…of my covid life.
I wake up and I’m exhausted. I go to bed and I’m exhausted. Middle of my day and I’m exhausted. I do anything physical for more then 5 minutes and beyond exhausted. I have to sit down. So over this bullshit and I’d like it to go away soon.
I know it could be a lot worse. I’m trying to push through all this. I really am. I’m just not doing great at it. Gonna lay myself down and listen to my audio book and hope I’m a little less fatigued and exhausted tomorrow.
…and the first audible book I really did not enjoy.
I have truly enjoyed my audible experience, I just didn’t like this book. I liked the narrator – she did a great job. I did not like the book for several reasons. The first being that it perpetuates women against women to get to the top. First, by the main character, Katie, thinking that her boss will smoosh anyone necessary to get to the top without really knowing her. Then she has a chance to get revenge on her boss and takes it. She is intentionally cruel, which her boss never was. Absent minded and insensitive, sure. But what’s worse? Second, with the women who team up to get that boss fired. We have to STOP doing this or writing about it or watching movies about it. Women should help other women. People should help other people. Don’t paint a picture of professional women like that. Villians looking to destroy one another. How very original (can you hear the sarcasm?). Secondly, they introduced the fuck boy who wont change for any woman UNTIL he meets the right one. Saying that you can change a person and who they are at their corps with enough love. YOU CAN’T. The sooner we all learn that the better. Also, Alex (his character) didn’t need changing. If that is his life then that’s his life. He wasn’t shy about it. He’s allowed to be who he is, he didn’t need fixing. Even if he did, it’s not Katie’s job to fix him. Nor is it realistic to say that she could of. Katie also just wrote him off because she thought she knew him based on others opinions so that was on her. But of course he comes back from his journey confessing love, she gets the perfect job and defeats the ‘villians.’ Boring, predictable and stereotypical.
…leftover from the COVID.
Yesterday was Brian Fog – which is slightly better today. But the Fatigue is SUPER real today. I took the cooler over to my volunteers like .35 miles away and JESUS. I had to take a break before walking back. The simplest things just physically wear me out. I am trying my hardest to push through it and it’s just not happening. Well it is happening but real slowly. This has been your COVID lingering symptoms update for today.
…and ongoing.
I am still battling a cough and brain fog from having COVID. A little fatigue lingers but not as bad as it was the first 1.5 weeks. I can function with the cough well enough. The Brain Fog though – damn. Sometimes it isn’t even present and sometimes it’s a dense fog. Like right now. There is no other term for it except Brain Fog – it’s the perfect phrase for how it feel. Everything is a little misty, unfocused and far away. Which is hard when I am at work yanno doing things. I also probably sound a little stupid. Waves of brain fog. Brain Marine Layer hahaha. Here’s hoping the skies of my brain clear up soon!
…this week from hell to be over.
It’s been one of the most stressful and challenging weeks I’ve had in a long while. Y’all know I tested positive for Covid at the worst possible time. Missed the volunteer dinner I spent a lotta time organizing and dumped all the day of work on my awesome coworkers. Lots of guilt from that and giving my guy Covid. We are quarantining together which feels like early pandemic lol one of my favorite volunteers passed away which is horrible. Might miss my nephews first trip to Disneyland. Have 3 days to decide to renew me lease and for me and my dude to figure out our next steps in the relationship and living together. It’s all sooo much and such a roller coaster of emotions and bull shit. Also, I feel like I’m having harder time breathing today and I’m not sure why. Like it’s tiring my lungs out to do it. It’s so weird. Still have my taste but anything that isn’t sweet tastes just a little off. It’s so strange. Marty is pretty happy I’m home all day though hahaha so at least someone is having a good Time this week. But the week is almost over…thank god. Next week has to be an improvement right?
I am definitely so grateful for all the folks I work with though. That’s a plus of the week.
…to get Covid.
Fuck. It’s the only word that I currently have to describe 1) getting Covid 2) the timing
I have been planning a volunteer appreciation dinner for months and it’s today. I tested positive for Covid last night. Damnit. I have just dumped a huge amount of work and huge event on my coworkers. This is the first big event I am in charge of and first big piece of work out new CEO was going to see from me. And now I won’t even be there. I swear sitting here not being able to help is the worst amount of stress I’ve had at my job in awhile. Not to mention I may have unknowingly exposed some of my coworkers. Craptastic. I think I am through the worst of my symptoms (thank god I’m boosted) but I’m still achey and it’s sitting in my chest. I have a pretty decent cough. Could be a lot worse tho so I’m thankful it’s not. But the guilt I have over missing this event is astronomical. I feel soooo bad about that. So if any of you are reading this post, I’m so sorry!
…to have a cold.
I have been sick since Friday – it’s not covid. I really thought I would feel better by today. No such luck. This week is the new CEO’s first week AND the volunteer appreciation dinner. There is NO possible way I can call out sick. There just isn’t. So I am toughing it out as best I can. But my head if fuzzy and I can’t think straight. Literally – I am so congested my vision and focus are fuzzy. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. this is going to be the worst first impression ever. Hi, I am Andrea I sound terrible and my nose is red and chapped. Don’t mind my cough or pockets full of tissues. Lord.
…and a second cold for the season.
I am sick – AGAIN. Usually I get one good cold per year and I am done. Not this year. I am sick yet again. Generally feel tired and horrible. Muscle aches like crazy. Stupid cold. When I worked with kids, I had the best immune system.
Also, small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness are the best. I appreciate them so much. I had to hop on my phone for a work zoom and my dude got my charger so my battery wouldn’t die. I didn’t ask or it – he just brought it. My roommate always turns on the lights at night when I zoned into a show so I don’t hurt my eyes. She also always makes the vegetables for our dinners. My mom was online shopping and bought me a top 🙂 My work fam is full of small acts of kindness. Tons of folks have donated to my Volunteer Appreciation dinner. Just brightens my life and makes me smile. Pass on the small acts of kindness. You never know who they make all the difference for. I have said it before and I will probably say it again and again. It’s important in my world 🙂
…anxiety hits.
Why is that? Everything is great then BAM – the anxiety about a totally unrelated topic creeps back in. Sometimes I wonder if my subconscious just doesn’t think I deserve to be happy for too long. Maybe it thinks it’s protecting me? I don’t know. But it sucks. It wasn’t a real bad bout of anxiety but it was enough to drag me right out of my awesome mood. It is really stupid and there is seemingly no stopping it. After therapy it’s easier to quell it but impossible to stop in it’s tracks. It seems impossible to have it not creep in and tell you something bad is happening or is about to happen. It’s the whisper in the back of your mind that can escalate into a scream. Luckily this one was only a nagging beep and not a full on scream into a panic attack. So I must be getting a little better at dealing with it. That is positive. Anxiety is just a part of me – probably always will be. I am learning to accept and live with it as best I can. Sometimes I worry about those around me who don’t understand it because they only see it from the outside. I am sure it looks a little cooky to them. But it’s a part of me – a part of loving me for me. Just is.
…go for it.
I will always want to go on spontaneous trips. For example, I am going to see Aaron Tveit on Broadway because it is a dream of mine and I made it happen along with my BFF and soulmate (you know who you are because we talked about it at length today). It’s happening damnit. I am going to have to cut money from food and fun budget – so be it. We are going to See Aaron Tveit in Moulin Rouge and SIX and that’ll be two dreams and wants checked off my list. I LOVE this part of myself. I know some folks don’t enjoy that type of planning – but I love it. I just do. I am beyond excited! I CAN’T WAIT. We are gonna sip cosmos and celebrate your birthday together after many years of not. WOOOO!
Set My Own P(e)ace 