Being an Adult in a Pandemic…


…is even more expensive then just being an adult (which is pretty expensive anyway).

Right now I have 4 plastic plates, 2 ceramic bowls, and some random silverware. This has made eating difficult and washing dishes a constant. So I finally broke down and bought a dinnerware set – it wasn’t super pricey but it wasn’t cheap, especially in my current economic situation. But I need plates so I pulled the amazon trigger. And now I feel guilty!

Why do I always feel guilty buying myself things that I actually really need. It’s a little ridiculous. I supposed when I have health insurance again and return to therapy I will explore that.

Have you found buying things you really need hard to buy? Especially int he pandemic? I heard on the radio this morning that some scientists are estimating that social distancing protocols will stay through the year. Extroverts everywhere are panicking a bit and I am no exception. Oh dear.

Me, My TV, and…

…how quarantine is changing it.

I have always really liked TV and movies. Shows and movies allow me escape my world for awhile and wind down at the end of the day. They provide social connections to those around you and a way to find common ground with someone you have trouble connecting with.

Lately, with the self-quarantine there hasn’t been much else to do but watch tv (yes I read and I have more books on the way). That is slowly fundamentally changing my relationship with TV to something I am sort of trapped doing. Yes people found a million other ways to spend their time (maybe better ones) but I am having a hard time doing that. My apartment is clean, I workout almost every day, and I still work a bit. I am just out of things to do (insert shrug here). I don’t want TV and movies to morph into something I do because there is no other option but right now that is the case.

I can’t wait until my new books get here.

What has COVID changed in your life? Anything you used to enjoy and relax with that is now starting to change and grate on you?

Or am I just worried I am lazy and I am watching too much TV? Possible.

When Anxiety Has No Where To Go Except…

…out your eyeballs.

I have talked with you all about my issues with anxiety. This morning was a rough one. My main anxiety source is potentially and unintentionally hurting other people (particularly those I love and care for most). Well – I got it in my head that I was definitely going to unintentionally expose my dude to germs. So my anxiety took over and I cloroxed the whole house basically. I scrubbed all the pans with scalding hot water and generally freaked out. Once I had done all that, I just started crying for no other reason then I couldn’t think of another release for my anxiety. It had no other way out of my body then my eyeballs.

Very few people have seen my anxiety get this bad – I can count them on one hand. So I looked around me and I named five things I saw, four things I could touch and feel, three things I could hear, two things I could smell, and one thing I could taste to ground myself. It helped a little. It gave my mind real things to focus on rather then the things running around in my mind. I recommend trying it sometime even if you just need to feel a little more grounded.

A grounding tool for anxiety...
When you need to ground yourself.

Shout out to all my fellow anxiety ridden people and anyone dealing with all the stress in the world today. You aren’t alone friends!

How do you deal with stress and anxiety in the world today? How have you adapted your tools to social distancing and staying home?

A Kitty ‘Pawty’…

…and really missing having an animal in my life.

Growing up I ALWAYS had animals. I had dogs, cats, and even a bird. Since I moved out I have been lucky enough to have partial custody of my family cat for awhile and/or the people I have lived with have had wonderful animals I can spoil. Lately – finding myself on my own – I don’t have an animal in my life. I am constantly searching adoption websites and actually have a dog I want to meet BUT as I previously mentioned I can’t really afford an animal if something were to go really wrong and they would need emergency vet services. Working with animals every day has helped but now with self-quarantine I don’t see them too often either. I was trying my best to live with when…

…the cat party! OK it wasn’t really a party but I was out getting my mail and a cat walked about so I started petting it. It was SO sweet and had a pink color with bling on it. Then another cat walked up and wanted love too. I set something off in my heart I had been trying to quiet for some time. I need a pet guys. Seriously. It’s bad.

I know we aren’t supposed to pet peoples animals with whole COVID thing but I just can’t help it. I will never stop petting the animals that let me and like the attention. They are too cute and fill a whole in heart…a dog or cat shaped hole.

The Night’s Watch…

…and getting while the getting is good.

So – I haven’t been completely laid off yet during this pandemic which is awesome but I have been cut down to part time. We had previously been limited to five hours per week. SO – when the option came up for extra hours I jumped on it. The catch is the shift is all night (standing the watch so to speak). I really thought my days of staying up all night to make ends meet where over (I used to stock shelves at World Market) but I guess not. It’s an easy shift (I actually kind of like it) but recovering from that shift is hades. It messes up my sleep and my eating schedule. I appreciate the hours but this schedule is killing me!

I hope that we all get through this soon and working ALL night is almost over. But I have to make ends meet and I am appreciative that I can get some extra hours. So for now, call me John Snow because I am on the Nights Watch. I will keep you posted for when my watch has ended.

14 Year Old Me…

… and 34 year old me still love the show Roswell.

I have never been a big fan of all the show reboots (like Charmed). Have we really run out of fresh ideas? Until Roswell, New Mexico came out.

14 year old me LOVED the show Roswell. If fit everything my inexperienced adolescent heart wanted to a romance/syfy show. So when I heard they were remaking it I got to worried they might destroy it. Then I learned its the same character but in a new story and as adults. My 34 year old heart began to sing. I have really enjoyed the first season and couple episodes of the second season. I like the Alex and Maria are both involved with Michael. The guy who plays Max is super fine (he was in a soap opera I watched and True Blood), and Liz is a scientist which I like a lot.

