The last 48 hours there has been no in between. I either don’t eat and my digestive system is okay or I eat and am running to the bathroom anywhere between 10 minutes and 1.5 hours. Urgent kind of bathroom trip. I just know it’s going to cause a hemorrhoid too. What is happening?! I had a salad and salmon for lunch and hoovered it because I hadn’t eaten in about 24 hours (small pastry in the morning – it was donated to me and delicious – couldn’t resist). And 1.5 hours later (almost thought I was in the clear), I am running for a toilet. What is wrong with my system? Something is very wrong. I feel awful and drained after that bout. But I am also really hungry. I don’t know which is worse and what to do. Be hungry or near a bathroom.
And, if I am honest, kind of good. It’s a weird combination of feelings. Where is this coming from? I decided not to go back to AZ for Thanksgiving, even though I could. There are several reasons; the long drive both ways, being an emotional sponge and sucking up all the not great emotions that go into prepping a holiday meal like Thanksgiving, splitting time, being exhausted from all the stuff before. It sounds so selfish, but I want to relax and do things on my time. I want to watch the Macy’s Day parade. I want to not worry that I am not doing enough to help out and will definitely be judged for it later. If I am home, I avoid that situation. I just get to hang with my dude who will happily work on his drone and hang out with me while I watch the parade and drink mimosas without expectation or judgement. Of course I know hosting and making dinner is it’s own set of stress and challenges, but always being the one to travel and run takes it’s toll too. I am going to take the time off to relax and hopefully not end up more tired then I started. It’s selfish, true. But I think I am going to be selfish on this one.
Its definitely sexism and no one seems to see it. If he was a less outwardly attractive woman dating outwardly hot men and people made endless memes about how not attractive she was, there would be more outcry. Why is Pete Davidson not getting the same defense?! First of all, he is not ugly. Secondly, maybe he is nice and thoughtful and fun. Why wouldn’t that be enough? Leave him alone. If he really is dating Kim Kardashian, don’t worry, he will come to his senses soon. (that was mean but she seems kind of selfish and terrible).
I went on a plane, two long car rides, and another plane in 48 hours. Took a Dramamine which helped and hurt couldn’t focus, sleepy bleh. Felt ok until about 2:00 pm when the Vertigo symptoms popped up. Please no. I cannot do another 3 week bout with Vertigo. It was terrible and I really dont want to do it again. I am really hoping that a night of lots of sleep helps. Gotta hydrate like crazy. Can’t hurt.
I don’t want my needs to be seen as so high that it’s making someones life miserable or a drain on them. I really don’t think I am actually all that needy, I just think this other person so used to funneling all of their time and energy into themselves, they’ve forgotten that having other people in your life takes some effort. I am not a wall ornament you hang up and take down when you have time to pay any attention to it. I am in fact a person who yes has some needs. I don’t think that is unreasonable. However, you reserve the right not fulfill those needs by leaving at any point. No one is making you stay bro so if it isn’t worth it just leave. I would certainly prefer that to being made to feel I am the source of all the bad things in your life. I need a break from that world of misery. It’s really hard to be an outlet for someone who is only venting misery all the time. I have tried everything and there is nothing I do that makes it better. In fact, you have made it very clear that I am a large part of that misery. Well it’s dragging me down and starting to make me miserable too. Your constant unhappiness is really affecting me. At what point do I protect myself possibly at someone else’s expense? I can’t make you make changes that will improve your life. Don’t like work – find another job. Don’t feel well physically and mentally – see some doctors who can give you the proper tools to deal with that. Don’t like how much attention I need? Then leave. Only one person can help you and that’s you. You have to take those steps – I can’t do it for you. At some point I am going to have put me first though and not get bogged down in the misery. At some point, I can’t wait for you to take steps to pull yourself out of this. That point is closer then ever. I am hanging on for dear life here, but help me out. I can’t hang on while I am made to feel like I am not welcome, wanted or worth any kind of effort. I matter too. It’s not just you anymore. If I put you first and you put you first then where the hell does that leave me? Do you want to be in that position?
