After the Incident…

…Marty is not to be trusted at home alone.

So I am going to attempt to crate train my 7 year old dog. I cannot risk another incident like him chewing through the screen to and jumping out a second story window. Yes, I can fix that issue by closing all windows, but what else haven’t I considered that he can get into or hurt himself on? Plus the windows give him fresh air and keep the apartment cool. So, we are going to try crate training. I have done extensive reading on how to crate train an older dog and we will just see how it goes. If it works and he feels safe and secure (he loves sitting under a table so I got one that looks like an end table) then great. If he hates it and it doesn’t work then I will come up with something else. If anyone has any tips, let me know.

I am also going to get him pet health insurance. I wavered on it but after the incident, I definitely am leaning towards yes. If something like that happens again and is worse (please dear lord no) I know that I can cover it money wise. I can afford the monthly premium now so I will likely do it. He’s my baby and deserves all the best treatments if he needs them.

UPDATE: Marty now has pet insurance through Pet’s Best! Reasonably priced with good coverage. I feel a little better and more protected that he will always receive the best care (not that he wouldn’t of but now less financial worries about it).

Check them out: https://www.petsbest.com/PH17365983

Was Thinking About What To Write On Today…

…and it came to me in a meme.

I have wanted to write for a few days now, but I never want to force an entry. I don’t want to write something fake or stupid or not important to me (even if it is kinda stupid in the end lol). I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw this post and it spoke to me.

For real though! How can we do all of this and have any sort relationships with anyone. Does anyone out there actually get 8 hours of sleep? Especially you all who have chosen the path of parenthood. Do you get time to do your stuff ever? Anywho – everyone we need to stop trying to do everything everyday. We have to stop feeling bad when we fall short of all the shit we are ‘supposed’ to do in a day. The past two evenings I binge watched a reality TV show and I have no shame. It was interesting and relaxing and I liked it. I didn’t unpack a box, but I did start the dishwasher and unload it. It’s all about balance y’all – which we suck at. I know it – you know it. We grind and grind then lose our shit and take a break. Let’s mix the breaks in so we don’t have a nervous breakdown on a regular schedule. I am starting a new saying – let’s grind and swirl. That saying represents balancing working hard and having some fun. So do it with me – RISE GRIND AND SWIRL baby.

Can someone out there make a meme of that for me? I lack those talents.

BIG NEWS…

…this is a little late (about 3 weeks) but I got a dream job!

I don’t know why I took so long to write about it – maybe I thought I would jinx it. But it is very real so here it goes. I got a job in Balboa Park working with volunteers. My office is in the middle of Balboa Park and I get to help people help people! It’s awesome. Great benefits and a wonderful team of folks to work with. I moved to San Diego and I love my little apartment and it’s close to work! I am getting over my anxiety of driving around Balboa Park and San Diego slowly but surely. The only downside is my dude is still on Orange County and I miss him.

I worked for this and somehow I got it. I got in my top choices of work places. It still doesn’t feel real. How did I get this dream. So cool.

Now it’s time to pedal to the metal and prove they made an excellent choice in hiring me. It is just a little scary – who gets their dream? I don’t wanna mess it up. I will do my best and that’s all I can give and I think it will be good.

Dang man, I got here. Now time to prove my salt – it’ll be fun!

I Thought About Not Writing About This…

…but that’s not what we do here.

It was bad and it was all my fault. It makes me look and feel terrible. BUT this blog is about honesty with you and myself and the world so here we go.

Moved to San Diego (I keep meaning to write on that and other things keep happening). I am on the second floor and I love the place. Moved Marty in and stayed with him for a few days, then I had to go to work. For two day everything was great – then day 3. I left the windows open (screen closed – glass open), so that he would have fresh cool air. HUGE mistake. He tore open the screen (he could access it from on top of the couch) and JUMPED out the window. How do I know this? Thank god I got a pet camera. I saw him jump. I tried talking to him through the camera and stop him but he jumped. I ran out of a meeting with my Director and drove home as fast as I could. I was SO scared. I thought at best he’d have huge injuries and there was a good chance he was dead on the pavement. Suffice it to say I was not okay. But I just had to get to him and asses the situation. I pulled up and saw him walking around the courtyard. I was relieved to see him alive but was still certain he had injuries. I ran into the courtyard and assessed him. He was happy to see me and gave me the ‘Hey mom what’s up’ eyes. I looked all over him and squeezed (not hard, but firmly) all of his limbs and abdomen for signs of pain or injury. He showed no signs of pain and seemed completely normal. I thought to myself ‘thank god’ but didn’t really believe it. I scooped him up and we headed to the emergency vet. I wanted him thoroughly checked out for possibly internal injuries. Adrenaline could be hiding something crucial.

We arrived at the vet and had to wait four hours to be seen. That was okay by me because that meant he wasn’t in immediate danger by his initial exam by the tech. This was a tough four hours because I kept seeing emergency cases rushed in and animals in bad shape (as well as their owners). Marty and I tried to comfort the owners the best we could. One poor pup didn’t make it. His pet sitter was so upset and his family was on their way. It was not easy to watch, so kuddos to the people who work there and live it every day.

