Give it 3 Months…

…is what they say about new birth control.

Three fucking months of feeling a little nauseous (or a lot), a little light headed, mood swings and overall yuck. Takes 3 months for your body to adjust to the hormones. That’s a long fucking time to feel miserable a good chunk of the time. I know I need the hormones (thanks PCOS and making too much testosterone) but shit man 3 months of this. I just started week 3. I’m not even a third of the way through this shit and I kinda wanna rip it off my body and quit. But then the PCOS side effects will kick into high gear and that’s just a different kind of miserable. Can’t win for losing here.

I heard someone say the other day (can’t recall where – radio maybe) that they can’t wait to meet themselves once they no longer have to take birth control and I felt that so hard. It does so much and fucks you up in so many ways. Yanno why women take birth control? Because men couldn’t handle this shit. Sorry guys but it’s true. Y’all have no idea.

I can’t imagine what pregnancy hormones do to you. Not sure I want too.

I wrote this awhile back – some of these symptoms are improving but boy was I upset about it at the time. I hope you enjoyed my rant hahahaha

Trying a New Form Of…

…Birth Control.

If you have PCOS or just struggle with imbalanced hormones, you know that finding the right balance with birth control is a hard game to play. After 20+ years of taking a birth control pill it start making me feel horrible so I have switched to the patch. I need the birth control with the hormones to balance my imbalance. I have only had it on for a day so nothing to report yet other then I am excited to see if it works better for me. I hope it helps redistribute my weight properly an stops some of the increased facial hair since going off the pill. The overall appointment with the new health care provider was good. She took the time to listen to me and answer my questions. She didn’t run in and run out. The office made sure to get my medical records transferred. I do get to have another super fun internal ultrasound to ensure my fibroids haven’t gotten a lot worse. Looking forward to that (can you sense the sarcasm). It’s not horrible but it’s definitely not fun. That’s the update for now. I will keep you posted my PCOS peeps.

I did have to wait roughly 4 months for an appointment with anyone. So ladies schedule those wellness exams and get your pap done!

Trying A New Gyno…

…and I am a little worried.

No doctors ever take me seriously when I tell them I have PCOS. They are just like yeah sure sure. Then run in and out as quickly as possible without hearing a word I say to them. I know I am a little over weight atm and as soon as they see that my credibility as a woman, person or PCOS having person is gone. Well your obviously just a fat pig and I can’t change that. It’s genuinely how it feels. I know I need to eat better and I am working on it. But I would also like to not grow a mustache I wax off constantly and have my weight distributed properly. I would like a method of birth control that doesn’t make me feel crazy. But most of all I want someone who will listen to me. But if experience has taught me anything, it will be another in and our ya ya ya ya live with it appointment. Not really looking forward to it.

Back On The Pill…

…and it doing weird things to my appetite.

Due to moving, new jobs, stress, being busy I stopped taking my birth control pill for about a month and a half. Do I take it for protection against the nine month parasite? Yep. But it’s also PCOS control. I went back on it about two weeks ago and ever since I am either not hungry at all or experience complete and uncontrollable hunger. Ravenous hunger that wont be ignored. Then I binge all my calories in one sitting and feel fucking terrible. Like worse then worse – both stomach ache and guilt. But it feels completely uncontrollable in the moment. Eat eat eat. It’s definitely something I have experienced before but that doesn’t make it any less shitty or any easier to control. I am trying to break the cycle and the binges are getting smaller to be sure which is good. Here’s hoping I level out soon.

Going to the Gyno…

…is never a good time in my book.

I have posted about PCOS before but not specifically a gyno visit. So today we are going to talk about it because no one really does. It’s kind of a challenge. I called in December to make a well women appointment and couldn’t get in until February 3. That’s a long wait. My birth control pill would not be refilled until I had my appointment, so it was back to condoms for a month and half BUT that isn’t the bad part. Condoms are easy to use. My PCOS symptoms are creeping back -> weight is up around my gut due to higher testosterone and my acne is outta control. I am 35 and my skin is so freaking bad right now. Thank you PCOS and not getting my BC until I come in for an appointment that I have to wait over a month for. This is all before even going in.

