when you find someone who sees the side of you, your most insecure side, and says ‘I’m good as long as you’re good’ I mean that’s the dream and it happened to me. Was having some panic about safety in a city and he took me to comfort zone and said it’s okay. There’s just not a better kind of love. For me anyway. His willingness to go out of his way to make me comfortable is the sexiest thing on the planet. Might sound a bit ridiculous but it’s true.
I had mentioned that my bathroom had water damage from the one above. They have been working on fixing the water damage and replacing the whole tub/shower area. During this time my dude has been really nice letting my crash at his house for about two weeks. Tonight, I came back to check out the progress and it’s almost done. Definitely, close enough to live in again. I didn’t realize how much I missed my apartment until I was back in it. I missed having all of my stuff available to me. I missed my couch which is so comfortable and smooshy and wonderful. Most of all it was picked by me which is really the first big piece of furniture I chose (minus my mattress which was chosen by me but same day so I had a place to sleep that night). I missed my bed! It’s smaller then my dudes but it’s cozy and familiar. I even missed the crazy noises of the family living above me. Don’t get me wrong – I love being at my dudes house with him – but there is just something about being in my apartment I can’t quite explain.
…might be one of those things that no one with anxiety really talks about.
Last night my alarm went off at 3:00 am for some stupid reason and it set off the alarm in my head. My anxiety focused in on one thing at work. One thing that I will likely suffer a lecture for but my anxiety convinced me I was FOR SURE getting fired. Once you logic that out and feel better in your head the physical symptoms are not really easy to get rid of. Fast heart beat, hot and sweaty, pit in your stomach – the worst. AND you are worried you are going to wake your partner up and they will 1) see just how crazy you are 2) that you will wake up the person you care about at 3:00 am for anxiety your brain made up. The second worst part is being emotionally and mentally tanked the next day.
Lots of stuff happening at work – lots of stuff I am in charge of. What if it goes wrong or south and I fail? Or can’t fill my former bosses shoes? All that has culminated into a few days of awful stress. That’s not to say it is anxiety all day everyday the past week. I have had some really great moments with friends and my dude. Moments that remind me there is more to my life then work. I am kind of living for those moments this week. I look forward to my San Francisco trip in two weeks. It will be nice to have a break.
HAHAHAHA the show I am watching right now is talking about anxiety and how it’s okay to get help. It’s true – therapy rocks!
I found myself saying something at work today that was meant to be a pain the ass and make someone laugh (which it did) but was dead on. I wanted to put in on paper, so to speak, and get your opinions.
“There are certain advantages to being male and female in different situations. If you can’t recognize that then you aren’t seeing the world as it truly is.”
I believe this statement to inherently true. There are definitely situations I have been in and had an advantage or disadvantage as a woman. We all know for sure there are advantages to being a man. So where do we draw the line on equality based on sex? Do you even think it’s possible? It would be pretty hard to change that I get served before most men at a bar or that I feel the need to walk at night with my keys between my fingers in case I need to defend myself. I’ve never done it, but I could cry my way out of ticket easier then a man could (although an ex boyfriend cried when we got pulled over and he didn’t get a ticket so maybe it’s a bad and stereotypical example). A guy might get a better price or less recommended services at an auto shop. This goes back to my last post about JLO and Shakira being judged more harshly for their half time show because they are women. It all sucks. What do you think?
I don’t normally lump people together in this segment but for the purposes of today’s admiration, I am going to. There was a lot of backlash over the Super Bowl Half Time show this year and I don’t understand a single but of it. The costumes were small but not unlike anything they have ever worn onstage and was to be expected. Let’s face it if I had those bodies I woulda worn a lot less, but that’s beside the point. To compare level of material use I refer you to EVERY cheer squad in the NFL who wear less and perform proactive dance moves on a weekly basis for football fans.