We get seen by the vet and he is examined and got an ultra sound for good measure and he is perfectly healthy. FREAKIN MIRACLE that I am so grateful for. Now, I cannot get the image of him jumping out a second story window out of my mind. It keeps replaying and I wanna cry every time. This was on me. It is my job to keep him safe and I failed. I FAILED BIG TIME. So now I need a new plan for him being in the apartment alone. I wont fail him again – who knows how many miracles I get in my lifetime? I need to do better. I love this dog so much, the thought of him being hurt makes me sick. Safety assessments in progress. I will keep you posted!

I Have So Many Good Things to Write About…

…but all I can think about is this stupid hemorrhoid.

why?! Why now hemorrhoid. I’ve talked on this subject before. If you know the pain of hemorrhoids then you know. If you don’t, then you have no idea what the phrase ‘pain in the ass’ means. Pooping is the enemy. Seriously. I’m afraid of the pain. This is the real happenings in this moment. All the good things must be in a separate post once the pain passes.

Well isn’t that some…

…shit timing.

I am officially not feeling well. I’ve had severe body aches for a couple of days but felt okay. I down IBprofen every 3.5 hours and carry on packing and organizing. Never went past body aches…until today. I woke up feeling like complete crap. I’m functional still which is good. But I’m definitely worse. And I move tomorrow. Start and BIG new job on Tuesday. Worst timing ever. Worst. Thank god for my Dad coming to help me pack. I’d be screwed without his help. In a lot of ways, but right now because I wouldn’t have a damn thing packed in my kitchen or random hallway stuff without him. Fuck this has to be a quick battle with whatever cold this is. Come on immune system. You’ve got this. This is what we’ve been training for with all the exposure to kids and gaining a great immune system.

Every New Beginning…

…requires the end of something old.

Today was my last day at a job I loved, but it just wasn’t the long game one. That doesn’t make me any less sad to leave it. I love the people I worked with and I love the animals. But it’s an exciting new beginning. I’m looking forward to another adventure.

I’m also in a ton of physical pain (I think I hid it well at my job for my last day). I don’t know the source of this pain. Maybe exhaustion. Maybe dehydration. Maybe both. Don’t feel like I’m getting sick. My body just aches. My temples pound every now and again. My bad knee is throbbing with every single step. And I’m so fucking tired. I am in tears between rounds of in profen. I’m at a loss. Just gonna wait for it to pass. Hopefully soon.

4:19…

…nope not a Bible passage- just the time in the morning I’m awake.

I actually woke up at 3:45 am. I’m just coherent enough to write on it now. This is the 2nd biggest issue with having a long commute. My early shift days are really f*cking early. And I have this shift for three more straight days after this. Hello 8:45 pm bed time!

I will say it’s better then the later shift on weekends because of one thing: traffic. It takes at least twice as long to get there on weekend afternoons. I would rather have sleep deprivation and no traffic then lose an extra hour or more to the 5 freeway.

Once I get there it’s pretty awesome though.

Role Models In the Public Eye…

…Jazz Jennings!

This lady is AMAZING and open and honest about herself and who she is at any particular moment. She invited us all into her life at a young age to advocate for trans youth. At such a young age she filled a role model slot that needed filling. This took bravery because I know it had to have come with a lot of hate, criticism, and small minded bigotry. Not only that, but a definite risk to her personal safety and well being. We saw only small glimpses of this on her show ‘I Am Jazz.’ I am sure it was the tip of the iceberg.

Jazz is all about being who is she is right now and I respect that so much. What inspired me to make her the feature of this post was her latest post about her weight gain. She didn’t shy from it like she is supposed to be ashamed. She embraced it and took accountability for her own health and let the world know she is getting healthier for her and no one else. That is AMAZING. I am so tired of feeling like I can’t be over a certain weight or have to hide it with clothing or only posting certain photos. She owned it and put it out there. She is authentically herself and it’s awesome and inspiring and I love it. I aspire to be even a little like that.

She is also a big advocate for mental health awareness. She has been pretty open about mental health battles with depression. She opens up and let’s us all know we aren’t alone and it’s okay to be out authentic self. If that doesn’t make you a role model, I have no clue what does.

Some fun facts for y’all

Who is Jazz Jennings? 5 Facts To Know About Jazz

Dear Anxiety…

…fuck off, seriously please stop.

I am in the middle of a big life change that is including a move. Everyone knows moves are so full of stress one could burst. On top of that, my landlord is coming over so I do some dishes and the sink is completely backed up with gross back water. AWESOME. That is after getting into a snip fight with my dude. At this point I had already been feeling so anxious that my digestive system was feeling the pain (sure sign of Andrea Anxiety) then the sink just chucked me over the edge of anxiety canyon. I am dealing with the sink and I can feel my anxiety over running my body. It’s shutting down and on its way to non functional. I think it just hits a certain point and my body decides it can’t handle my brain any longer. It just gets fed up and peace’s out. I logic myself into the ground and it doesn’t matter. The anxiety wins. It passes eventually but that doesn’t help in the moment. In the moment the world is crumbling and it’s my fault that it’s crumbling and all is going to shit because of me. I know that isn’t really happening but it’s an accurate description of how it feels. It’s really terrible and I am so sick of it. Anyone else feel the same way?

Now that the highest anxiety is wearing off my body is just shaking with leftover bodily affects of it. Likely the digestive affects will stick around for a bit.