Impulsivity…

…is it a good or bad thing?

I want to buy a cheap ticket to NYC in the next 6 weeks to see Aaron Tveit in his last performances as Christian in Moulin Rouge. He is one of big Broadway crushes and I have wanted to see him perform live for awhile. And what better role then Christian?! And what better show to go see. I found a reasonably priced flight and I can afford the tickets. It would stretch me thin for a month or two on fun and food budgets, but I wanna go so badly. I have the freedom in my schedule to do it. I am little worried about knowing where to stay hotel wise and navigating the city alone, but I am pretty sure I could figure it out. Should I do it? I want to real bad. I can be a bit impulsive though. I still regret not seeing Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp in their last tour of RENT. Do I want more Broadway musical regrets? Will I regret going when I have less food to eat in May? All excellent questions. Come What May.

I Don’t Usually Care for Michael Cera…

…but he was actually very good in the show Life & Beth.

That was one of a few surprising things from this show. I pretty much think Michael Cera doesn’t act; he’s just being himself. That’s what it seemed to me. From Arrested Development to everything else – he seemed the same. That is why I was so surprised that I liked him so much in Life & Beth. His performance felt honest and true to John, his character. He and Amy Schumer had a surprising and fun chemistry. They played off each other well. I felt Amy Schumer also got to play a new side in this show. She definitely got to flex her comedy muscles but we also got a more serious side. It was pretty serious subject matter but presented in a not overly depressing way. It is definitely worth a watch.

Always Say Too Much…

…or too little. Never the right amount or thing.

I have been thinking a lot lately about I never seem to say the right thing. Mostly, I just say whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it’s great and other times it’s really not. I do need to learn to filter, but I don’t necessarily dislike that about myself. I know that is probably bad but it’s true. I do feel bad when I say the wrong things though to random people or people who don’t deserve it. I don’t mean to be cruel or overstep or betray trust – I just say what’s on my mind at the time. If I have ever done this to you, I am sincerely sorry. Just know I trust you if I did. I trust you know I am good person at more core who thinks you deserve my honest truth. Some folks will never see it that way though; I get that and it’s okay. Those folks probably wouldn’t enjoy my company anyway. My conclusion is, I gotta be me, but maybe have a better filter sometimes.

This is Why I Don’t…

…watch scary movies!

I like Sebastian Stan. I read the description which said it was a dark comedy about modern day dating. It looked dark but I didn’t think it was gonna be that dark. Why is this movie trying to ruin Sebastian Stan for me? And weirdly he was still pretty charming in it. it’s called Fresh. I am telling you so you know what to avoid.

I don’t watch scary movies because things tend to stick with me. If I had know it was a true horror movie, I would have skipped it. Now I’m freaked out!

I am reminded of the thing I saw about people with anxiety rewatching the same shows over and over because we know what’s going to happen. It’s so true. I am now anxious and switching to the shows I know that don’t give me anxiety.

I really hope this horror movie doesn’t stick in my brain forever. The house of wax stupid horror movie with Paris Hilton still sticks with me. It wasn’t even a good horror movie. It’s the part where Jared Padalecki got waxed over but was still alive because you saw his eyes move but he was a wax guy now so he’d just die slowly of starvation or dehydration or whatever. That was over 20 years ago!

And that is why I hate horror movies.

I Feel Weak…

…cramps and bloated on my first day of my period and I am expected to act normal.

Why do I have to act normal when I feel anything but. Women are supposed to suck it up and not let anyone know I have my period. Why is this something we need to hide and pretend like it isn’t happening? It hurts, I feel weak and off all because of my period. And we soldier through like we feel great. Well I don’t and I don’t feel like hiding it anymore. I wanna lay around and chill but I gotta hustle. That’s the standard that’s set. So how do we change the standard? Sorry but most dudes won’t know the hormone flux and the shitstorm is causes. A lot of them won’t recognize or even discuss anything period related. How do we change that? Maybe everyone being on the same page will change the standard. I don’t know. But I do know I should get some chill time when my period causes the shitstorm. And everyone else too. Cramps are real real right now.

