One Challenge At a Time…

…to put your damn mask on in day.

My Sundays have become a mix of both my jobs and a long ass day. I woke up at 3:45 am to be in Escondido at 5:45 am to race to my other job in Dana Point as quickly as possible to be done working around 3:30 pm. I decided instead of looking at the day as a whole I just had to take it one challenge at a time, starting with getting up lol. It’s a challenge at that time. I took on my day like this and it went well. Just complete the task in front of you rather then the whole day at once. At my second job and I noticed people really dropping the ball on wearing masks. I had to ask folks to put on their mask or remind them how to wear it properly. I started to feel like I was doing more of that then actually teaching. It was met with annoyance and arguments – ‘I am vaccinated’ well I am not and a lot of people still aren’t (I get my second shot on Thursday), ‘No one else was in here’ – um ok but see all the stuff you’re breathing on that a bunch of other people touch? yeah you gotta wear that mask, ‘but we are outside’ – well you are on a campus with other people so put the mask on. This lax type of attitude, using being vaccinated as an excuse to do anything without thought to others who are still vulnerable, and thinking this pandemic is over is what will set us back. Do you want to quarantine again? I don’t. Put the damn mask on! Also, if it isn’t covering your nose, it isn’t effective. Do you use condoms with holes in them too? Cause that doesn’t work either. Put the mask on and wear it right – you know what proper mask wearing is by now. We all do. Home stretch y’all – let’s do it!

I Feel A Bit Stupid But…

…for some reason when this pandemic started I did NOT think it was going to last this long.

Or maybe I just hoped it wouldn’t. Wow – I am still part time and I am still a little worried everyday I go into work that today might be the day I get the ‘rona (my job is working with the public). All of this materials is ‘stay home stay safe’ but in order to pay rent to have a home I have to go to work…and work with the visiting public. There is no shelter at home choice for me and so many others. I am not a doctor, nurse, janitor, or other super important job that really really needs to work to help the world, but I need to work to help my world survive. I love my work and I know the risk I am taking but it is still a bit scary. Especially since I am taking that risk to barely get by. I guess I just thought some of this would have gotten a little better by now, but it’s getting worse.

That venting over with, I am very grateful to be getting by. My rent, bills, and food are somehow paid. Between work and UI benefits I am making it. Those UI benefits are essential to my survival. I promise you. I have no idea what I am going to do when Student Loans kick back in. That will put my bills past what I have coming to barely scrape by. I worry about it a lot. Although if you read this blog regularly you know I worry a lot in general, anxiety and all. I broke down and got myself some expensive dental insurance because I have a crown that is likely a root canal now. It hurts. I have been eating a lot of soft foods.

I don’t know how I have been scrapping by for so long during this pandemic, but I trust I will find a way to keep doing it for as a long as it takes.

Division…

…not only my 4th grade nemesis but the nemesis of this country.

I have a clear side and opinion on this election – Ridin’ with Biden! BUT that doesn’t mean I think it’s the miracle bandage that’s going to solve this countries issues. We the People need to do that. This division has become too much. We are so Red vs. Blue focused I think we’ve forgotten we will play for the same team – team USA and Human Race. So let’s work together to address what needs addressing and fix what needs fixing. We can disagree about things and still find a comfortable middle ground. Don’t listen to those urging an emotional and potentially violent response so this election *cough cough that’s not what good President’s do* (there goes my opinion again). Let’s mend the division, work together, and address the systemic racism and sexism in this country, do our best to save the environment (because we need it and it’s great), quell this pandemic in this country, and get our economy back on track. Let’s work together through love instead of dividing through hate. The only thing I want to hate is division (both in our country and math).

The Money Struggle…

…is super real – especially right now.

I have never had a super high paying job – I never really needed one. I have always made enough to get by without starving, to keep my wine membership up, and have a bit of fun. The start of the pandemic was the end of that. I know I am not alone on this one and I want you all out there to know that you aren’t either.

