s p(e)ace and feelings way more then my own. The trickiest part of this is knowing when to voice my feelings and when not to. Sometimes your first reaction isn’t a true reaction – it is just an overreaction by anxiety and emotion. I have gotten better at not voicing that initial gut reaction for the most part but it still slips out from time to time and I almost always regret it.

Sometimes I think about things a long time before I say them. I know they are important and I deserve to voice them but have to wait for the right setting and time. I never used to wait at all so I am pretty proud of this improvement. Even with all the thought put into timing and how I word them, they are no always received with an open heart and mind, which is hard. All I can do is say how I feel and hope whoever I am speaking to hears it and considers what I am saying with care and love.

Other times, I decide not to say anything at all, wait and see if whatever is bothering me or whatever I am feeling passes. People who know me well can tell when I am doing that I think – sometimes it gets me into more trouble because it builds up inside of me and they can see it then I blurt it all out. Sometimes it works fine and just passes, in which case it wasn’t a huge deal to start.

How do you know what to say and when in order to balance setting your own p(e)ace and taking others into consideration?

Today Is…

…International Museum Day!

You all have read about my love for museums before so this post will focus specifically on international museums I have visited and those I want to visit.

My BIG museum dream was to visit the British Museum (where almost nothing is actually British). I checked that off my bucket list in October 2018. It was amazing and illuminating. The British Museum is at the center of a lot of museum law (like repatriation) and theory and I knew it was an experience I needed. I spent a whole day wondering the museum and only saw a fraction of what is has to offer. Some rooms were super overwhelming and just put everything out on display as possible. I am personally not a fan of this as the visitor feels overwhelmed and lost in it, and I did. The Elgin Marble, Easter Island statue, and collection of nordic artifacts were highlights due to their coolness but the controversy that surrounds their placement in the British Museum.

I saw the Royal Mews, which I hadn’t intended to see at all but the friend I was traveling with wanted to see it and I am glad she did. It was cool to see the history in the carriages and get to sit in one or two. It was a glimpse into a part of life I never thought I would be a very small part of.

The Churchill War Rooms were SO COOL. SO much history from a great and interesting historical figure and time. It really relates to the quarantine we are all going through now, except we aren’t trapped underground or leading a country at war. Also, no bombs above – but the confinement definitely relates to our current situation.

Share your international museum experiences and dreams in the comments!

Is the ‘New Normal’ Good, Bad, or…

…simply different.

I keep hearing people saying our ‘new normal.’ Whether we have to get uesd to it, build it, or accept it. I wonder if it’s going to be good, bad, or just different.

It could be good. Maybe we will get to keep a little of some of the good that came out of quarantine. I would like to have less stress, more sleep, and to work on a bit of my own schedule. I have loved having weekend time with my dude to hang out and have fun not on a clock of my having to go to work EVERY weekend. I would like to continue to see families out and about spending more time on bike rides, walks, and playing sports together. I would like some of the kindness I have seen spread through the world continue. I want mindfulness of everyday heros to continue and revelry for celebrities to remain lower. Respect for essential employees like janitors, grocers, farm workers, and those of the like to remain high and remember how heavily everyone relied on them.

I could be bad. We could be trying to create this new normal too soon and have another wave of pandemic. We could be putting people at risk. The constant mask wearing makes me feel as though I am suffocating everywhere I go – claustrophobic at the least. I miss going to movies and I don’t think theaters will open any time soon. I miss my family and I miss traveling. I worry that fear will take a new form in this new normal and possibly be more accepted.

It could just be different. Will we ever get back to what was ‘normal?’ Do we want too? I am hoping it’s combination of good and just different. What do you think? What do you hope for?

Do You Like Your Pajamas…

…cute with an edge of sexy or your boyfriends shirt and panties?

It sounds silly but it is something I have been wondering a lot lately. I usually wear one of my dudes shirts or just undies but I worry that isn’t putting enough effort in. The Queer Eye guys always say to people in relationships that grooming and wardrobe is as much for your partner as yourself. And I agree that you should put some effort in for your partner to show them they are worth that effort. But his shirts are comfy! lol So I have been shopping on the cute with an edge of sexy side and DAMN they are expensive. I have a brand that I like, In Bloom, and I finally found a super cute one on sale. I am happy about this but I want one or two more but it seems like such a weird thing to spend like $50 on. Maybe I am just cheap?