I Tried So Hard Not To Write This…

…but daylight savings time is terrible!

I know, I know…you are sick of me writing the same post twice a year. I tried really hard not to and to get on board with the time change. Yes there is more sunlight in the evenings. But, what if you are a morning person?! You have less sunlight. I am walking my dog in the dark again. It’s harder to get up because it’s pitch dark when I need to get up. There used to be a bit of sunlight to help wake my booty up. I go to bed later and it’s harder to get up. This daylight savings thing is so stupid. Particularly, if you grew up not participating in it. Let’s say in Arizona. I know there are so many larger world issues right now and I shouldn’t complain about something so trivial, but it’s annoying.

I Do Love A Theme…

…and the theme is Little Mermaid!

I am not a huge Disney person. Enjoy the movies but never go out of my way. But for my nephews first Disneyland trip I am going all out. I plan on being Ariel the first day. I got Ariel themed minnie ears, mermaid print leggings and a purple top. I will do mermaid scale makeup accents. Anyone else have suggestions? I will take general Disneyland tips as well. I am more a Universal Studios ‘lets pretend we go to Hogwarts’ theme park person. I haven’t been to Disneyland in years. I am excited to make it a family trip though! Gotta keep up my reputation as a cool aunt (OK I am his only aunt, but still).

Doomed To Fail…

…is the current form my anxiety is taking.

I am planning a large dinner for my volunteers on less time then I would like. Is that sorta my fault. Probably. It was also just kind of how to it worked out. But today I just feel like I wont make it. Like it will suck or there will be something huge that goes wrong or everyone will hate it or something like that. If you have anxiety you know if can turn any direction at any point. If you try to logic on point, your anxiety sprouts three more. It knows no rhyme or reason. Today was just a breaking point for me for some reason. I can’t even explain it. My anxiety is just taking over at the moment. That is why I am writing about it. I really try to write about it in the moment so you all know you aren’t alone out there with whatever you are feeling and dealing (with). Someone out there gets it – you may have to search for them, but I am guess you really don’t have to look that far. I know I am not doomed to fail. I will get up again tomorrow and hit it hard. I will get it done and it will be my best. The rest is out of my control. Anxiety is something I live with and I make it live with me. I recognize it but generally don’t let it define me. Sometimes it spirals but just steer into that skid and breathe. It will stop.

People are People…

…even when homeless and digging through recyclables.

It is a lesson I relearned today. You all know being homeless is like my second biggest fear. I see a lot of homeless folks everyday in Balboa Park and downtown San Diego. I feel so sad for them, but sometimes they scare me a little. Like when digging through trash outside my house. Had that happen today as I took out some recycling. I froze and didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered that homeless people are just people. So I said hello and asked him if he wanted my recyclables. He was very polite and thanked me for them and told me to have a nice day. It was a nice reminder not to judge before knowing someone or at least speaking to them and giving them a chance. I am glad the recyclables are still getting recycled and getting someone a little cash who needs it. Was a nice start to the day.

The Power of Chicken Nuggies…

…to brighten your day.

It’s a dark day in the Raetz household -has been for 21 years. My Grandpa died on Valentine’s Day 21 years ago. Just about 6 months after my grandma did. My Grandma’s death was sad of course, but really she had been gone for a couple of years. It was a release from pain and suffering. My Grandpa was apparently sick but didn’t tell anyone, so it felt very sudden to us. When I think back it was really the beginning of the end of my nuclear family. It really is when things began to unravel. Took a decade to fall to pieces – but that is where it started. I cried last night – I cried a lot. That was my allotment for this anniversary. Doesn’t make the day easier. My dude sent my chicken nuggets for Valentines Day and it really made my day better and easier. We worked on trees in the park today and that is always physically demanding. The nuggets perked me back up to finish my work emails and few other tasks. So thank you, it may seem small but it was big to me. That is the magic of chicken nuggies to turn your day around (or at least brighten it up).

What Does Nuggies Mean? | Slang by Dictionary.com