…that I wasn’t allowed to have my own feelings….

Whether it’s your personal life or work there is always that one person that makes you feel as though you aren’t allowed to have thoughts or feelings that don’t seem to align with their own. We were talking about the pandemic today and it was a free form discussion about it, and I mentioned that it was a little scary that mask mandates are back and just not wanting to start over with this pandemic. Then I got told all the reasons why it wont happen and how it’s different. I get that – I didn’t say it wasn’t – I said that I felt little scared. I didn’t realize I wasn’t permitted to feel a little scared. Perhaps they were just trying to make me feel better which I recognize but all it did was invalidate my feelings on the topic that I was asked to share. I offered up that sometimes you wear a mask as a placebo effect outside even though science says it’s much less likely to get COVID outside – you just do it to make others feel more secure. That was met with what felt like a hard smack to the face of what felt to me like THIS IS WHY YOU ARE STUPID AND WRONG AND YOU SHOULD SHUT UP. mmmmmmk Well, I was just offering my experiences to chat about since that’s what I thought we were doing but I will just shut my mouth and not talk anymore.

What makes me sad is just when I feel safe to voice my feelings or opinion I get smacked down. Then I remember why I keep people at a distance and don’t share that kind of stuff a lot in a lot of settings and context and just keep my mouth shut. So, back to that I suppose.

In thinking and reasoning maybe other people are just offering their opinions too. Which they are more then allowed to do. And I shouldn’t take so personally. I am just venting how I feel into this blog so I don’t lose my mind.

*Note I realize this is probably an over reaction and I am going to feel better in about ten minutes, but this is how I feel now and it’s my blog so I don’t need to censor my feelings here. Don’t like it – don’t read it.

…my ‘Big’ Prediction for “And Just Like That…’ was dead on.

No – I have not actually watched the episodes yet. I am waiting to have a watch party with my BFF because it was our show and yes it is killing me. That spoiler though was unavoidable if you do anything on the internet. I predicted it. I knew I so knew it. I don’t think it went down how I predicted, but what happened was spot on. Also, that Peleton commercial is HILARIOUS and I love it. So that is all I can say for my thoughts on the show for now. Mostly I am just bragging at my predictive abilities in TV shows (especially ones I know well). So this post doesn’t have a ton of substance but I will update it once we watch the show….which will be soon hopefully as I am dying to watch it. I was tempted and even had it pulled up to watch which is the exact moment my internet went out. I took it as a sign from God that I should be good and wait.

…until the next mean thing.

I work with people, so I have heard some crazy, mean crap directed my way. I thought nothing would beat a woman coming up to me after a presentation to let me know that my “Voice is so damn annoying,” but I think it might have happened. “I look forward to your failure!” WOW, okay, hold up. Like I get we disagree here (even though yanno science and logic are on my side here), but that seems DRASTIC. I don’t think rooting for people to fail is ever okay. Takes some kind of twisted person to throw that out there and wish failure on someone else, especially something with good intentions. It just seems so unnecessarily nasty and mean and wicked.

We all go through things. I have no idea what this persons life is like. Maybe it was just a bad moment and I was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Maybe they have nothing better to do with their time. I suggest either just deleting the email and continuing with your day or writing a calm reply simply saying you don’t agree and please remove me from this list.

Treating others with kindness is key and my entire goal. I want to be the anti this person. I want all people to just speak with kindness. You can still get your point across and not be horribly rude.

Let’s wait and see what tops this one. I took almost a decade to top the lady telling my voice is horrible. So I am glad it took some time. That’s a good sign.

‘The Last Gradaute’ by Naomi Novik

I was very glad to have the same narrator back from the first book. ‘The Last Graduate’ was an enjoyable listen, but not quite as compelling as the first one. I am not even really sure why – just didn’t grab me as much. It was still a really fun listen though and I recommend. El continues her journey through the Schoolamance as a senior. It is nice to see her interact with her newfound group of allies and friends and how that changes. It opens her up to more of her mom’s influence and her light side. SPOILER ALERT – Don’t read farther if you haven’t read or listened to the book yet. The twist that the school is actually trying to protect them is cool. Too much falls to easily into El’s lap though to lead her there. I enjoyed the Lou came up with the plan that would ultimately save almost everyone in the school. That was nice redemption for her too from being a mild malificer. Her worry over family pressure to gain through bad ways is relatable as is her conviction to not give into it. We see Orion struggle a bit which is hard because I like him. The addition of Precious is awesome. She never really addressed why El’s mom warned to ‘keep far from Orion Lake’ though which made me frustrated. Maybe next book. With Orion making the ultimate sacrifice for El (and everyone) now that he felt he had something to lose (a future with El), perhaps her darkness comes out in trying to save him in the next book? That is my prediction anyway. Could El be pregnant like her mom was? Maybe – but that would be predictable. It would also make going on a rescue mission much more tricky. I suppose we will just have to wait and see… I can’t wait for the third book in the trilogy!