When on a regular work schedule – the biggest chunk of time we spend together is in bed watching tv or hanging out. Maybe for that reason it’s worth the investment? I seriously can’t decide how important putting effort into my sleepwear is.

Wearing his tshirts to sleep in and make breakfast in is about comfort – but not the in the obvious way. When I thought of the man that would be mine and being with him, I always looked forward to wearing his tshirts to sleep in. Have I worn other guys shirts? Of course. But there is something different about my dudes shirts. It’s comfort on another level – it’s homey. It what I wanted those other shirts to be but never quite were. What’s weirder is I feel cute in them (I am sure I look less then cute but hey it’s all about how ya feel right?).

Which side do you fall on? Which side do you prefer from your partner?

This is Going to Sound Selfish…

…but I have kind of enjoyed the time this pandemic has provided me.

Don’t get me wrong – I wish all the sick folks weren’t sick and that no one had died – but I have enjoyed having some time for me and my things and for my dude. We had such different schedules that I hardly ever saw him. I sort of wondered if we would be okay if we spent this much time together but it turns out we are better then okay. We are communicating better then ever and I miss him when we are apart. The time together has made out relationship stronger somehow. I enjoyed sleeping all I wanted and feeling rested when I woke up. I enjoyed not stressing about EVERY little and big thing at work. There are so many things I have missed too with the state essentially being shut down, but it wasn’t all bad from my little corner of the world. Does anyone feel this way? Am I crazy?

I have a Whole New Type of Anxiety…

…separation anxiety.

Marty has been doing really well adjusting to his new home. The biggest challenge has been that we both have separation anxiety and I probably have it worst then he does. His other two parents are the best co dog parents one could ask for and I still have separation anxiety. I have only had this dog for a week! How do I deal with that?

I think my separation anxiety is giving him separation anxiety. I spend the night at my dudes house and he stayed home with my roommate. He was a little on edge, pacing, barking, scratching, watching the door. He didn’t do this two night ago with her and me gone. He has to be able to stay at the house by himself eventually for a few hours. Dogs are allowed at work and my roommate and my dude and I have all different schedules, but there will be times hes alone for a few hours and he needs to be okay – so do I.

We all just love him so much and he’s so cute! That makes it so easy to cave and give him all the snuggles! So dog mom out there if you have any tips let me know.

Happy National Dog Mom Day!

That Dog Shaped Hole In My Life…

…is now filled!

I know it has been awhile since I have posted but that is because I have focused on my new family member. The most adorable rescue dog in California. His name is Marty and he is six years old. He has been home for five days and is adjusting amazingly well. He has not had ONE accident in the house and seems completely potty trained. It’s amazing! He loves to cuddle. He is getting better on a leash and walks behind us less and less and explores more on his own. He has three main people in his life – me, my roommate and my dude. He loves to play fetch with his stuffed animals – he will play with a ball but prefers the stuffed animals. He free feeds which is super cool and likes treats but isn’t super food motivated. I got him a grass patch for the porch for urgent potty needs. He needs some stairs for easy bed access. He can jump up there, but doesn’t make it every time and I don’t want him to hurt himself when he doesn’t make it with his long body shape. He is a mixed breed with cutest spaniel face! He loves to be outside in the sun with his furr blowing in the wind.

This is his Fabio pose

I am all for what people want but I can’t emphasize enough that there is no puppy love like that of a rescue. Adopt don’t shop! This little guy is the best and I am so happy he has a home now with so many people who love him, and that love is returned times 100. There are so many great dogs that need homes so adopt if you can. Thank you to the Green Dog Foundation!

Despite the Baggage…

…we love.

In my search for a rescue dog I have heard the word damaged applied to them. Aren’t we all a little damaged? All the people in my life love me despite by baggage and I love them despite theirs. Not even despite it, maybe because of it. Our damage really makes us the people what we are. Even then the baggage gets smaller and smaller we all carry it for most of out lives. It makes us stronger – learning to carry our own and help people with theirs. To quote rent ‘I am looking for baggage that goes with mine.’ I found that in the love department and now I am looking for it in the puppy love department. My quest for a pup is taking shape. I will keep you all posted on my quest for my rescue dog with baggage that matches mine, ours really.