Being a Long Distance Aunt…

…is fun but difficult.

I have many babies right now that I ma a long distance Aunt too. Some of these are good friends babies and one biological nephew. I talk to them on Facetime and visit when I can (when there isn’t a pandemic). I send gifts when I have the money because I want to be the cool aunt who send them packages. I used to love getting packages in the mail. I know they are babies and don’t quite associate it with me yet, but they will one day! I don’t really consider it buying their affection. It’s just one of the best long distance ways for me to let them know I am thinking about them and love them. I hope their parents know that too.

I do worry though that because I am not physically present most of the time I will be the third rate relative that is just someone mentioned in stories. It’s a side effect of my nomadic lifestyle of adventures. I suppose I can only do what I can do. Hopefully I will be the cool aunt for a long time to come.

So to L, T, E, L and E know that I love you tons.

It’s A Bad Time To Have…

…seasonal allergies.

I have an allergy in just about every season it seems but none worse then spring (they are better in CA then AZ but still present). If you are a frequent allergy pill taker, then you know they are meant to dry up your mucous production. Unfortunately, that blockage is not localized to you sinuses…it’s all your mucus producing glands…which is a problem if you are a sexually active woman…if you get my drift. SO – I try not to take it every single day to balance that little issue out. That leads to increased sneezing and nose blowing on some days. Right now you are treated like you are super toxic for having seasonal allergies. I get it, I do, but dang sometimes allergies are just allergies. Me and the Ralph’s lady were talking about that today.

Then on one of my side hustle apps, I took a survey that asked if I or anyone I knew experienced discrimination based on a positive COVID test and it all got me thinking. I am very sure that people are being treated with discrimination out of other peoples fear. That got me thinking of how many times in the past this medical discrimination has happened with other diseases. It’s time to break the cycle folks. Let’s treat each other with kindness while taking the precautions we need to to keep ourselves and those around us safe. Let’s work together instead of just for ourselves.

So I took my allergies for a walk today. Sneezed, blew my nose, and tried to keep to myself. I suppose that is whole theme to this quaratine – to keep to yourself. How’s it going for you all out there?

Finding the Motivation…

…to workout on a day I REALLY don’t feel like it.

I had a relapse with the scale and it has not been fun. This quarantine has definitely affected my weight, despite working out 5-6 days a week. Maybe it’s the lack of my very physical job but mostly I think it’s not great eating combined with higher alcohol intake. Either way that number was not awesome. I know better then to let the number on the scale be my workout motivation (because it’s shitty motivation and makes you feel shitty). Letting that be my motivation crashed my want to workout.

So now I am trying to pump myself back up for RIPPED at 5:00 pm. I am going to list all the good reasons I workout. It makes me feel motivated in all areas of my life. Working out makes me feel good. Working out helps quell my anxiety. Doing online workouts with a community during this quarantine is nice – I feel less alone. These are the reasons I am getting my booty up, putting on my cute workout clothes, and doing this workout.

Then I am heading over to perform a seduction because damnit I am beautiful and wonderful at any weight –> and I know a wonderful man who thinks I am too 😉

The Best Point Gilmore Girls Ever Made…

…in my opinion.

After rewatching some of Gilmore Girls I have decided that Loreli and Rori are bad people – seriously. That opinion aside, I did really like one point that Loreli made in an episode where Rory is trying to casually date Logan. Logan ends up bending to Rory’s will of monogamy at the end of the episode and Loreli points out that he is just making the same compromise she was trying to but open dating, and that he was very clear and honest about what he wanted. That monogamy is him compromising himself like she tried to do. It was amazingly insightful for a woman who barely gives the men in her life’s feelings a second thought. And it’s true! Just because they wanted to different things didn’t mean one was wrong and one was right. In this one instance – they show what really is instead of lighting the Gilmore Girls as always being correct and in the right.

Additionally, Loreli treats her mother is awful despite her being kinda up tight, but that’s another post…

I Read a Quote Today…

…that got me thinking (because we all have time to overthink nowadays).

The quote was “I used to walk into a room and wonder if the people in that room liked me. Now I wonder if I like them.”

OK it was a meme but it still provoked thought. I have ALWAYS been so concerned that people like me…like all people. I still become uncomfortable at the thought of someone actively disliking me. I always admired those people who can walk through life not giving a fuck if people like them – they always seemed happier and less stressed then me.

I am pushing towards that second half of this quote but also kind of hope I never fully achieve it. I want to care less but not not at all. Does that make sense? I need to figure out if I like the room full of people BEFORE I worry about them all liking me. I want to be liked by people are are worth being liked by and gaining the respect of.

What this thought process boiled down to for me is – I would rather have a few people I super close to and respect then a room full of mediocre acquaintances who don’t think anything bad about me because they don’t think about me at all.

My Quarantine Cooking Skills…

…haven’t improved much since the start of this thing.

I have never been much a chef. I can make a few basic things: chicken fajitas, salmon, and stuff in the airfyer (new skill). It’s not that I never wanted to learn to cook I just have no natural talent for it. I have found one good thing that helps a lot (besides wine) – prepared meat from Trader Joes. It comes pre season and marinated – all you do is cook it. SO good. I highly recommend the pesto chicken.

I used to bake quite a bit as a kid but lost touch with finding joy in that. I lost it somewhere around Christmas cookie season when I couldn’t get the stained glass cookies to work and wound up throwing the dough against the wall (not my finest moment).

