…knowing how to fight.
I heard that today on a tik tok of all things and it has stuck with me. Me and my dude are terrible fighters with each other. We lose it. It goes from bad to worse to breaking up (I am actually not sure we are still in a relationship – he’s still mad at me from our last fight). If we fought better maybe everything would go better, including the good times. What worries be it’s been 3.5 years and we still haven’t figured out how to fight. I am not sure how much longer we should keep trying to figure it out. I am not trying to be dramatic but practical. If we never learn to fight it is going to be a long life together. I also just can’t take being the thing that makes him miserable anymore. I can’t take being the reason he’s so angry in the first place anymore. Just can’t. If I can’t be something positive in his life it might be better to not be in his life. When I say that I mean better for him because he wouldn’t have what he seems to consider my negative influence on his life. Again, none of this is meant to be self deprecating – it’s just what I am thinking. He’s told me I am a bad girlfriend and maybe I am. Maybe I try to support him in ways I think are effective and not ways he does. But I think he does the same. So it’s hard to see when one of us is really trying to support the other one.