…friend or foe?
That is the question on my mind today as my life advances. Safety is good in so many ways. I’m not questioning that, I am asking if staying in your safe zone is a good idea or limiting life? If you never push yourself beyond it, is that a live really lived? I suppose that depends on who you are as a person. It’s not right or wrong either way. I’m just wondering what you think?
For me, it’s time to push out of a safe zone and live a little more. More to come on that.
…I am officially exhausted.
I know that this is a good problem to have – too many shifts. But I could cry I am so exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Done done done. Maybe I’m just getting old but this very little amount of money isn’t worth the tole it’s taking. Wow, didn’t think I’d feel this tired. Today however is a half day at least because I get to go to the dentist. Never thought I’d be happy about a dentist trip but here we are. Better days to come though. I’ll tell y’all about that soon!
…feeling inspired by all of the posts.
Yesterday was Loving Day, the anniversary of the historic court case that made interracial marriage legal. I saw so many wonderful posts from so many loving couples. It was so great to see love spreading across social media and not hate. It inspired me so much and lifted my soul. I can’t believe there was a time where interracial couples or same sex couples couldn’t marry. That seems so crazy to me and so backwards. Love is a wonderful thing and there should be more of it. It should be celebrated and lifted up, not shamed or put down. Love rarely looks like what you expect in any relationship and I love that. Keep spreading the love y’all and thank you for those who have fought, are fighting, and continue to fight for happiness and equality.
…is just not enough for a 35 year old me.
I got called into work last night and worked until 10:00 pm, then had an hour drive home. So I got home around 11:00 pm but had to eat, brush my teeth, and calm down. So I am in my bed at 12:00 pm. I have to be up at 3:45 am to leave my house by 4:30 am to be at work by 5:45 am. At best, that is just shy of four hours of sleep. I started down the mental road of I have to fall asleep ASAP because I only have 3 hours and 45 minutes to sleep and so it went until about 1:00 am which put me under three hours of sleep. Then I drove and hour for my first job and after that went to my second job. I am so tired and as young as I feel in my head, I am definitely older then that. I need more sleep! Is anyone else a terrible napper? I wake up wondering what century I am in. I know I should nap, but it feels risky. Maybe if I just lay down and rest a bit. All I can think is DAMN I thought I was past the point in my life where I worked two jobs and had shifts everyday. In grad school, I had full time school, a part time internship, a part time job, and a relationship. I have no idea how I made all that work. My goodness. I suppose the conclusion here is I am old and sleepy. I have enjoyed this flashback to being young with two jobs, but I think I am ready for on full time one again.
…is really draining.
We all have to do this very often, mostly at work. People come in and are horribly rude it’s really hard. Maybe they are having a bad day, maybe they want free stuff, maybe the just hate they way my face looks. Who knows? But it’s really hard to keep the customer service face on sometimes. When someone is so awful to you, usually for rules or prices you didn’t make, its really hard not to take it to heart or head. It’s really hard not to lose your cool. Let’s all try our hardest to try kindness to resolve issues rather then resorting to anger. Especially when taking our anger to the internet. Do we need to abuse small businesses and those work there on the internet? Is there something else we can try to resolve issues first? I am just asking society as a whole to try kindness first. I can say from personal experience, that kindness gets you so much farther in these situations then anger. Give it a shot, see what happens 🙂
…’The Midnight Library’
Just finished the ‘Midnight Library’ by Matt Haig and read By Carey Mulligan. I really enjoyed the idea that one can try out different lives. The lives can be drastically different or just a little. Big and small choices shape our lives and that is what I took from this story. How you are feeling about yourself in a moment shouldn’t define your life. There are factors and effects of our lives we may not see or even realize are happening. It’s all about your perspective. ‘Never under estimate the importance of small things.’ Never under estimate the effect of your life and the small things you do on others. How we are all woven together, even in our apartness. You have just as much effect not being in someone life as you do being in it. Your path helps set other people’s just as they help set yours. The idea of the multiverse outside of comics was also interesting. Nora being invite versions of herself but always feeling like an imposter was particularly interesting. She always felt bad for taking another Nora’s life for awhile, when really all the lives are hers. Overall, I recommend it. Thought provoking to be sure.
After all, ‘the only way to learn is to live.’
…have in common.
I am picking this up from the second interview/date point. Things on your first meeting went well. Your optimistic, but not so invested your nervous yet. Then they call for a second interview or a date. Nerves start to set it in. They’re interested, your interested. Your brain starts thinking of all the possibilities of where this could go. It starts from an excited place of all the great things that might be happening; you get the job and it’s great or you’ve met someone who you really like and start seeing me he future relationship in best terms. Then you realize your getting ahead of yourself and try to reign it in. This works but then you start thinking of all the ways it could go south. What if the second interview/date doesn’t go well and your hope sinks like the Titanic. Suffice it say you’re fairly nervous and psyched out by the second interview/date. You sound nervous at first, but then you calm down and start being yourself. It goes well. You feel good and hopeful again. But now your just waiting, checking your texts/email all the time waiting for an indication that they are on the same page you are. Then you start analyzing the by they might not be or how you might have misread how well it went. Do you tell people about the exciting potential opportunity? But if you do that and it doesn’t work out, then you have to tell everyone you weren’t chosen. I haven’t told a lot of people about this job interview for that reason (I have told some who helped me prepare, and you all). I don’t want to show them my disappointment of it doesn’t work out. Anyone else struggle with that? That’s my stage right now with the job I really want. Waiting, checking my email a bunch of times a day. It’s a very similar process to dating. Amazingly similar. Do you think that’s a coincidence or just a result of human nature? That we do important things in a similar way? I’ve definitely been on first dates that felt like interviews.
…and a renewed sense of self and power.
After writing my post today, I set off to the nail salon. I chose hot pink because pink is power. It’s my color. I LOVE them. Having this color on my nails and representing me is making me feel more self-assured and powerful as me. It’s a similar feeling to finding your sexy or happy when wearing cute underwear. I feel like I rediscovered a piece of myself that was getting lost in anxiety and self-doubt. I am putting the real me forward and it feels pretty darn good. It goes to my theory that getting my nails done isn’t frivolous and really does deserve the title of self care and is totally worth the money. I am ready to prep and do the best I can do in this interview. What make you feel powerful?
…and ruin opportunities.
I have an interview coming up for a job I REALLY want and I find myself analyzing then trying to talk myself out of the hope of getting the job lol I am psyching myself out and I have to stop. I am going to ruin the opportunity before I even try for it if I keep analyzing. I will continue to prepare to the best of my ability, but I can only do what I can do. At some point, it is out of my hands and that is okay. What is not okay is freaking myself out to the point I am a babbling idiot in the interview. Talking myself out of all hope isn’t great either, because then I might sound like I don’t want the job and I DO! I figured writing all this out might help it jump outta my brain and soothe the anxiety and psyching myself out process. Getting my nails done as a distraction/relaxation method in a bit. How do you stop yourself from psyching yourself out before a big interview?
…pretty much every long/holiday weekend.
I see you, I feel you, and I appreciate you! In my business, like so many others, I work what is many other folks holiday or long weekends. It’s fun because you see a lot of folks come in, but it stinks because you see a lot of people with friends and family having a bunch of fun and you are wishing you were with your friends and family having fun. So remember those who work to make your holiday weekends everything they can be and be kind to them.
And of course reflect on the reason for Memorial Day Weekend, remembering our brave soldiers who died working to ensure that you can have a fun long weekend.
Set My Own P(e)ace 