This leads me to wonder if other things from my personal past can be reinvented and fun! Especially during this self isolation/quarantine time when I have the time to figure it out. Here’s what I have so far…

Movie and Baking Days – I used to have friends over for movie marathons with various baked good to make. It was fun. Maybe there is a virtual way to do this.

MASH Boards – Let’s recreate MASH for what ever stage you are in with making your own p(e)ace. Mine would include what pet to adopt, next city to live in, and which show to binge on Netflix.

Bike Rides – I want to ride a bike for fun again – not for calorie burn and not one that’s stationary. I want a pink beach cruiser that I can ride to the bar, to get a smoothie, and to the beach. Also, I want to relearn how to ride without using the handlebars.

Any suggestions on things we used to do that would be fun to reinvent?

Role Models In the Public Eye…

John Krasinski

If you know me, you know that John Krasinski is one of my all time biggest celebrity crushes. I went to see a scary movie (never do that) because he wrote, directed, and starred in it. His marriage with Emily Blunt is my goal in relationships. Obviously he was great as Jim in the office, but none of that matters in this particular selection. During all this crazy stuff he made a segment called ‘Some Good News’ to talk about the good that is still happening in the world. It made my laugh and cry (good cry). His new hero was a young girl who just completed chemo and he had her on the show. I needed some good news in my life so sincerely – Thank You John Krasinski for bringing it to me and everyone else who watched it. Spread the good.

Additionally, I love that the background was made by his girls.

Why are People Licking…

…weird things like toilet seats?

I have been seeing multiple weirdos posting videos of themselves licking super weird things – like toilet seats. WHY?! I mean the obvious answer is attention but is that really worth it? Is it a ploy to become some sort of weird influencer while most of what people can do is explore social media. But…I mean…under the best of conditions – why on Earth would you lick a toilet seat.

In other news – I donated blood today. This is something I do pretty regularly but it felt really good to do something productive with the extra time. Then I stopped at Costco to get the paper products that are hard to come by nowadays. I don’t want to be caught without toilet paper and no way to get it. When I arrived there was a long line but it moved quickly. It seems longer then it is because everyone has a cart. So I took a chance and got in the line. I got Charmin, Bounty paper towels, and Kleenex! I never thought I would be so happy to spend money on that stuff, but here we are. I am stocked on what I need and couldn’t be happier about that. It was a good way to spend part of my last okay paycheck and will hopefully see me through this pandemic. The people in line weren’t pushy. They weren’t friendly but not crazy either which is fine by me. I saw one of my volunteers while I was there which was nice and reminded me I once had a live and a job outside of this pandemic and gives me hope I will again soon. Maybe this Costco score was a good karma payback! Who knows.

Here’s to good karma…sorry this post wasn’t super exciting or emotional but that was my day and it was good. The world (and I) need every little piece of good available.

Sunshine and Fresh Air…

…have become something to savor.

I have always lived in places that are nice to be outside for most of the year. Most of my careers have required outdoors activities – park ranger, museum activities, working with kids. Phoenix was hot for like 5 months but you went swimming and found ways to be outside for awhile. CA was no different; anytime I wanted to go for walk I could step outside my door and head for the beach. With all of the epidemic stuff happening that seems like a privilege that might be short lived or disappear for awhile. Or at least not be quite as easy as it was.

I went on a walk today with friends and it was amazing BUT there were soooo many people out. Maybe it was because we were in Dana Point Harbor and the weather was amazing but I mostly think it’s because everyone else there has the same concerns I do – that outings like that might not last int he immediate future.

Being outside feels amazing when self-quarantined all day. Even if it’s raining I am down to get wet (that sounded more sexual than I intended). Just breathing outside feels better. Moving my legs too. My job is very physical – I am pretty much constantly moving for at least 3 days of the week. It’s been more then one week of being more sedentary and I can feel it in my body and self esteem I swear. When they say sitting is the new smoking I am now a firm believer of that statement.

Gotta find ways to be more active in self quarantine.

Can't Wait on Weights…

…to do your live streamed workout!

I did the full live streamed RIPPED class this afternoon. I was afraid I would feel ridiculous jumping around my living room but it worked out really well (helps that my floors are hardwood). However, I do not have weights -which you need for two section of the class. No excuses! I filled up my empty wine bottle with water and put a stopper in them and used those as weights. They were a little light but a whole lot better then nothing. It also helps me justify my wine consumption during this shelter in place thing.

After my workout I went to weight myself and I stopped. I had just worked out and felt really good about myself. Why was I going to possibly kill that feeling with a number that is an ok baseline but doesn’t really mean anything. How do I feel? I feel good and that’s what matters. So I put the scale away and took my shower still on my workout high without the damper of a number on a scale I don’t care for. It was a personal victory – I normally give into the impulse to weigh myself without a second thought. Gotta take the small wins.

Don’t skip your workouts (or whatever it is that makes you feel normal) to the best of your abilities. Cardio is important in the apocalypse – remember Zombieland Rule #1!