I did okay with the increase of unemployment benefits. I still worked as many hours as I could get but, I was making it by with the help. I was even able to save a bit which is great because that is what I am living on now. The extra money wasn’t a luxury – it was a necessity. I am sorry not was, is a necessity still. I do not feel it is leaching off the system. I work at a nonprofit that has cut my hour and now my titles and pay significantly. I apply to jobs daily (everything from jobs in my field to cashier at Costco). I need that money to come back in some form. The unemployment I get now is just enough to pay my rent and like three bills. The rest (including food) is coming out of savings or because my dude is nice and I cook and do dishes and stuff (I try to pay back in services lol – not like that! get your mind out of the gutter).

Would it be bad to ask family and friends to pick a bill to pay as my birthday present next month? hahahaha That would be the best!

The Longest and Shortest…

…year yet.

August is just around the corner…yet it feels like March. I know many of us feel this way. It’s been awhile since I have written because I didn’t have anything positive to say and I like to keep the tone of this blog honest by hopeful. So here I am in the mist of a pandemic trying to have a hopeful tone. It’s not always easy and I wont spread anymore woes to all of your wonderful people so it took me awhile to get inspired to write again.

I haven’t seen my family in 8 months – not a positive but had a positive effect. I miss them a lot. I don’t think I will take for granted being able to hop on a plane or in my car to visit. My nephew is HUGE! My mom is out there working. My brother is out helping people and my sister-in-law too. I just miss soaking in their company. Hopefully I will be able to again soon and I will be very excited.

It’s almost my birthday month (September). I am almost 35 and somehow it feels old, but not in a negative way. It feels a little more experienced – maybe it’s the age, maybe it’s living through this tough time. I don’t really know.

I hope you all are doing well and have a wonderful dog to keep you ‘pawsitive’ when you’re down. It’s been really nice 🙂 I do love puns…

Yet Another New…

…normal.

The phrase the ‘new normal’ keeps being reinvented. I get a handle on one and it flips. I suppose this is life, but it’s on hyper drive compared to a non pandemic time. So in my new normal I work full time again (YAY!) but that’s only promised for a short time (which is okay I get it). This work is mostly from home which is new. My couch becomes uncomfortable to work at after awhile because I am hunched over my laptop. I ordered a lap desk but it only helps a little because it’s a piece of junk (I should learn that you get what you pay for). I do go in from time to time for various efforts but it’s sporadic. It’s nice to go into my office and see the animals. I have taken Marty a couple of times and he loves it. All the space and people.

A new financial normal. I have been REALLY lucky to have gotten in early on unemployment. I am so thankful for the hardworking people in that department. I got used to the process and amount. Now it is confused by this temporary full time work in a system I don’t understand. Normally, that wouldn’t be so bad and I would take the time to learn it BUT my financial future depends on it which is SCARY. I better get to studying.

Where I live. I had gotten really used to spending most of time at my dudes house. I no longer had to worry and debate where to sleep. We had a system and it worked. Now I am back to splitting my time with half my stuff at his place and half at mine. Of course when I really need something it’s at the other house. I just don’t like the debate of where to stay and why and all the other concerns that go with that. It’s draining.

Let’s see what the next ‘new normal’ looks like. Any predictions?

Is the ‘New Normal’ Good, Bad, or…

…simply different.

I keep hearing people saying our ‘new normal.’ Whether we have to get uesd to it, build it, or accept it. I wonder if it’s going to be good, bad, or just different.

It could be good. Maybe we will get to keep a little of some of the good that came out of quarantine. I would like to have less stress, more sleep, and to work on a bit of my own schedule. I have loved having weekend time with my dude to hang out and have fun not on a clock of my having to go to work EVERY weekend. I would like to continue to see families out and about spending more time on bike rides, walks, and playing sports together. I would like some of the kindness I have seen spread through the world continue. I want mindfulness of everyday heros to continue and revelry for celebrities to remain lower. Respect for essential employees like janitors, grocers, farm workers, and those of the like to remain high and remember how heavily everyone relied on them.