If you were on the side BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STRIPPER POLE? That was a show of strength and athleticism. Do you know how much muscle those moves take? Holy crap! Let’s see a football player do that. Jennifer Lopez learned all of that for hte movie Hustlers so why not show up some feats of strength and skill?
AS for Shakira and the now infamous tongue waggle, it has been suggested it’s a cultural/heritage part of her performance. Even if it’s not who cares? Seriously. Have you seen what she can do with her hips? Holy crap! That is a cool skill and takes crazy control and flexibility. I tried to do that once (who hasn’t who has seen a Shakira video) and I look like I am having a seizure.
If you were offended, there is a very easy way to fix that…change the channel or turn off your television set. No one was offended when Adam Levine was running around without a shirt grabbing himself. So why does two beautiful women showing off their talents and athletic abilities make so many people uncomfortable?
I personally think it was awesome and brave. They have both dealt with the backlash in a classy and admirable way which is why they made the cut for this list. You go ladies!
…whatever installment this is! I lost track. This one goes out to my best friend (you know who you are!)
Grow as We Go
by: Ben Platt
You say there’s so much you don’t know You need to go and find yourself You say you’d rather be alone ‘Cause you think you won’t find it tied to someone else Ooh, who said it’s true That the growing only happens on your own? They don’t know me and you I don’t think you have to leave If to change is what you need You can change right next to me When you’re high, I’ll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow And we’ll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go You won’t be the only one I am unfinished, I’ve got so much left to learn I don’t know how this river runs But I’d like the company through every twist and turn Ooh, who said it’s true That the growing only happens on your own? They don’t know me and youYou don’t ever have to leave If to change is what you need You can change right next to me When you’re high, I’ll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow And we’ll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go I don’t know who we’ll become I can’t promise it’s not written in the stars But I believe that when it’s done We’re gonna see that it was better That we grew up together Tell me you don’t wanna leave ‘Cause if change is what you need You can change right next to me When you’re high, I’ll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow We’ll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go
Nothing catastrophic has happened but the past few days have brought about a series of common place, but unfortunate events. On Saturday I dropped my phone. I have dropped it a thousand times in the four years it’s been my phone and it’s always been fine. From the second I dropped it I knew in the pit of my stomach it was gonna be bad. My screen cracked from tip to tail in a spider web fashion. Like I said, common place but unfortunate. I need to replace it but I hate phone shopping. It’s equivalent to car shopping – hidden fees you don’t expect and the second you leave the value of the thing drops. You need insurance on it just like a car and you try your hardest not to scratch it. Then when you inevitably do you feel bad because of all the hidden fees you paid and the monthly payments you make. Sunday night a heavy box fell on my foot. It puffed up in about 30 seconds. On the super plus side it’s almost completely fine now. Again, common but unfortunate.
Onto the mouse. I had a mouse. I knew this. The food was relocated but it didn’t help. I was watching TV and I saw him peak around the corner in the hall. I told myself ‘it’s in your head’ and went to investigate. No sign of the mouse. An hour passes and I see his little furry but scurry away behind the cabinet. I totally freaked out! I called in reinforcements who helped me put out traps. No luck with those until this morning. I turn the corner and DEAD MOUSE IN A TRAP. My reinforcements are off to work and my landlord is on his way over for another thing. I know that I have to muster the courage to get rid of the dead mouse on the floor before he gets here. That’s just good manners, can’t have guests with a dead mouse on the floor. It took 15 minutes and several times of trying, chickening out, and walking away. I finally manage to get close enough to move it. I have my broom and a paper bag to sweep him into. I start to sweep which is when I realize it…his dried blood has stuck him to floor. OK I tell myself ‘I am a grown ass, strong woman. I CAN DO THIS!’ I grab the thickest plastic bag in the apartment and half pick it up and half flip it into the bag. Then I take it outside and throw it into the trash. BUT on the way to the trash I start crying because I KILLED this mouse simply for looking for food and being a mouse. What right did I have to do that? But in the end it had to be done and the mouse got a swift death rather then being stuck to a glue trap or something. So I am going to keep telling myself that’s a good thing until the guilt subsides. Common but unfortunate event. Also, definitely the first time I have ever had to do that and I hope the last, or at least not to have to do it again for a very long time. It is now my greatest reason to get married, so someone is around to pick up the dead mice.