I started this before Halloween and finished just after. It was an excellent choice for spooky season, but would be enjoyable any time. I really enjoyed learning more about this magical world. It wasn’t your typical ‘Magic is awesome and great’ type of story. It is more how life is lived in this world ‘You don’t believe in it you know it is real. Like we know car’s are real. That is why it works for you.’ This perspective made total sense to me. This school is a dangerous placed with little instruction or help. You also learn the value of other people from El’s perspective. She starts with no one wanting to be near her to a good core group of people to trust. She helps them and others realize some things about the nature of others and themselves as well. But the best part is the last line of the book. It literally made me say ‘interesting’ out loud. I wont spoil it for you, but it was a good listen. Also, the best narrator so far. She didn’t way over exaggerate the exciting lines or parts and everyone had a slightly different voice but not so different it sounded fake or over the top. It was a good listen and I am excited to start the next book in the series.
…and over 3 weeks until Thanksgiving and I am already seeing Christmas everywhere.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays. September – January is my absolute favorite time of year and I can’t believe how fast the first half of this time has gone. I saw my first Christmas TV commercial on Halloween night! Crazy. I am still appreciating Dia de los Muertos and coming off my Halloween high trying not to be sad that part is over and Christmas is already coming in hot. We still have Thanksgiving y’all – let’s not rush through the season. I still totally support doing what makes you happy. You wanna put up your tree- DO IT! But just let Thanksgiving have it’s time too. enjoy the build up to that and all it brings. Pumpkin season isn’t over just yet. I’m excited for peppermint mocha too, but in it’s time which for me is after Thanksgiving. It start to feel like Christmas when I see Santa at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the last bit of turkey is eaten it’s time for multiple viewings of Elf, peppermint mocha, and beautiful lights. When does it start for you?
*Holiday shopping started long ago hahahaha Gotta spread that cost bomb out a bit.
Didn’t even wait for midnight this year.This isn’t even the best one out there hahaha
I was thinking about why I love Halloween so much and 8 think its because you get to be whoever you want without judgement. No one is left out unless you choose not to be which is fine too. Candy never hurts either. other holidays come with all these expectations, but not Halloween. YOu dont have to be worried about people asking why you arent married or not meeting peoples expectations or letting them down somehow. Its pure fun and its the best. its my favorite day of the year. I love seeing everyones posts out having fun in whatever way they choose. So awesome
I was cleaning in order to get ready for Halloween movie night tomorrow, when the first huge cramps hit. They weren’t small or preliminary. They are like getting hit by a Mack Truck in your lower abdomen. You know instantly whats headed your way – up to a weeks worth of these cramps, going from starving to feeling like you’ll never be hungry again within minutes. That is not even considering worrying about leaking and if you have enough tampons. Its horrible. The world wants us to pretend its not or is a minor inconvenience when its actually kinda horrible. but we work through it month after month, pretending not to be in pain. we should be able to take a day or a few hours off to deAl with that pain. Men think that isn’t fair? Talk to me when you hemorrhage for one week out of the month. Just saying
I recently finished season 3 of ‘You’ on Netflix. Perfect for Halloween season. SPOILER ALERT – if you haven’t watched it, don’t read any further. I really enjoyed so much of the season. I thought Joe and Love made the perfect psychotic pair and team. On paper it works great but like most things didn’t turn out so in ‘real’ life. Joe justifies his crimes as ‘for the right reasons’ and so does Love, but they have very different definitions of what the ‘right reasons’ are which ultimately their undoing. I liked the secondary characters in the season as well. Theo was a good addition as was his dad. What surprised be most was really enjoying the Conrads in the end and the contrast they brought to the Goldbergs. They showed how they are actually a really strong couple, if not great people. I love that Love and Joe’s new obsession connected emotionally and she let her go. All of the cast was amazing and did and awesome job. Penn Badgely has been amazing through the series and everyone else elevated the level of acting this season. The Ending is what I was unhappy with. This cat and mouse game could have continued for awhile as Love is really Joe’s only worth opponent. What does he have to fight against now except going back to fighting against himself? Love could have had her own spin off series too. Henry definitely got the best end of the deal but I still cried when he left him. Also, I would have liked them to update on Ellie’s story more. Maybe they will in season 4. If he keeps sending her money after faking his own death, if he keeps sending her money she will know it’s him and he faked his own death. Will she look for him with questions? As she grows, wills he become his next obsession? We know he doesn’t stay on one woman too long.
The crazy/cool thing about the whole series if you are sad for all the characters, even they though they all do horrible things (on a scale but they all do horrible things). Still, you ache a little for them and you are sad for them. How do they do that? It kind of makes me question myself and my own moral compass. I think that is one of the goals of the show though. It’s super interesting what it brings up about myself.
Set My Own P(e)ace 