Does Everyone’s Mind Do This…

…run circles again and again torturing you over what was possibly a wrong choice.

I hope not. It’s kind of terrible. I know most people say just don’t allow your mind to do that. It’s not that easy. It would be great if it was. I cannot break the pattern of thoughts of worst case scenarios running my mind. My causing pain to others, losing all the things that make me happy. I don’t know why the anxiety comes in like a dark cloud and rains in this pattern that is not preventable or stoppable. I know of course it will stop eventually, but in the middle of if that is really hard to see through. The most exhausting part of it all isn’t even the anxiety, it’s pretending it isn’t there for all those around you. I know they don’t deserve to have what plagues my mind plague theirs, so I keep it to myself. Saying it out loud makes you seem kinda off to someone who hasn’t experienced it. That’s not so fun either. So I hide it as best I can for my sake and theirs.

If your mind doesn’t do this to you, I want you to know how lucky you are and how much I envy you. If your mind does do this to you then know I feel you and you’re not alone or crazy (even though it kind of feels like that).

I know I haven’t posted for awhile; I am sorry to make it on a rough topic. It’s just my honest life and truth in this moment.

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