When this started I thought to myself I will have so much time to cook I will improve and I did in one area – breakfast food.

I have found that I don’t really like cooking all that much, or at least cooking as much as I have been. I know it’s cheaper to cook your own food but my grocery bills have NOT been cheap.

I Wish I Could Be…

…a vegetarian.

I am serious. I wish for moral and environmental reasons that I thought I could reasonably convert to be a vegetarian. It takes SOOO much water to raise cattle and most of the animals raised for meat are treated so poorly. Those are the main two reasons I would make the conversion. I have seriously considered it, but I just don’t think I can live without some meat (especially chicken and fish).

What got me writing about this? A Facebook friend posted a photo of him eating pork chops from pigs he raised last year. All I could think was I could not do it. When I really started thinking about it though that pig was raised super humanely and the meat is clean. It is the responsible way to raise and consume meat. But still I could not do it – which is silly. I know where meat comes from and I know how it comes. It is just so different when I put the thought of killing it myself in (especially if I raised it). It’s probably the biggest contradiction in my life.

However, this doesn’t mean that meat can’t be responsibly obtained. It takes effort and money (much less convenient). That is a huge hurdle for most of us. So how do we make responsibly and humanely raised meat accessible to all?

My biggest thought is to reform the process as a whole with new standards including humane treatment standards. You might think I am nuts but I swear humanely raised and slaughtered meat and eggs just taste better. Maybe lessening my guilt tastes better?

Vegan is out – I need cheese in my life – not nut cheese. How can you check if your cheese is responsibly sourced from a place that treats their livestock humanely? I worry if I were to switch to a vegetarian lifestyle I would be much less healthy and my carb intake would go though the roof. This is a common mistake new vegetarians makes.

Any good tips for responsible meat consumption?

Actively Choosing to Be Positive…

…in the face of selfish and stupid (OK mostly positive).

People are protesting the stay at home order. Look, it sucks, I get it. I miss going to the movies, wine club, and hugging my friends too but it’s important to stay at home and not do social things in close physical range together right now to keep each other safe. Heck, I even miss work but we have a lot of comforts at home. We have forms of entertainment (TV, Books, Family, Imagination) at home. We have forms of socializing at a distance. For instance, I am hosting a zoom happy hour this evening with my friends. Is it the same as meeting up for a martini? No, but it is sure better then no contact at all.

There is a lot of talk on Social Media about these protest (and protest of the protest which are awesome) so I started to share one I truly think is amazing (see below). The original poster posted it in the spirit of getting others thinking, not actually denying medical care. I really hope it works and gets folks thinking.

While I completely think it makes a great point (if you are risking the health and yourself and others by violating this order in protest you should consider waiving your right to medical care for it should you contract the virus), I chose to delete it after I shared it. There are few reasons for this, but mostly I want my social media to be positive and this would have done nothing short of invite negativity from the aforementioned selfish/stupid people. Secondly, I have people I love in the medical field who wouldn’t even consider not giving someone care for any reason whatsoever because they are AMAZING people. So, for these amazing people – please follow social distancing and staying at home as best you can. Let’s be and stay positive.

I know, there are so many of us out of work (yep I am one of them) but life will return to normal someday and all we can do is the best we can. So do your best to keep everyone safe.

The Little Girls that Live Upstairs…

…have inspired me to have a little imagination to help quell my anxiety.

A family lives in the condo above me and they have three young girls. The weather has been so nice lately that I have had my patio door open. They are often outside on their own patio playing. They play the most imaginative games in a super small space and I find it amazing and inspirational. I was having a rough day after the few hours of work today. I had zero idea what to do with myself. I have worked out 4 times this week, I nominated a very worthy nonprofit founder for an award, the apartment is basically clean (I realized I do need to vacuum under my couch – badly), I have watched most interesting shows on all the avenues, I have started a good book but I don’t want to burn through it in a day. I am sitting here feeling anxious and feeling like I have no outlet, and these three little girls who are basically on top of each other not only get along well but can create these imaginative, intricate games and have so much fun. I think I need to take a page from their book and use my imagination as an adult. So now the question is how?

I am hoping figuring this out helps my occasional anxiety and helps me sleep better at night. I keep stress dreaming and waking up a bunch. So – maybe nap, then figure it out. Has anyone discovered any creative awesome hobby that doesn’t cost too much? I am thinking of getting some crappy old furniture and redoing it to be cooler. I need a dining table and it would be good if it has personality. What’s the worst that happens? I hate it and toss it?

One last fun note about the girls that live above me. The other day it rained glitter down onto my porch. I know it’s messy but it was a bit magical. Thanks for the inspiration and the magical moment.

I had Hamilton Tickets for Last Night…

…and it broke my heart not to get to see it.

Seeing Hamilton was a musical theater nerd dream that I have been waiting years for and when the reminder popped up on my calendar last night I almost cried. I know for some that seems dramatic and like a silly little item on a bucket list that I can do later, but to me it hurt and still stings. I haven’t been able to afford to go before this because it was impossible to get tickets for under $300 per cheap seat. So, when the tour was coming to LA I got up early to get tickets at a reasonable price and I DID. It was awesome. I was so excited.

I realize that there are other people in the world with a lot bigger disappointments but I learned in therapy that doesn’t invalidate my feelings so I am sharing them. I want you all to know that small disappointments are okay to express even if they seem small or insignificant compared to world events or someone else’s circumstances. Feel what you feel and right now I feel pissed and disappointed to have this dream delayed yet again.