As I sit here typing this my internet seems to have stopped working all together. So the common place but unfortunate events continue. I am going to shower and hopefully rinse the feeling of dead mouse and the guilt of killing it away. Here is to better luck the rest of the week.
…about one another when we are still alive to hear them?
Recently, a coworker of mine passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly. It is incredibly sad. We held a memorial for her at work and all these wonderful people shared all these wonderful stories and traits of this person. It was really emotional and raw and true. All I could think was why don’t we say these wonderful things we think about each other when we are alive to enjoy them?
Don’t get me wrong – I know it is an important part of the grieving process – I just want to tell people these things now and have them tell me now while I am around to enjoy what they like/love about me and what I like/love about them.
Are we scared about the reaction we will get? As women, are we scared we will be seen as ‘too emotional?’ (we have all been accused of that at some point, am I right?) As men, is it just not in your first instinct? As humans are we afraid of the rejection of our true and honest feelings?
Seems to me, the world, and those of us living in it, could use all that love.
Lately I have been super hungry most of the time. I don’t know if it’s getting back into my workout routine, coming off holiday eating, or my hormone cycle, but I am hungry almost all the time. The kind of hunger that is really hard to ignore. I am trying to convince my body it isn’t as hungry as it is saying it is because I know I don’t need to consume as much food as it wants me too. I know I should shove it full of vegetables but that isn’t what the hunger wants (who wants vegetables all the time?).
I went through a two week phase were my appetite was very low. It was nice. Now it seems to be making up for lost time. So I am trying to do things to distract myself (like write this post) or work or workout or whatever. I know this denying of the hunger is ultimately what my body needs (especially to keep my weight down) but it seems almost crazy to ignore. My body must need these calories right? Is it hunger or is it just cravings for certain foods? How do you learn the difference? This has a been a lifelong struggle for me. Eating for satisfaction vs. eating for health and energy. Working out comes naturally to me – eating healthy does not. Anyone out there experience this and have ant tips?
Simply said, I think Jane Fonda is the shit. The new season of Grace and Frankie inspired this addition/edition of role Models in the Public Eye. Her political activism has been truly inspiring. People tend to criticize her for plastic surgery but she looks freaking awesome so I say more power to you lady. She doesn’t let peoples opinion get her down (as far as I know since yanno I don’t know her lol).
In an episode this season her character goes to a charity thing and meets the “trophy wifes” of rich older men. She implies what she thinks is in private that they are young, vapid gold diggers. Everyone in the episode or watching the episode immediately thinks that as well. But the private conversation wasn’t so private and the young wives get their feelings hurt. This leads to a very insightful discussion about how people thing women are too old or too young for whatever they are doing and why can’t we all just live our own lives. This episode made me question my own presumptions about the ‘trophy wifes’ (I live in the OC so it’s easy to do) and wondered if the habit I have of making fun of them is toxic for myself, women, and humans. I do feel justified in certain situations, but I think I will try to take a lesson from Grace aka Jane Fonda and not judge people I don’t know right away.
Especially since she is now friends with the trophy wives on the show and helping them start their own businesses in the show. You never know when you might make a friend from a world totally different from your own. How can we help each other we thought were too different to associate with?
Additionally, she has incredible style. I am serious – I wish I had half her style sense. Half the time I debate if I can get away leggings wherever I happen to be going. Also, her workout videos from back in the day are mentioned in so many shows and other pop culture avenues. She made a workout empire before it was even a thing. I would like to try one sometime.
Set My Own P(e)ace 