I could be bad. We could be trying to create this new normal too soon and have another wave of pandemic. We could be putting people at risk. The constant mask wearing makes me feel as though I am suffocating everywhere I go – claustrophobic at the least. I miss going to movies and I don’t think theaters will open any time soon. I miss my family and I miss traveling. I worry that fear will take a new form in this new normal and possibly be more accepted.

It could just be different. Will we ever get back to what was ‘normal?’ Do we want too? I am hoping it’s combination of good and just different. What do you think? What do you hope for?

Being a Long Distance Aunt…

…is fun but difficult.

I have many babies right now that I ma a long distance Aunt too. Some of these are good friends babies and one biological nephew. I talk to them on Facetime and visit when I can (when there isn’t a pandemic). I send gifts when I have the money because I want to be the cool aunt who send them packages. I used to love getting packages in the mail. I know they are babies and don’t quite associate it with me yet, but they will one day! I don’t really consider it buying their affection. It’s just one of the best long distance ways for me to let them know I am thinking about them and love them. I hope their parents know that too.

I do worry though that because I am not physically present most of the time I will be the third rate relative that is just someone mentioned in stories. It’s a side effect of my nomadic lifestyle of adventures. I suppose I can only do what I can do. Hopefully I will be the cool aunt for a long time to come.

So to L, T, E, L and E know that I love you tons.

When Anxiety Has No Where To Go Except…

…out your eyeballs.

I have talked with you all about my issues with anxiety. This morning was a rough one. My main anxiety source is potentially and unintentionally hurting other people (particularly those I love and care for most). Well – I got it in my head that I was definitely going to unintentionally expose my dude to germs. So my anxiety took over and I cloroxed the whole house basically. I scrubbed all the pans with scalding hot water and generally freaked out. Once I had done all that, I just started crying for no other reason then I couldn’t think of another release for my anxiety. It had no other way out of my body then my eyeballs.

Very few people have seen my anxiety get this bad – I can count them on one hand. So I looked around me and I named five things I saw, four things I could touch and feel, three things I could hear, two things I could smell, and one thing I could taste to ground myself. It helped a little. It gave my mind real things to focus on rather then the things running around in my mind. I recommend trying it sometime even if you just need to feel a little more grounded.

A grounding tool for anxiety... — When you need to ground yourself.

Shout out to all my fellow anxiety ridden people and anyone dealing with all the stress in the world today. You aren’t alone friends!

How do you deal with stress and anxiety in the world today? How have you adapted your tools to social distancing and staying home?

Sunshine and Fresh Air…

…have become something to savor.

I have always lived in places that are nice to be outside for most of the year. Most of my careers have required outdoors activities – park ranger, museum activities, working with kids. Phoenix was hot for like 5 months but you went swimming and found ways to be outside for awhile. CA was no different; anytime I wanted to go for walk I could step outside my door and head for the beach. With all of the epidemic stuff happening that seems like a privilege that might be short lived or disappear for awhile. Or at least not be quite as easy as it was.

I went on a walk today with friends and it was amazing BUT there were soooo many people out. Maybe it was because we were in Dana Point Harbor and the weather was amazing but I mostly think it’s because everyone else there has the same concerns I do – that outings like that might not last int he immediate future.

Being outside feels amazing when self-quarantined all day. Even if it’s raining I am down to get wet (that sounded more sexual than I intended). Just breathing outside feels better. Moving my legs too. My job is very physical – I am pretty much constantly moving for at least 3 days of the week. It’s been more then one week of being more sedentary and I can feel it in my body and self esteem I swear. When they say sitting is the new smoking I am now a firm believer of that statement.

Gotta find ways to be more active in self quarantine.