The Aftermath…

…of a late night anxiety spiral.

Had a small anxiety spiral last night – mostly about work. It wasn’t my worst by far but did prevent sleep until roughly 2:00 am. I usually write these posts in the middle of the spiral so you get an idea of what that spiral feels like. I realized I have never talked about the aftermath of an anxiety spiral. I am tired – my body and my mind. My body is tired from lack of sleep and the physical response to my anxiety. It’s draining. This is on top of always being tired from long COVID so it’s super extra special fun. I have had 3 cups of coffee and it isn’t helping. I will have to jack myself up on so much caffeine that I will need an alcoholic beverage when I get home to bring my system back down. But I have to make it through my work day so I don’t really see any other choice to work and get a decent amount of work done. So I will continue to live my life in legal chemicals. And hope my body holds out. I know my anxiety will never ‘go away’ but I am coming up on a year since I got COVID. This long COVID hell has to end soon right?

Just When I Think I Am On The Mend…

…holy mother loving fatigue today.

Damn you long covid. I have been starting to have more good days which made me hopeful – until now. I have muscle, body and brain fatigue today. It’s not great. It’s a bit of an effort to breathe. Not like I can’t breathe, I can just feel the effort and slight pain in every breathe in my chest muscles. I can feel where the wire in my bra is because it’s causing me pain in my sensitive muscles and skin. I just want to feel okay. I will take okay and not good. It’s hard to have a long work month and feel like this. And not knowing when it’s going to hit this bad.

How Long Can This Possibly Last…

…the stomach issues brought on by COVID.

I have no had stomach issues since April. I am no stranger to stomach issues – been most of my life. But this has turned to the most consistent, chronic issue. It will give a break every once in awhile but always seems to return. I am starving – take three bites – and nauseatingly not hungry. Like can’t put another bite in my mouth. What I do manage to get down give me digestive distress most of the time. Maybe it’s what I am eating as well – maybe it’s age. But my biggest link is COVID linger symptom. Which I am pretty sure no one can really do anything about. So I suppose just to live with it it my choice. I have small snacks – which isn’t that different then I always ate. But the starving feeling turns quickly to overwhelmingly full. It’s not the worst problem but it’s annoying.

A Fun New COVID Long Term Symptom…

…but why?

We have talked about the fatigue, which is still present. We have talked about Brain Fog – which is actually getting a little better. We talked about my taste being off – this seems to be getting worse. The new side effects are lose of appetite and diarrhea. Yeah I said. The symptom of anything that no one wants to talk about in polite society. But everybody poops right? I didn’t want to eat last night but I thought it might help with my muscle fatigue today. So I talked myself into dinner. I thought what can I have that’s is sweet (sweet is the only flavor that tastes remotely as it should) but has protein and settled on mini corn dogs. I put those in the airfyer and grabbed some chips. I slathered the mini corn dogs in honey mustard and got them down and only had a few chips (if you know me you know only having a few chips is basically impossible for me. I love chips). About an hour later felt like I had a rock in my stomach. Woke up and had a Kodiak protein waffle (love those too). It was satisfying because it didn’t taste right. I also burned it but I couldn’t taste it so who cares. I have been in digestive pain ever since. HOW am I still developing symptoms? Not like my COVID case was particularly serious – wasn’t hospitalized. I guess I am just a lucky winner of long term symptoms. On the plus side I have lost a few pounds. Always a silver lining right?

Exhausted is Now the Norm…

…of my covid life.

I wake up and I’m exhausted. I go to bed and I’m exhausted. Middle of my day and I’m exhausted. I do anything physical for more then 5 minutes and beyond exhausted. I have to sit down. So over this bullshit and I’d like it to go away soon.

I know it could be a lot worse. I’m trying to push through all this. I really am. I’m just not doing great at it. Gonna lay myself down and listen to my audio book and hope I’m a little less fatigued and exhausted tomorrow.

Wow with the Fatigue…

…leftover from the COVID.

Yesterday was Brian Fog – which is slightly better today. But the Fatigue is SUPER real today. I took the cooler over to my volunteers like .35 miles away and JESUS. I had to take a break before walking back. The simplest things just physically wear me out. I am trying my hardest to push through it and it’s just not happening. Well it is happening but real slowly. This has been your COVID lingering symptoms update for today.

COVID Brain Fog is Real…

…and ongoing.

I am still battling a cough and brain fog from having COVID. A little fatigue lingers but not as bad as it was the first 1.5 weeks. I can function with the cough well enough. The Brain Fog though – damn. Sometimes it isn’t even present and sometimes it’s a dense fog. Like right now. There is no other term for it except Brain Fog – it’s the perfect phrase for how it feel. Everything is a little misty, unfocused and far away. Which is hard when I am at work yanno doing things. I also probably sound a little stupid. Waves of brain fog. Brain Marine Layer hahaha. Here’s hoping the skies of my brain clear up soon!

The Worst Possible Timing…

…to get Covid.

Fuck. It’s the only word that I currently have to describe 1) getting Covid 2) the timing

I have been planning a volunteer appreciation dinner for months and it’s today. I tested positive for Covid last night. Damnit. I have just dumped a huge amount of work and huge event on my coworkers. This is the first big event I am in charge of and first big piece of work out new CEO was going to see from me. And now I won’t even be there. I swear sitting here not being able to help is the worst amount of stress I’ve had at my job in awhile. Not to mention I may have unknowingly exposed some of my coworkers. Craptastic. I think I am through the worst of my symptoms (thank god I’m boosted) but I’m still achey and it’s sitting in my chest. I have a pretty decent cough. Could be a lot worse tho so I’m thankful it’s not. But the guilt I have over missing this event is astronomical. I feel soooo bad about that. So if any of you are reading this post, I’m so sorry!

Role Models in the Public Eye…

…who should be our TIME Magazine person of the year – Dolly Parton.

Dolly Parton celebrates 50 years as a member of the Grand Ole Opry

Dolly Parton is the shit. There is no other way to say it.

Most recently, she donated $1,000,000 to research for the Moderna COVID vaccine. This alone qualifies her as a role model. Instead of spending it on something immature and stupid like oh I don’t know, space tourism. She doesn’t need any of that bullshit to prove she is cool. She just is!

I love her because she could not give two shits what people think about her. She wants plastic surgery -she has the right to have it and she looks great. She does what she wants and when she wants. She also seems incredibly kind and good hearted.

She founded the charity Imagination Library, which provides free books to preschoolers, in 1995. Just incase you need more examples of her philanthropy over the years check out this article.

Maybe most importantly, she supports everyone being who they are and who they were born to be. She basically just wants us all to be happy. How could that not qualify her a role model?

My First Time…

…in a movie theater since COVID started.

On the first night of the Yosemite trip, we spent the night in Fresno (cheaper and gets most of the drive outta the way). My dude and I decided to actually go to a movie – IN A MOVIE THEATER. I didn’t even care about the movie, I just wanted to sit in a theater with popcorn and peanut M&M’s. That part was everything I have been dreaming about for the past 1.5 years. The movie however was terrible. But it was also super fun to make fun of. Stupid Mortal Kombat. The game references were so forced I burst out laughing every time. FATALITY – FLAWLESS VICTORY- and my personal favorite ‘GET OVER HERE!’ hahahaha It was purely a fun night and I think we needed that. Just a night of laughing. I can’t wait for more movies! Yay vaccination!

What can’t you wait to do now that we are exiting this pandemic?