So, I left home today with plenty of time not factoring in I love in SoCal and shoulda checked traffic on the 5. Heavy traffic was not only annoying but set me back. Then I parked in the wrong structure and got a good walk in to get to the office. This wouldn’t bother me except I was already behind. I hate being late, especially to things like doctors appointments. They have a schedule and everyone else with an appointment that day doesn’t wanna be there forever and I don’t want to be the reason they are running behind.

I finally make it to the office for them to stick a brush up my hooha for pap smear, smoosh my boobs around, and stick their fingers into me to check my ovaries. This is all necessary to keep up on my health and it’s really not that bad, it’s just not great. Dudes will never get it hahahaha

But seriously, keep up on your pap smears to be healthy and detect potential cervical cancer early. Someone that was close to me died of cervical cancer and it was horrible. What’s worse is it was likely preventable had she kept up on her pap smears. So take control and get in and get it done! The hassle is worth it.

Handling My Health…

…to set my own p(e)ace

Health Update! I had my second doctors appointment for the now four weeks of bleeding and finding the cause. We are adding a fun new symptom from the PCOS which is fybroids. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I have been dreading this appointment since I heard the words ‘internal ultrasound.’ I have had an internal ultrasound before so it wasn’t that I didn’t know what to expect…it’s that I did. Internal ultrasounds aren’t super painful but they are incredibly uncomfortable for many reason. 1) The obvious: a rod is going up you 2) I mean really up you 3) WTF is that in me?! Although one cool thing was that the ultrasound image was projected on a TV so I could see it. It was pretty cool. Did I have any idea what I was looking at? No, but it was still a nice distraction

The doctor came in and asked why we did the ultrasound again…okay she’s busy. She then fired off some information I didn’t understand and basically ran out the door before I could really even ask questions. I am thinking I need a new doctor – not due to lack of skill but you can’t ramble medical stuff at me and run out the room.

So no cysts on the ovaries! Yay! Unfortunately, I now have many fybroids on my uterus, but they are small which is good. I am trying a temporary new regimen of my birth control pill to control the symptoms (stop the bleeding). I am little frightened that upping my BC pill, even temporarily, might make me a bit nuts for a few days. Maybe I will just put myself on a time out to ensure that the only other person affected, if it happens, is me. If that doesn’t work I get an IUD

So my adventures with PCOS continue. I am sharing this saga with PCOS and myself for the same reason I share my journey in therapy – I am not ashamed because it’s a part of my life. I have to address it all to take care of me and set my own p(e)ace. Own what you’re dealt, taking care of, and be damn proud you’re handling your business! So cheers to all those handling their business. Cheers!

PCOS – P.retty C.learly O.vershadowing S.hit…

…oh what that’s wrong. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Let’s talk about it.

My impending OBGYN appointment to talk about my side effects of PCOS today got me thinking about my life with PCOS and all it’s complications in setting my own p(e)ace. At the age of 15 I developed crazy pain and wound up with a series of tests in the ER (one ended in hands in places I had never experienced – all legit just terrible). The next day and a CT scan later I found out I had PCOS and got to the to the OBGYN.

I wasn’t thrilled and it only got worse at 15. I went into the doctor and after telling them that I wasn’t sexually active three separate times they still didn’t believe me. They treated me like a liar and continued the exam. She was NOT gentle in any manor; it was rough and painful. No one told me what to expect before insert things in my body then exclaiming ‘Oh you are virgin!’

Since this fun first experience my least favorite symptoms have been hair in crazy places and weight issues. I realize this is nothing in the grand scheme of things but it’s not real fun to yoyo in weight and have random hairs pop out of my face.

Hormone swings are by far the worst. Imagine feeling off without being able to explain why. The people in your life tell you how bad you are acting but trust me it isn’t half as bad as it feels. You try to explain it but they brush it off as if it’s an excuse they don’t quite believe so you stop explaining it to people. If you can’t talk about that how do you talk about potential challenges with fertility. I am not even sure I want kids – if I do I want to adopt them – but worrying it might not be a possibility is a whole new feeling and worry about letting a future partner down potentially. I suppose it doesn’t do any good to worry but worry is a side effect.

That brings me to my latest symptom – a three week period. So I am going in today to hopefully get adjusted or find a cyst to get rid of.

I know PCOS is fairly common. If you need someone to talk to about it that will listen, I am here.